And Miles to go before he wins.

Who wants an Oscar? Don Cheadle wants an Oscar!

Ice princesses.

Tonight, on "America's Next Top Model"...

"The Girl Who is A True Miss Diva" -- At a Beverly Hills salon, Tyra, Jay Manuel, J. Alexander and salon owners Joel Warren and Edward Tricomi transform the models with unbelievable makeovers; and the participants are challenged to show off their personal style by celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe and Cycle 4 Winner Naima Mora, who give the girls the opportunity to win a $5,000 shopping spree at Los Angeles boutique, Nanette Lepore, and then head off to a photo shoot where they pose with ice sculptures, on AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL, Wednesday, March 15 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on UPN. Personal stylist Rachel Zoe also serves as a guest judge.

Later, one competitor decides it's time to let her inner-diva out by laying down some house rules for everyone to follow, only to have another model take her to task.

Oooooh! Makeovers AND ice sculptures! It sounds like the best cruise ever! Or any cruise ever. Which, come to think of it, really makes sense—"America's Next Top Model" truly is the Carnival Cruise Lines of reality TV. There's boobs, drunken fighting and a pool.

Anyway, we won't make any predictions as to who goes home, but certainly the Lhasa Apso can't last that long, can she?

Stevie wondering.

So we tried to fast-forward through "American Idol" last night, but after quarter-witnessing five or six complete trashings of Stevie Wonder songs, we just couldn't continue (though we did enjoy the teased and poofed Face and Bucky hair). Which is fine because MSNBC racaps it nicely this morning. Anyway, who do we think is going? If it were up to us, everyone would go except Face and Chris, who would eventually be sent home but not before doing all those wonderful Ford commercials shirtless. Because that's probably not an option, we'll pick this one to get the boot...



It could be Bucky or the ten-year-old, but our gut is telling is this is the one. It's also telling us it's going to come out our mouth if we continue talking about this.

And nosh some hamantashen.

Don't forget to enjoy some hamantashen tonight for Purim! You don't have to be Jewish to make them or even eat them. You just have to like prunes or apricots in the middle of an otherwise delicious pastry. Why, what else are Jews known for if not for injecting even the slightest bit of sweetness with some suffering?

G'evening!

On "Mysterious Skin."

On December 19, we listed our five favorite movies of the year of all five that we saw. At the top of the list was a film called Mysterious Skin directed by Gregg Araki. This small film resonated much more intensely than did a certain other gay-film-directed-by-an-Asian, but, of course, because it lacked big stars and a major director, the mainstream (and mainstream gay (by that we mean overmuscled Chelsea boys)) community had none of it. Their loss. Mysterious Skin still remains easily the best movie we saw last year, and today Rich at Fourfour wrote a fantastic essay (with helpful pics!) detailing why it's so devastatingly good, beyond the fact that it features UFOs and Mary Lynn Rajskub. Check it out.

Welcome, black Kotter.

(Sorry. We don't care about this at all. We've just been dying to use that post heading for about two minutes now.)

Your video clip of the day.

Please enjoy the Carpenters performing a medley of Burt Bacharach classics, via Bedazzled. Focus not on Karen's near-deathness but instead on the glorious arrangements.

Performed out.

Here's Premiere's cover story on the 100 greatest performances of all time. There's not much to say other than that now you don't have to buy the magazine, which really is best of all.

(Blogger's being a dick right now, so no pics for you! Thanks, Google!)

(Choo-choo)

Whatever you do, try not to laugh.

Prepare ye.

Click here to see who's no longer lovin' the Kevster! (Or don't, and feel good about yourself. For once.)

Two hearts... two hearts that beat as one.

Michael Douglas, how could you slam a love so exquisite and enchanting as Pitt-Jolie love? A love like this does not come along every day. Surely this love must be held in highest esteem and nurtured by those around it. Michael Douglas, please respect Pitt-Jolie love as such a love demands to be respected.

Oh, and "once treated for sex addiction"? Bah ha ha ha ha.

Gay with a "gay."

Ladies and gentlemen, your gayest pic of the day, taken at the gayest event of the ever.

Luck, pressed.

R.I.P., Peter Tomarken.

Dunkle doughnuts.

Hey, remember "American Idol" season 1 co-host Brian Dunkleman? No? Well, here's what he looked like a few years ago...



Recently, top news source Inside Edition interviewed Dunkleman to find out why he walked away from the show after its first season.

Yes, that's right, "walked away."

Dunks, nobody likes a liar, and you know what happens to liars? Clearly, they get fat.



Anyway, good luck with that stand-up career. K.I.T. XOXO.

Cradle Robin.

And you felt bad for Christopher and Dana Reeve.



GOOD NIGHT!

Your video clip of the day.

OK. So we're going to go ahead and break an unwritten rule. And, in the process, we're going to be "one of those people." Oy. That's a lot to deal with. It's true. But, people, it turns out there's, of late, just too much priceless video footage online. We'd hate for you to miss out on it. So, we're going to begin a feature* called "Your video clip of the day"**.

Without further ado—proving that Serge Gainsbourg will ALWAYS be more fucked up than Whitney Houston, here is your video clip of the day...



*There is obviously no guarantee that this will last longer than today.
**We let one of the interns name the feature. He's been begging for something to do all day. We hope you're happy, Istvajne.

Pam Grier just killed herself so she could roll over in her grave.

Just in case you haven't been to TVGasm today, here's the bit of "absurd sci-fi plus Pam Grier-type action" we were made privvy to there. And, no, that's not RuPaul. It's much, muuuuuuuuuch worse.

We do know Mandisa.

OK, for a few seconds the other day, we considered trying to dig up crap on the 12 "American Idol" finalists and the 13 "America's Next Top Model" girls. And, by "dig up" we meant, "Google." And, by "considered," we meant "obviously not going to happen." Which is fine, because TMZ.com has done it for us. Listen to this scandalous news:

Kellie Pickler: Seems Kel has a major sweet tooth. She frequently makes "candy runs" at the hotel and picks up Sour Patch Kids and Gummy Bears.

Astounding!

Mandisa: She walks around the hotel in a "Jesus Loves Pedro" t-shirt. She is also a "worship leader" at Beth Moore's Living Proof Live conferences and wants to become a Bible teacher.

Shocking!

Bucky Covington: He was voted "Most Likely to Trip" at his high school graduation ceremony, and guess what -- he did! By the way, Bucky's wife, Crystal, was so nervous during the 'A.I.' eliminations, she had a bucket next to the sofa in case she threw up -- thankfully, she didn't!

Intriguing!

Elliott Yamin: Elliott's teeth are not exactly the model for a singer. But there's a medical reason why they're crooked. Elliott has diabetes, which can lead to crooked teeth. Elliott must wear a insulin pump to regulate his blood sugar levels.

Lying!

Ugh, anyway, it looks like TMZ.com put as much effort into this as we did. OK, we'll help. Here are the pressing questions we'd like answers to: 1.) How old is Taylor Hicks really? B.) Why did we never see Bucky before the finals? and •) What is the radius of Ace's face? There. Now get to work. We'll be eating bon-bons by the pool. Thanx.

Crashed.

Oh! This is a good time. It's Annie Proulx's reaction to Crash winning the "Best Picture" Oscar over Brokeback Mountain, which was based on a short story she wrote in 1997. The essay was published in the UK Guardian this past Saturday. Of course it was. Our favorite part? That's easy:

The red carpet now had taken on a different hue, a purple tinge.

The source of the colour was not far away. Down the street, spreading its baleful light everywhere, hung a gigantic, vertical, electric-blue neon sign spelling out
S C I E N T O L O G Y.*

*The writer/director of Crash is Paul Haggis who is, in fact, a Scientologist. He is also, in fact, responsible for Million Dollar Baby and "Walker, Texas Ranger."

My, my.

This photograph is entitled "my kitty...," which is fine, though we're a little worried about the non-acknowledgement of the monkey.