Vicki Sue Robinson...
...and, in the nick of time, Johnnie Cochran.
We greatly look forward to this program, especially to see how the corpse of Big Pun interacts with that of Dick York. Thanks, VH1!
*It was supposed to be longer, but we got tizzired. Honestly, this is really lame, but we didn't want our hard work to go unnoticed. Feel free to add more in the comments section, dudes.
Anyway, here's something ten times better than any of that: Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken. (We just applied for that, too.)
Janice Dickinson, one of the world's first supermodels...
Balki, sans Cousin Larry...
Pepa, which we think is the one on the right...
Something called Caprice...
...and Cory Hart, though not the Corey Hart who wore sunglasses at night. This Cory Hart is some kind of motocross champion, so, obviously, we couldn't bebothered to find a picture of it.
All in all, it sounds OK. The Omarosa-Dickinson dynamic should be entertaining. For about five minutes. Before we shoot ourselves. Our favorite part of all this is the Scotsman article, linked above, in which Flavor Flav is spelled "Flavour Flav." So fancy!
Here are the girls, Paige (the authoress) and Shelley:
Now, before we quote from the guide, please understand that the NB adores visitors to NYC (except for those who talk during shows). No, really, we do. We think NYC is muy fantastico, and we think everyone should experience being harrassed by a hobo in Nikes at least once in his or her life. The city thrives on tourism, so we welcome visitors. If we choose to avoid you, do not take it personally.
That said, here are our favorite Paige DeAngelo tour guide bits:
"I recommend [Central Park] as a place to go when you have nothing else to do. A great place for alone time."
"A good place to eat is Tavern on the Green."
"Chelsea was one of my favorites areas in the city. There is a lot going on and not too many tourists. The buildings are my favorite. The architectural aspect of them is amazing!"
"The West Village is my favorite! I thought it was very clean and not sketchy at all."
"There is a great bakery on Bleeker called the Magnolia Bakery. All they have are cupcakes. And it's across from a little playground that has benches for you to sit on while you stuff your face with cupcakes. This is an area where you could spend many days. So much is going on. But it is not like FRIENDS. Don't let that fool you."
"I didn't make it to Little Italy. But I hear if you want great pasta, it's the place to go. I didn't go to China Town either. It just didn't seem appealing. But, I hear they have some really good Green Tea ice cream."
"I got to sit on the front row of Chicago. A great show, very simplistic. They wear the same costume, and carry any props they use."
"In closing, there are a few things that one most posses in order to look like a local in New York (I only had one of the items). Number One: a black winter coat. If you wear anything that is not black, navy, gray, or brown, you will be seen for blocks. Number Two: an iPod. On the subway, 1 out of 2 people has one. My favorite thing to do was get as close as possible without scaring the other person, to hear what they were listening to. I heard lots of rap. And Number Three: a dog of some breed."
Oh, Jesse, you were so pretty. Those quickie Thailand plastic surgery jaunts sound attractive, but you shouldn't actually sign up for one. Don't you watch "60 Minutes," Jess?
In related news, a gay owl was there...
..as was a lesbian...
Um, let's see... they're both on "American Idol," so the answer obviously is neither. But you knew that, Star. You're all pretending to be on the outside when you can predict babies years before Britney Spears figures out that K-Fed's minnie drescher doesn't just go in her mouth, so what's with this shit? We are not amused.
The Republican media strategist who died at actress Carrie Fisher's Beverly Hills home on Oscar Saturday OD'd on a deadly cocktail of cocaine and painkillers.
A coroner's report was released last week on the death of 42-year-old R. Gregory Stevens, who served as co-chairman of the Bush/Cheney Entertainment Task Force. The D.C. dealmaker was also employed by Washington lobbyists Barbour Griffith & Rogers.
"People in Hollywood have been trying to keep this very quiet," one Left Coast source said. "Carrie is still very close to her ex-husband [powerhouse agent] Bryan Lourde"
In the meantime, enjoy this:
As always, the NB loves you and wants you to live.
From our new favorite site ever of the day, Overheard in New York:
Cop: Move it along, bub.
Hobo: What? I don't wanna move, I'm sleeping here.
Cop: I said move it, buddy.
Hobo: Why? I'm not bothering anyone, can I please stay, please, please?
Cop: OK, fine. Stay.
Hobo: I love you.
Obesity = immediate elimination
Lesbian = multi-ethnic sympathy
Fainting = Janice Dickinson crawling around on the floor with a water bottle
We don't know which is the worst, but we can't wait for next week, in which we hope to hear more quotes like last night's Tyra-response to Rebecca collapsing:
"How many of you were scared? I was really, really scared."