Sorry. But we're going to have to acknowledge that there is a Wayanses'ses's brothers movie called Little Man if only because we want to share some of our favorite quotes from various reviews of said film...
Jeffrey M. Anderson of Combustible Celluloid amusingly titles his review "'Little' Stinker" and goes on to straightforwardly say, "This film is awful in too many ways too count."
Kevin Carr of 7M Pictures says, "Little Man is easily the creepiest movie I've seen in my life."
Lauren Metz of Premiere magazine (is this thing STILL around???) goes for humorous with this: "Thumbs aren't the only things sucking in this slight summer comedy with a tortured plot and predictable laughs"; and this: "Also disappointing is Tracy Morgan, who falls far short of his proven Saturday Night Live comedic chops." ("Tracy Morgan" and "proven comedic chops" in the same sentence is the humorous part, by the way.)
Our new favorite-named critic, Winda Benedetti of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, gets philosophical: "The question you have to ask yourself before going to see the movie "Little Man" is this: If I were to watch a scene in which an exceedingly small adult dwarf who was dressed up like and passing himself off as a toddler attempted to force his adoptive mother to pleasure him in ways that cannot be described here in a family newspaper, would I find that to be A) absolutely freakin' HI-larious or B) utterly and unbelievably offensive?" (Also, we love Winda because of her use of "HI-larious." Obvs.)
The most enjoyable review comes from the always-dependable Christy Lemire of the Associated Press. She actually tries to rationalize the film. God bless her. Here's an example: "All the adults are complete idiots, of course, because no one seems to notice or care about how freakish baby Calvin is - the fact that he has a full set of teeth, for example - not even the doctor who examines him." AP, how 'bout giving Christy a little time off? We think it would do her some good.
Finally, here's a list of people to send that leftover anthrax to:
•Andrea Gronvall, Chicago Reader
•David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer
•Scott Bowles, USA Today
•Chris Hewitt (St. Paul), St. Paul Pioneer Press
•Michael Rechtshaffen, Hollywood Reporter
•Willie Waffle, WAFFLEMOVIES.COM
These are the critics who gave Little Man positive reviews. We suggest sending the most to Willie Waffle, for obvious reasons. (We're kidding about all of this, Pentagon! Sheesh. Haven't you got an Israel to keep your eye on?)