WHY DID NO ONE TELL US DIONNE WARWICK HAD HER OWN SKIN CARE LINE???
This is important for three reasons:
1.) Dionne Warwick's skin has been surgically altered enough times to make a skin care line kind of moot at this point.
2.) It's called "Enyo."
(We're pretty sure "See for yourself" can't be trademarked at this point.)
6.) The fact that the last time Dionne tried to hock something, it didn't go so well.
7.) It features more purple than both the gayest float in the gayest parade ever and NYU.
Did we say three reasons? Sorry.
Anyway, folks, if you're part of Dionne's fan club, you can get special discounts on this stuff. You can apparently join the fan club here, though this phrase, "THE DIONNE WARWICK INTERNATIONAL FAN CLUB accessible at DWIFC@aol.com..." leads us to believe that, not unlike her knowledge of skin care, Dionne Warwick's knowledge of the Internet is limited.
The best part of this all? On her actual Web site, the one at which you can't join the fan club, we found Dionne's "Message from Dionne," which, this month, includes this nugget:
my family, whitney, cissi, (whitney's mom), her brothers gary and michael, her daughter, bobbi kristina, her sister in law, pat, my nieces, britney and alyssa, my nephews, alex, and barry jr., my sister dede warwick, my cousin felicia moss eaton, my grandchildren cheyenne and kaelyn just recorded together a song called "family comes first" potentially for the new tyler perry film "daddy's little girls"
That's a whole lot of fucked-up in one studio! We can't wait to hear it. We imagine it will sound a lot like when you tune your Radio Shack walkman to AM.
OK. We have to go apply some Enyo to our nose, yo. We want to see if by applying enough, our nostrils will expand so you can see our skull, too! Ciao!