"Nigel, what are you wearing?"
"Nigel, how many times will you be shirtless in the upcoming cycle?"
"Nigel, may we see your ass?"
"Nigel, when are you going to ignore her and start paying attention to me?"
"Nigel, do you think I was kidding when I said I needed you to get milk on the way home?"
"Nigel, do I look amused?"
"Nigel, are you or are you not 100% in love with me and only me?"
"Nigel, please don't leave. Oh, sorry. Nigel, will you please not leave?"
Folks, if you've anything to add, time's a-tickin'! We'll be back tomorrow hopefully with answers to these, and all sorts of other, scintillating queries.
Michael Caine could not accept his Oscar for Hannah and Her Sisters because he was busy filming Jaws: the Revenge.
All Seasons Bistro, in East Lansing, Mich., which was cited for its streak-free mirrors, old-world floor tiles and fresh paint job. "This is one of a few public restrooms I would allow myself, my wife and children to use and not worry about it," the nominator said.
Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa, in Atlantic City, whose restrooms - with their stainless steel sinks, choice of hand towels or dryers and warm wood tones - "spare no expense."
Hemenways, of Providence, R.I., a landmark waterfront restaurant whose restrooms are clean and have "simple elegance and charm."
Quad City International Airport, in Moline, Ill., which has facilities that are "clean, simple, pleasant and exactly what you want in an airport washroom."
Wendell's Restaurant, in Westerville, Ohio, whose sports-themed restrooms are "praised for being neat, clean and having lots of towels and even mouthwash."Obviously, we've never set foot in any of these, but that didn't stop us from voting for the All Seasons Bistro. We encourage you to do the same just so Michigan can finally say it was honored for having something clean.
OK? Great. Now show us your tits!
"When I think back about Daniel Vosovic, for instance, I find it hard to remember most of what he did for the first half of the show. The first time he really comes into the spotlight is with the lingerie challenge, and frankly, I thought that stuff was dull/normal. I don’t even remember what Daniel did for the next several challenges."
"I’ll use Daniel Franco as an example. Lord, this past week I have found out I’ve developed an allergy to the guy. There was no way he was going to stay the course of season two. Absolutely no way. He doesn’t understand a deadline. He is incredibly annoying to be around."
"The other person from season two who I was not only perfectly happy to see go, I would have arranged for a car service to get her out of there, was Zulema. Oh, my God."
Why, it's the always enthralling and impeccably dressed...
(And here's part two!)
The "fun new product" is an Intel-based Mac Mini. Blee blee blee. Guess you'll have to wait a little longer for the terminal disease series of iPods. Shucks.
C ya tomorrows!
That's right! Each contestant will be turned into a Siamese Cabbage Patch Kid and forced to watch episodes 1–3 of Star Wars. Brutal.
Oh. Wait. No. On the first two-hour episode of "America's Next Top Model," each contestant's hair will be completely shaved off! For reals. The first photo shoot will require each of the 13 girls to be completely shorn. Obviously we are already looking forward to the sheer volume of crying this revealtion is sure to create. Tears of such magnitude have only occurred three times on earth: at Hiroshima, during the Mariel Boatlift and when the last Sizzler closed in Columbia, South Carolina. AND, to add insult to baldness, Janice Dickinson will make a surprise appearance, hopefully to mock the girls into complete humiliation. People, the odd-numbered 13 contestants lead us to believe you may witness the first reality suicide on March 8. All this before an actual panel-induced elimination!
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
Well, if we could create a road sign for all this, it would read,"Caution, Fantastic Times Ahead."
That said, here's Jennifer Holliday performing "And I Am Telling You (I'm Not Going)" from Dreamgirls from the 1982 Tony Award broadcast. No matter that she looks like a black Mrs. Lovett, we dare you not to be completely awestruck by what's been called one of the finest theatrical moments ever.
The series, called Runaway, has echoes of freshman hit Prison Break, with a plot involving a family who become fugitives in order to prove the innocence of their father, who has been convicted of murder.
While we can safely promise we'll never, ever watch that, we congratulate young CW on its first steps into the world of broadcasting. One tip: don't call your first show "Runaway."
GM publicly admits he did have drugs. Which is very nice of him. Obviously, though, we're wondering about the pornography, sex toys and, of course, sex masks. What about those? Yay or nay? George?
Spring is a season of growth. What's died in winter begins new life. Here at the NB, it's always pretty much been winter. We're sure you've gotten used to it. Alas, things can't stay the same forever. Spring happens to all god's creatures, sooner or later. As the north half of the earth approaches spring, apparently spring approaches us, too. Whether we like it or not. This week, then, you will be privy to two startling developments here at the NB.
First of all, yours truly has been interviewed by Best Gay Blogs for its "In Depth" feature. If you'd like to find out what's behind all this smoke and mirrors, head over there this week.
As well, and this is the main development, for the first (and probably last) time in its history, the NB will be featuring news less than a week old! In fact, this site will be bringing you the scoop on upcoming episodes of the new cycle of "America's Next Top Model." If you don't believe us (and why would you?), check out upcoming posts. If you want to know why we've been trusted with this info (and why would you?), you'll have to read the aforementioned interview for the answer.
So, friends, if you've made it this far without dying of laughter, we hope you will enjoy these exciting changes. And please don't worry—98.3% of this site will remain the black hole of entertainment that you've gotten so used to. Trust us—we've gotten used to it too.
We will miss Stevie and her CONSTANT winking at and posing for the camera. If you don't know what we're talking about, we urge you to refer to your DVR and keep an eye on Stevie in group shots. As well, Bobby should never have listened to his grandma who suggested he sing "Copacabana." We hope he kills her. Becky will be able to get a job as a swimsuit model, no doubt. And we have no idea who the other guy was or where he came from, but we're sure he'll return there with ease.
Can you believe this???
15. Tara Reid attended high school in New Jersey with American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis.
OMG! And, did you know...
05. Usher holds the Star Search record for the longest note by a child: 12.1 seconds.
No way! And, if you click the link, you can find out just what the hell is happening to Reese in this pic...
What did Kellie Pickler say to the chef?!?
How is Melissa McGhee making up for getting what she feels is less onscreen time than the other girls?!?
And what did gray-haired Taylor Hicks do in his room on Monday night?!?
Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!!!!
Besides scrapbooking, my latest addiction is racquetball. I can’t get enough of it. I have been playing for two hours once a week but I could play for two hours every day and still want to play more. I love it!
Have you seen my latest Ice Breakers commercial? I did one again with my big sister Haylie. Last year’s commercial concept was: “It's liquid, it's ice, its Ice Breakers Liquid Ice". This year we had even more fun because it was even easier. The concept for this year’s commercial is cool too. If you haven’t seen it, here’s the general idea: Haylie and I are at a table and she says, "Check out Ice Breakers new gum." Then I take a piece and chew it and I say “Whoa!" Then Haylie says, "Nobody says whoa anymore". They cut to a monk at a church saying “whoa!” and then to a hippie at the beach saying “whoa!” and then back to us at a table where Joey Lawrence walks in, stops and says his trademark line, “Whoa!”
It’s funny. Joey Lawrence was cool. I almost didn't recognize him. I hadn't seen him in a long time. His hair is short and he was kind of buff. It was a quick two days. The Ice Breakers gum is good. I also really like it because it is sugar free.
The NB: Did you see PR?
TEFY: i did, and it was the best thing maybe ever
The NB: It really was. I almost couldn't take it. I am entirely pro-Santino now.
TEFY: the lupe thing? amazing.
The NB: Amazing.
(Lupe, or Guadalupe, was apparently high and/or drunk during the taping. She was asked a simple question and could not, for the life of her, answer it coherently. It was excruciating, yet highly entertaining.)
TEFY: i am not entirely there, but he's amusing
The NB: He sings everything. That's enough for me. And Daniel V. was a little prick last night.
TEFY: you think?
The NB: Yes.
TEFY: i thought he was just defensive
The NB: No. He was clearly over it. Which is fine. But you have to put on a game face.
TEFY: maybe he knows he loses
The NB: When they were arguing over the chiffon line, he finally was like, "It was Andrae." All bored.
TEFY: haha, i didn't know the chiffon was such an issue.
The NB: Smile and nod, dude.
TEFY: but he helped out marla
The NB: The chiffon line was the centerpiece of the whole evening.
TEFY: and i have to love my PA girls
(Daniel let us know that he appreciated Marla's success as a store owner. Or something like that. Our middle fingers got in the way.)
The NB: Fuck him.
TEFY: you haven't recovered from hearing that he was like glenn close at that bar, have you?
The NB: Why did we only just find out about Shatangi?
(Shatangi is apparently Zulema's tell-it-like-it-is alter ego, which we only found out about last night, which, upon further reflection, kind of makes sense as Shatangi was the only one we really ever saw, but we'd probably have just been confused if "Shatangi" kept popping up on our screens when we thought her name was Zulema. Anyway, we now have a tell-it-like-it-is alter ego. Her name is Taffany.)
TEFY: i have no idea, but i feel gypped. in fact i want to see project shatangi instead of project jay.
The NB: Of course. My favorite line of the season is still Zulema telling Kara she can cry as long as she keeps cutting.
TEFY: i love that, and i plan to tweak it and use it
The NB: "You have to cut AT THAT RATE."
TEFY: right, substitute cut for other words
The NB: Totes. And Daniel Franco is a lunatic. And fat.
TEFY: i loved when he said I love you Heidi
(At the end of the episode, he had this creepy staredown with Heidi Klum, during which he hinted that we may see him on season 3. Truly terrifying.)
The NB: They really showed us some A-1 interview moments, as well.
TEFY: why do they hold this stuff back?
The NB: It was kind of shocking.
TEFY: the editors last night were so brill
The NB: They deserve a Pulitzer.
TEFY: i would kill andrae in real life i think
The NB: I can't decide. Either kill or protect.
TEFY: i couldn't do a whole night with him. his whole tantrum on the runway.
The NB: But he seems like the one who had the most fun, which I appreciate.
TEFY: 6:45 minutes elapsed: "Oh, where to begin..."
The NB: Wonderful. I couldn't believe that lasted 10 minutes. We needed the clock initially.
TEFY: i am surprised it didn't last longer
The NB: And I totally forgot it happened with Diane von Furstenburg.
TEFY: she looked amazing
The NB: Who was so not interested.
TEFY: she was not having it
The NB: She had to sit there for 10 minutes and listen to Andrae! Certainly a low point in her career.
TEFY: lighten up it's just fashion
The NB: Well, now we have context for it. Thank you very much.
("Lighten up, it's just fashion" were lyrics to a song Santino made up. Previously it seemed that he'd improvised them up in the workroom, but we were informed that they were, in fact, words uttered by Michael Kors during a "runway" session.)
The NB: This was like the prequel.
TEFY: i hope no one skipped this episode. it brought so much together
The NB: This was "Project Runway"'s "Wide Sargasso Sea."
To add insult to ice cream, we turned on the "Project Runway" finale, which we were not looking forward to, only to experience an hour of the finest television we have seen in a while. So fine, that we'll be back in a while with a detailed description of our thoughts. In fact, it may have been the best episode of the season.
OK, gods of television, we have learned our reality TV lesson. We never again will complain about overlong talent shows or seemingly inferior reunion shows.
In the meanstimes, to make up for our "Idol" wandering, here's something for the girls and gays, and here's something for the boys and lezzes...
Screw tonight. The bottom line is this, and we think you need to be sitting down before we begin.
OK? Good? OK.
Two weeks from tonight, on March 8, "Lost," "American Idol, "Project Runway" and "America's Next Top Model" will all be on. Alas, you have two weeks to figure out what you're going to do about it, which, granted, isn't much time, but it's better than nothing. We will do our best to remind you of this occasionally, just in case you let your mind wander. And, hopefully, you still have the opportunity to take March 9 off from work. Lord knows you'll need it.
Wanyays, enjoy your evening. Maybe adopt a child. Or, at least, feed one.
First of all, one thing that every good editor knows (and some bad ones, as evidenced here) is that a list should always be numbered. No one gives a lick about 25 this or 62 that unless there is a specific order to the collection. It doesn't matter if the list's creator(s) actually believes in this range of importance. It just matters that there is one. Because then people can start arguing about what was too far down the list, what was left out etc. and nothing's any good unless some asshole is pissed off.
Second of all, "White Zinfandel" and "bunk beds" aren't gay in the connotation of "homosexual." Those items may be gay, as in "lame." But we don't know any gays who've ever had a penchant for either. And "Any bottle of wine over $10"??? We'd have to hoodwink people into advertising on this site if that were the case. Could you imagine? And, as if not strange enough, the list ends with "Loving your dad." Um, why do you think we're all gay? Because dad left home and we developed unnaturally close relationships with our single mothers. Alas, "Loving your mom"? Most likely. "Loving your dad"? Our who?
Anyways, we're not angry or upset or anything. Just a little disappointed. Everyone claims to have seen Brokeback Mountain, but is the layman really any closer to understanding the gayman? This list makes us think perhaps it's time for you listmakers to rent Steel Magnolias.
We just found the gayest thing ever.
Anyway, clearly Jesus is working for Mandisa and her pantaloons, but our favorite performance of the evening was obviously Paris's high-spirited, joyous, dance-filled rendition of..."Midnight Train to Georgia." Girl, we never imagined "Midnight Train..." as a song to aerobicize to, but you absolutely converted us. Seriously, your facial expressions alone were enough to keep us entertained for 30 seconds, which really is saying a lot for this show. Keep up the fantastic singing of and non-paying-attention-to-the-lyrics-of the songs you sing. Smoke and mirrors, girl—that's what makes a true American idol.