Cat-astrophe!

Hang in there, Fairfield.

Can we keep him?

We just LOL-ed maybe the most we've ever LOL-ed. That's a lot of LOL-ing.

Sorry to interrupt.

If anyone tries this, let us know what happens, K? We'd do it ourselves, but the interns provide quite enough interruptions, thank you ver

Not a good day for Houstons.

Here are the 10 most polluted cities in America (which we assume is more exciting than saying "the three most polluted areas in America").

I wanna smoke with somebody.

Um. We need the bathroom pic. Stat.

The great Ace coaster.

In case you do continue to watch "American Idol," why not put your almost all-alcohol drink on the first NB downloadable item ever: the great Ace coaster? Just print this post and grab some scissors! And try to cut around the circle and not through it, tempting as it may be.

Enjoy!

Tyr as we may.

+



=

Why we now have to watch "America's Next Top Model" tonight. Damn you, Tyra. We were trying to limit our addictions to alcohol and bible sudoku. Thanks a lot.

Spring cleaning.

We have good news and good news.

The good news? After seven seconds of careful consideration, we decided not to watch "American Idol" last night.

The good news? Having not watched, we still know this is going home...

Shut up, monkey.

Folks (Lori and Jen), we're not feeling it presently. Nous sommes desolés. Please bear with us. Thanx.

Out of the bag.

We told you it would be nice and easy. And don't think we didn't try to make it nice and rough. It's just that looking at pictures of extraterrestrials Tom and Katie and drugly Marc Antony and Sally-Kirkland-becoming Sharon Stone made us especially uncomfortable today. We just couldn't do it.

Alas, you'll have to make do with Ms. Mia, who's about to have a "purr"-thday (why, it says so in the latest "mews"!). Please notice that the average amount of comments for each of Ms. Mia's posts is approximately seven, and the average amount of comments for each post here is approximately zero.

Bravo, us. Bra-vo.

My 'lanta.

Regarding Atlanta, let's just say we lived an entire life in 10 days. As scared as we are of the South, we hold a special fondness for Atlanta. It's a city filled with nice people who are forced to drive on roads 18 lanes too narrow to accommodate the traffic.

There's the wonderful new Renzo Piano-designed addition to the High Museum of Art...





In the Ansley Park area of town, we found some swings, each with a plaque dedicated to the memory of a loved one...





Well, mostly...



There's also Piedmont Park, the kind-of-wonderful/kind-of-horrifying square of green in the middle of Midtown. It has a Holocaust, sorry, marathon statue sponsored by Asics and Power Bar.



There's also a homeless man living in one of the stalls of the public restroom near the children's playground. He was camera shy, but he says hello. He also takes offense to being called homeless, so, you know, we apologize.

We did get a pic of this man, having a nap in the sun.



Atlanta also hosts this sign at a Mexican restaurant...



...My Bling Bling Barbies at Target...



...and Veterans for Peace protests every Friday afternoon in Midtown.



The protests are almost as important as Bling Bling Barbies but not even close to the sign. Nothing is.

It is true that Atlanta also is home to the world's largest aquarium. 1.) Any attraction can be the "world's largest" if you place a giant open space in the middle. We found the Georgia Aquarium to be more like the world's largest food court. 2.) Alas, never, EVER go there. If you've ever snorkled, you've seen most of what the place has to offer. Well, except for the people...





Atlanta also features Swinging Richards, home to other large things. We went there, but we have no photos. You wouldn't want to see them, anyway. Trust.

We also almost had an opportunity to get up close to the smallpox. Seriously. We'll continue to work on that for you.

As for the nice people we mentioned, yes, we have pics of some of them, but, no, we don't post pics of others on the Interwebs. It's only fair. But we can tell you this...they're waaaaaaaaay hot. Way. Hot.

You know, it's almost as if this plaque (what's with all the plaques?) sums up our feelings exactly...



We'll see you in a month, gentle lady. Now, it's time for a refreshment break...

Big wheel keep on turning.

Well.

After being delayed for eight hours (yes, eight hours) at romantic Hartsfield International Airport yesterday, we have returned. Unfortunately, we have only slept about eight hours in the past few days, so we're going to make like Tina at the beginning of "Proud Mary" and take it nice and easy. At some point we'll get nice and rough, but, for now, we're going to work on adding photos to the Atlanta recap we wrote yesterday in between texting everyone ever and marveling at cargo sweatpants.

The patient is out.

NYC to ATL.

Well, there's good news and bad news. Which do you want first? The bad news? Of course.

The bad news is that all possible guest editors for this site are now gainfully employed and are not available for such minute-consuming guest-editing work.

The good news is that, because of this, you will be absolutely NB-free until Monday, March 27.

It's true. Your "editor" is leaving NYC for 10 days to venture to the ATL for some piano-playin' fun, and the interns went and booked themselves a suite at the Atlantic City Super 8. Please have a good 10 days, and don't do anything dumb. And if you are in the ATL area and want to give a shout out or buy a wayward gay a sweet tea, here's the show information. Come out and see us, y'heah?

Until then, then, the patient is out.

it gets betr.

OK. Try not to laugh some more.

Found communiqué.

Dear Mary-Kate and Ash,

Hey. I'm 15 months old, which is prob what you guys were when you started acting on "Full House." You both seemed to have it so together, especially since you shared the spotlight. Well, not shared, but shared in the sense that you were both Michelle. You know what I mean, right? Cool. Anyway, I'm kind of having a hard time right now. I mean, how were you treated at 15 months? Was your cast nice to you? Did the crew help you out when you needed it? How was craft services? Did they provide formula? Because the thing is, right now I feel like the people in charge here are kind of being irresponsible with me. I mean it's totally cool to be able to be viewed by pretty much the whole world, but have you two seen what I'm being used for? It's totally uncool. Look at today: I was saddled with some lame joke about Jay Leno and yet more pointless rambling about that "American Idol" show. It's, like, GETTING SO OLD. And, truth be told, the person in charge ("guy" would be too specific) I hate to say is a little...well...racist. And ageist. And sizeist. And, seriously, he's only, like, 5'3". Honestly. Anyway, MK and Ash, I'm just wondering if you have any advice for me. Is there a way to improve my situation? At so young an age, I feel like I can't do much else but be a puppet for some crazy opportunist's desires. Oh, and he is crazy. I mean, if he ever found out I sent this, he'd probably post it with some "funny" picture of a kitty or monkey beneath it (he can't even really figure out how to position text around a picture) and some lame "REBUTTAL" beneath that. Ugh. It's just what I'd expect from an adult with no power over anyone or anything real. If you can help me, help me. I'm dying a much-too-often-labored death over here.

Love,
One Weally Worried Web site



REBUTTAL:
We are not 5'3". How dare you. We are easily 5'4".

Contractually obliged to be unwavering.

Life & Style, we truly admire you for sticking to your gossip guns re: the Tom and Katie split. You were the ones that broke the not-true story weeks ago, and you refuse to be bullied into admitting you were wrong, which you were. Bravo, L & S, for marching steadfastly to your own off-rhythm drummer. And with such big, yellow font. Bravo.

Your video clip of the day.

Today it's Bing Crosby, Gwen Verdon, Bobbie Gentry, Englebert Humperdinck and Dick Shawn performing a Beatles medley on "Hollywood Palace." If you can, try to stick it out until the "Life Goes On" finale. It's a doozy.

One at a time.

Looks like the rest of us will have to wait.

Down the Hatcher.

Teri, you can do as much charity work for the gays as you deem necessary, but we'll never, ever, ever like you.