Simon's awakening.

We are giddy, unapologetic fans of the Broadway musical Spring Awakening and the legendary curmudgeonly theater critic John Simon. This summer, Spring Awakening began as an off-Broadway show at the Atlantic Theater Company. Here's what one-time New York Magazine theater critic Simon said:

June 16 (Bloomberg) -- Frank Wedekind's groundbreaking play, "Spring Awakening,'' is now a fresh 115 years old. Duncan Sheik's rock-music adaptation, though a mere infant, wears less well.

This is a story of how procrustean morality, hidebound teachers and prudishly fumbling parents cause despair and death among betrayed youth in puberty. Though the plot remains largely the same, retaining period and place, it clashes with the standing or hand-held mikes.

The sundry diminishments and a new ending that contradicts the play's thrust are, I suppose, meant to be compensated for by the songs. Steven Sater's lyrics, however, are pretentiously pseudopoetic when, despite miking, they can be heard at all.

Although I have scant use for rock music, and less when it's in the theater, Sheik seems to have done well by those who care for it. There is even one number, "There Once Was a Pirate,'' which, regardless of irrelevance to the plot, is lovely by any standards.

With rather too minimal scenery and questionable disco lighting, the show nevertheless gets good direction from Michael Mayer, though Bill T. Jones's grotesque choreography is hardly to everyone's taste. The enactments of misguided adults and confused juveniles are commendable, even if having all grownups played by two actors smacks of contrivance. Outstanding is the leading youth, splendidly sung and acted by Jonathan Groff.

If anything surprised us about this review, it was how tame it was in its distaste for the show. Simon knows his theater history and his languages, and we did not expect him to be amused by Duncan Sheik and Steven Sater's playful updating of Frank Wedekind's German play.

Nonetheless, Spring Awakening was a modest hit off-Broadway due to other more positive reviews. The producers ambitiously decided to move it from off-Broadway to Broadway, where it's technically cheaper to produce a show because of the larger amount of seats available for each performance. The Broadway production was re-reviewed by all the major critics who generally loved it more than they did the first time. We were looking forward to seeing John Simon's review most of all as the production, in its move uptown, cut the one song Simon seemed to kind of enjoy.

Well, Simon did re-review it. Maybe. Someone named John Simon did. To understand our confusion, here's the full second review—were not going to post it in its entirety because it's too long. We will, however, post relevant excerpts:

Shows can be innovative without being good or vice versa. But when "Spring Awakening,'' a new musical, is both, it is grounds for cheering. Steven Sater, librettist and lyricist, and Duncan Sheik, a pop star and serious composer, began turning it into a musical in 1999. After many workshops, concert performances and delays, "Spring Awakening'' opened last summer at the Atlantic Theater Company and was an instant success.

But what is gained is Sheik's propulsive alternative rock score, which knows when to soften for romantic or wistful numbers. Cannily orchestrated by Sheik, with adroit vocal and additional arrangements by AnnMarie Milazzo and Simon Hale, it achieves a seductive sound that most recent Broadway musicals have lacked.

Sater's verses are nothing if not lyrical, sometimes even a bit too sophisticated for the kids from whom they issue. Wendla's "Oh how we/ Fall in silence from the sky/ And whisper some silver reply,'' and Melchior's response, "Window by window/ You try and look into/ This brave new you that you are'' are cases in point.

There is inventiveness in the alternating use of body, handheld and standing mikes, in the way disparate actions are shown contiguously or in bold crosscutting. Bill T. Jones's youthfully evocative choreography -- it is unlike the dancing anywhere else on Broadway -- is idiosyncratic yet mesmerizing and deserves its own accolades for advancing the form. Kevin Adams's lighting, enhanced by a good deal of neon is, well, electrifying, and Susan Hilferty's period costumes are scrupulously appropriate. Christine Jones's set largely replicates the look of the Atlantic's theater, an intimate desanctified church, which seems entirely apt given the importance of religiosity, imposed and rejected, in the play.

Yeah, that last bit's our favorite. The choreography has gone from "grotesque" to "idiosyncratic yet mesmerizing." The "questionable disco lighting" is now "electrifying," and the "rather too minimal set" in a small off-Broadway house is now "entirely apt" in a huge Broadway one.

Hey, whatever, right? People change their minds. Absolutely. And we encourage them to do so. And we're thrilled that John Simon RILLY liked the musical the second time. But, for those of you who know Simon's record, he is an unsympathetic brute. He has laughed off Stoppard and Kushner, trashed Albee and dismissed Miller. This change of heart over a musical we thought he'd crush between his pinky and ring finger is significant because it either shows he's getting kinder with age, or, more likely, he's going senile. Whichever the case may be, these reviews, written only several months apart, make for some clearly hi-larious comparing and contrasting.

Most of all, go see Spring Awakening. The score is the best theater score written so far this decade, and everything else about it, especially the idiosyncratic yet mesmerizing choreography, is unforgettable. And, no, in case you're worried, we are not Duncan Sheik fans. But you don't need to be to enjoy this show. And if you don't like it the first time, maybe you will the second, you old coot...

City to Ford: You First.

As you're probably aware if you're breathing, President Gerald Ford is not. In commemoration of the man whose accomplishments included the unconditional pardoning of Richard Nixon, "WIN" buttons and the Mayaguez Incident, we'd like to share this touching photograph of Ford meeting with his Chief of Staff and Secretary of Defense. Can you name them?

Need a hint? OK...


If you need us, we'll be at the Betty Ford Clinic. At the bar.


Lost. And found.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and make it a Tuesday to remember.



We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
And, unless we feel like posting next week, which we may,
a happy new year.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, and, if you live in Denver, spread Christmas goodwill and pay a poor person to shovel for you.

Merry Christmas from Sufjan!

Sexy holidays from Dusty!


Do you love egg nog? Do you love pie? Of course you do! Well, fasten your seat belts because we're about to blow your mind. Click on this link, and you'll be taken to a recipe for...


And for afterwards, here's a link for emedicine.com.


Merry Christmas from Joey, Donnie, Danny and Jordan!

What, child, is this?

And now it's time for a Christmas quiz!

Which song is not only the top-selling Christmas song of all time but is also the top-selling single of all time, according to the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records?

A.) "White Christmas" - Bing Crosby

B.) "All I Want for Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey

C.) "The Chipmunk Song" - The Chipmunks

D.) "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" - John Lennon

Well? What do you say? This quiz only has one question, so if you mess up, you fail completely. But if you're reading this site, you should be used to that by now.

Oh! Here's the answer, dudes.

Merry Christmas from Neil and Chris!

You try to tell them they haven't left Pennsylvania.

Ah, Christmastime. The time of year when we spread joy to others. When we give and receive gifts. When we let those who love us and who we love know how much they truly to mean to us. When we treat the mentally handicapped like amoebae. NOW GET ON THE MAGIC TURBO PLANE!

Merry Christmas from John and the Muppets!

Good dill and cheer.

It's Wednesday, December 20 at 10:30 a.m. Do you know where your Christmas pickle is?


Merry Christmas from Zac, Taylor and Isaac!

Home for the holidays.

The idea of Ugly Christmas Lights is to bring you a yearly roundup of unforgivable home Christmas displays. Unfortunately the idea is better than the execution as most examples found at the site can easily be topped by anything found in our childhood subdivision in Florida. However, occasionally this site does succeed...


Merry Christmas from Barbara!

To get from one to 90 proof.

You'll need something to wash your 3 a.m. gingerbread house binge down with. Here's a link to recipes for some special holiday cocktails. Like the Scroogedriver. It's a screwdriver but with a HI-larious holiday-inspired name! Bah, ice cube!

Merry Christmas from Kenny and Dolly!

Ye merry gentlemen can rest later.

If there's one thing we do about the holidays, it's that you can get fat as a fat potato from stuffing your greedy face with all those Bûches de Noel. That's why we're delighted to link you to this page, which lists typical holiday activities and the amount of calories you'll burn by doing them. You know who else will be delighted? Your spouse, that's who.


Merry Christmas from Grace!

Poinsettia taken.

Courtesy of the usually useless Ada Evening News in Ada, Oklahoma, some fun facts about poinsettias. Including the one about poinsettias not being poisonous which we always thought was, in fact true, true. Well, at least now we know what not to feed our neighbor's cat this weekend.

Merry Christmas from Kate!


If you're as big a sap for Christmas music as we are (yet one more thing we blame on Judaism), here's a list of a ton of stations streaming nothing but Christmas music all day and night, which should be enough to make you hate it all by tomorrow at noon.
Oh, and we also found the most perfect Christmas tree ornament EVAH.

Merry Christmas from Karen and Kristy!

Siinior citizen.

You know what granny wants for Christmas, fruitcake? Not a Christmas fruitcake.

Christmas, Christmas time is near.

Hello, folks! We're back. You know, Mt. Hood is MUCH colder than we expected it to be.

We did a lot of thinking this weekend about what to get all of you, but we realized we really don't have much time to shop for two extra gifts. And, we have a holiday party to prepare for! So, as our holiday gift to you, this week all our posts will be holiday-themed! Like this one...

So, sit back, have some Jack and nog, open that enormous tin of popcorn your aunt sent you and enjoy!


Hey, gimmel that shin, nun!

Long weekend for us! So, like usual, we won't be posting. Please have a great weekend-before-Christmas weekend and, of course, a very chappy Chanukah ("chappy Chanukah"—hilarious!).

Shalom, you.


Get yer TV Globes!

Here are the Golden Globe TV noms. We searched for approximately 1.5 minutes for a list as nicely laid out as the film one but had no luck. You'll have to deal with this:

Series, Drama: "24," Fox; "Big Love," HBO; "Grey's Anatomy," ABC; "Heroes," NBC; "Lost," ABC

Big Love is really the only surprise here. Oh, and that fucking Battlestar Galactica, the best show on television, wasn't nominated yet again. That's another surprise.

Actress, Drama: Patricia Arquette, "Medium"; Edie Falco, "The Sopranos"; Evangeline Lilly, "Lost"; Ellen Pompeo, "Grey's Anatomy"; Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"

Evangeline Lilly is the first person in Golden Globe history to get a nomination based solely on getting wet.

Actor, Drama: Patrick Dempsey, "Grey's Anatomy"; Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"; Hugh Laurie, "House"; Bill Paxton, "Big Love"; Kiefer Sutherland, "24"


Series, Musical or Comedy: "Desperate Housewives," ABC; "Entourage," HBO; "The Office," NBC; "Ugly Betty," ABC; "Weeds," Showtime


Actress, Musical or Comedy: Marcia Cross, "Desperate Housewives"; America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty"; Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives"; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "The New Adventures of Old Christine"; Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"


Actor, Musical or Comedy: Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"; Zach Braff, "Scrubs"; Steve Carrell, "The Office"; Jason Lee, "My Name is Earl"; Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"

Huzzah for Baldwin. Sheer brilliance.

Miniseries or movie: "Bleak House," PBS; "Broken Trail," AMC; "Elizabeth I," HBO; "Mrs. Harris," HBO; "Prime Suspect: The Final Act," PBS

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Gillian Anderson, "Bleak House"; Annette Bening, "Mrs. Harris"; Helen Mirren, "Elizabeth I"; Helen Mirren, "Prime Suspect: The Final Act"; Sophie Okonedo, "Tsunami, The Aftermath"

We're so glad Tsunami, the Aftermath is finally getting some recognition.

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Andre Braugher, "Thief"; Robert Duvall, "Broken Trail"; Michael Ealy, "Sleeper Cell: American Terror"; Chiwetel Ejiofor, "Tsunami, The Aftermath"; Ben Kingsley, "Mrs. Harris"; Bill Nighy, "Gideon's Daughter"; Matthew Perry, "The Ron Clark Story"

Dench is nominated again!!! (See previous post for marginally entertaining explanation.)

Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Emily Blunt, "Gideon's Daughter"; Toni Collette, "Tsunami, The Aftermath"; Katherine Heigl, "Grey's Anatomy"; Sarah Paulson, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"; Elizabeth Perkins, "Weeds"

Are you fucking kidding us with the Paulson??? Oh. Collette's there. Everything's OK. (See previous post for marginally entertaining explanation.)

Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Thomas Haden Church, "Broken Trail"; Jeremy Irons, "Elizabeth I"; Justin Kirk, "Weeds"; Masi Oka, "Heroes"; Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"

And, unsurprisingly, this list is done in by Piven.

See you at the Globes!

Get yer film Globes!

The nominations for the 64th Annual Golden Globe Awards (you know, the fun Oscars) were announced today. In helpful list form, with minimal commentary, they are, filmwise...

Best Motion Picture
The Departed
Little Children
The Queen

We are proud to say we haven't seen any of these, though we actually do want to see The Queen. Well, we loves some Mirren!

Best Motion Picture -- Musical or Comedy
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
The Devil Wears Prada
Little Miss Sunshine
Thank You For Smoking

We are proud to say we haven't seen any of these, either.

Best Director
Clint Eastwood - Flags of Our Fathers
Clint Eastwood - Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears - The Queen
Alejandro González Iñárritu - Babel
Martin Scorsese - The Departed

Apparently Clint Eastwood is so powerful, he's become two people. Scorsese always gets shown up. Poor thing.

Best Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio - Blood Diamond
Leonardo DiCaprio - The Departed
Peter O'Toole - Venus
Will Smith - The Pursuit of Happyness
Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland

Well, at least Scorsese has the power to make someone else two people. That's cool.

Best Actress
Penelope Cruz - Volver
Judi Dench - Notes on a Scandal
Maggie Gyllenhaal - Sherrybaby
Helen Mirren - The Queen
Kate Winslet - Little Children

Can we just give Judi D. a piece of glowing gold that stands for every award ever to be given?
Best Actor -- Musical or Comedy
Sacha Baron Cohen - Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Aaron Eckhart - Thank You For Smoking
Chiwetel Ejiofor - Kinky Boots
Will Ferrell - Stranger Than Fiction

Hmmm. Oh! We get it. If you unscramble "Chiwetel Ejiofor," you get "Judi Dench." Makes sense. But good for Penelope. May she never make another English-speaking movie again.

Best Actress -- Musical or Comedy
Annette Bening - Running with Scissors
Toni Collette - Little Miss Sunshine
Beyonce Knowles - Dreamgirls
Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada
Renee Zellweger - Miss Potter

Be-who? Be-what? Be-really? Fortunately, Toni Collette's there, which always makes everything OK.

Best Supporting Actor
Ben Affleck - Hollywoodland
Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls
Jack Nicholson - The Departed
Brad Pitt - Babel
Mark Wahlberg - The Departed

Eh. We'd be happier for Murphy if he wasn't prone to beating up trannies.

Best Supporting Actress
Jennifer Hudson- Dreamgirls
Adriana Barraza - Babel
Cate Blanchett - Notes on a Scandal
Emily Blunt - The Devil Wears Prada
Kikuchi Rinko - Babel

Blanchett for that piece of crap?!? Has anyone in the Hollywood Foreign Press actually seen that movie? We thought not.

Best Screenplay
Little Children
Notes on a Scandal
The Departed
The Queen

Again, we promise you no one in the HFP saw Notes on a Scandal. Or at least got the English translation.

Best Animated Feature
Monster House
Happy Feet

We hate cartoons. HATE.

Best Foreign Language Film
Letters from Iwo Jima
The Lives of Others
Pan's Labyrinth

Can everyone please refer to Apocalypto as "Apocalypso" from now on? No specific reason. It's just funnier. Thanx.

Best Original Score
The Painted Veil
The Fountain
The Da Vinci Code

Score for the score for The Fountain. It's beautiful. You should illegally download it immediately.

Best Original Song
Listen - Dreamgirls
Never Gonna Break My Faith - The Pursuit of Happyness
Bobby - Happy Feet

And there they are. The Golden Globe film nominations. Special kudos to Emilio Estevez for having a foreign-sounding name to trick the HFP into nominating the piece of crap we've unequivocally heard is Bobby. Again, we were fortunate enough not to have actually seen it.

We'll try to get the TV noms to you momentarily. Unless we're distracted. Fingers crossed...


Puttin' in the ground.

We just have to take a brief moment to mourn the passing of the definitive Frankenstein's monster, Peter Boyle. Godspeed! (Fun fact: Peter Boyle was a monk before he was an actor.)

The music sans the mirror.

Can someone pleeeeze get Broadway a stylist? Things are, like, out of control.

Adeskte fidelis.

In the NB's never-ceasing desire to be not entirely useless, we wanted to post a link to office party etiquette to help you behave at the most mind-numbingly awkward event of the year. We found plenty of useful ones, but the one we chose was About.com's because, well, in keeping true to the general uselessness of supposedly totally useful About.com, its entry on office party etiquette is pretty hilariously useless. (Yeah, the part about us wanting this site to be not entirely useless was pretty also pretty hilariously useless.)

Here's why:

First of all, it's written by this guy.

Second of all, this: "Watch what you drink. Keep reminding yourself that this is a business event first and a party second. I drink Vodka Tonics, but at the holiday party, I have them without the vodka. No one knows but me. After all, there's plenty of time to drink after the party."

That's the most stupidest thing we've ever heard. The boss isn't tasting your drink at the holiday party; he's watching how much you drink. So, you might as well get liquored up if you're gonna hold something clear and fizzy in your hand all night. Duh. Oh, and we really don't trust someone talking to us about alcohol who doesn't know that "vodka tonic" is not a proper noun.

Third of all, we ADORE this helpful tip: "If you drive drunk, you may kill yourself or someone else."

Which really nicely sums up their links for suggested office holiday party-etiquette reading:

Happy office holidays, people!

The state of things.

Unsurprisingly, Florida wins today.

Unsurprisingly, Texas is a close second.

The beach.

Leo DiCaprio wants answers, bitches!

You coulda been a star, baby!

Via a not-so-entertaining thread on Datalounge, here's a so entertaining site that lists movie roles turned down, not gotten, missed out on etc. by certain actors (and then taken by Jude Law). It's totally interesting until you read the part where it says all the information is submitted by users of the site, which means approximately 2% is possibly true. Still, sucks for Sean Connery.


Thanks, Michelle!


Number two.

Once again, we missed this blog's birthday. For some reason we think it's December 16, but it's really December 9. Silly us! Anyway, The NB is two years old as of this past weekend. And, if we may say so, it doesn't seem a day over 87. We're sure you'll agree.

Rather than write some sentimental claptrap about how much this means to us, we'll just wish ourselves a happy birthday and urge you not to click here to read the latest Coffee Talk Companion. It's our birthday gift to you.


Music to your freezing ears.

If there's anyone still reading this thing, we'd like to invite you to come hear us perform Sunday night, December 10, at the Bitter End in NYC's own Greenwich Village. We'll be playing piano with our singer/songwriter friend, Michael Mirlas. Admission is a mere $5, and we're doing a 30-minute set. It will be very cheap, very short and very gay. Just like us.

What better way to celebrate the holidays than by hearing some original queer folk/pop music? Showtime is 9.30 p.m. The postcard below says 9 p.m. just to get your slow asses there by 9.30. Oh, and the lesbian violinist isn't performing, so the show's 100% lesbian-free. PHEW!

Hope to see you there with jingle bells on! Have a good weekend, you.


Effie, we all got clips.

Here are 13 clips from Dreamgirls. We've watched two, and we still want to see the film, which surprises us.



Here's a link to the list of today's GRAMMY nominations. And here's a link to Google, so you can search for something that actually matters.

Hit it, Mohandas!

The Metropolitan Opera will stage Philip Glass' Satyagraha in its 2007–2008 season. This is important because a.) Satyagraha is part of Glass' first operatic trilogy, written when he was composing music he cared deeply about, b.) it's a co-production with the English National Opera, for our money one of the most artistically adventurous opera companies in existence and c.) it's a good sign for a major production of Akhnaten, our favorite of Glass' works. If you've never heard either of the aforementioned operas or Einstein on the Beach, shut off that Dreamgirls soundtrack and get to work. Beyoncé can wait. She may look 40, but she's only 25.

Steppin' to the bad side.

And we are telling you Jennifer Hudson thinks gay is a sin.

And we are telling you Jennifer Hudson loves the gays.

Maybe, just maybe...she is chaaaaaaaanging.

And thus ends our Dreamgirls-quoting, Jennifer Hudson-may-or-may-not-like-gay-people post. As you were.

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Visions of plums, sugar!

Dudes, we still feel crappy. But, really, your time spent not at this site should afford you precious additional seconds of holiday shopping time. See? We're always thinking of you. Speaking of which, we'll take most anything from this page. Thanx!

Oh, and if you see Whelchel, tell her to get her lazy born-again ass to work. There's only so much Thanksgiving at Mammoth Mountain that we can take.

Oh oh! And hearty congratulations to Caridee. Well, you know. Congratulations for "winning" America's Next Top Model. Though we probably should offer heartier congratulations to Melrose and that other girl for not winning. Well, actually, we should probably offer heartiest congratulations to the twins for not making it to the final episode. One seems to have the best chance of becoming somewhat semi-famous by being eliminated just before the final episode. So, congratulations, Jaeda!

Oh oh oh! This just in! Here's what we really want for the holidays (too hot for work!)!


Duly noted.

A kind sir and fan of this blog (!) invited us to a screening of the new Judi Dench/Cate Blanchett film, Notes on a Scandal, last night. Sick as we were, we went, because we are totally cheap. And we also love some Dench and Blanchett. And we adored screenwriter Patrick Marber's Closer. And the trailer was very promising, in a total campfest kind of way.

Now, we are in an awkward position here. We have two choices. We can tell you the film was superb with the hope that we will be invited to more screenings. Or we can tell you the film was disappointing with the hope that honesty is really the best policy. The thing is, we feel duty-bound to say something about the film as we understand that when marginal blogger gets invited to free movie, marginal blogger gives movie free publicity. Which is totally cool.


We'll go ahead and say that Judi Dench gives a marvelous performance as a lonely spinster teacher who manipulates a younger teacher, Cate Blanchett, into becoming her very best friend. And most everything that comes out of her mouth is certain to be quoted by gay men for at least a few hours.


The rest of the film, unfortunately, is, er, not as marvelous. Had we paid to see it, we might say something like "Philip Glass not only phones the score in, as per usual, but phones it in WITH THE VOLUME TURNED ALL THE WAY UP" or "It's difficult to care for two pathetic characters to begin with, but even more so when neither has been properly developed." But we won't. We'll just urge you to see this film for Judi Dench's wonderful performance. And hope that maybe, just maybe, we'll be invited to see another movie that we can actually talk about, if you know what we mean.



Karma suture.

We are sick as a dog. Marginally entertain yourselves! (And if you think we think this is because we made AIDS jokes on World AIDS Day, well, you're 23% correct.)


A time for AIDS.

OH! And we just want to make sure everyone is clear that the government's obviously highly effective "No Sex Without Marriage" campaign has been mistakenly named. We just got a memo from Bono, Iman and Madonna that it should the correct name for the program is "No Sex Without This Watch."

So, now you know. And that's what World AIDS Day is all about. Commerce. Which means we really should be able to score a Wii at this point. Is there an AIDS Wii 'cause it's fine if it's red. We'll take it. 'Cause that's what World AIDS Day is all about. Us.

Cirque de Sol-AIDS.

That's the spirit, MSNBC!

Though, we do have to comment on the fact that experts see prevention as the key to curbing AIDS infection.


Clearly, this special RAZR is.

Better luck next time, "experts."

Fucking liberal media.

Cancer is so yesterday.

Sorry. The holidays make us very busy. Mostly because of all the gifts we have to add to the appropriate lists. Gifts for us, we mean.

Speaking of holidays, we just had to drop in to wish you a very...


Hey, AIDS, don't fret that you only have a day. You have to pretty much be a sex or race to get a month. You can't even really be a planet and get much more than a day. It's OK. Maybe if you stick around for another 30 years (fingers crossed!), you'll get a week! Come to think of it, to help out on this momentous day devoted to a deadly disease that probably would have only merited a measly hour or two if condoms were available in places like, say, schools and bus stations, we expect all our readers to spread the joy of AIDS to each other and to everyone all over the world. Give a teacher AIDS. Give a loved one AIDS. Give your mom AIDS. Let's make this disease important enough to get it the occasion it deserves! And, maybe, if we all work quickly enough, we can bypass the week and go straight to National AIDS Month. Or even International AIDS Year. The possibilities are endless, really! So, get on it (pun most assuredly intended)!

While you're doing that, we'll be shopping with Bono for AIDS clothes at the GAP. Hey, it may only warrant a day right now, but at least it's CHIC, CHIC, CHIC!



How to build the perfect Cylon.

According to an article on Slate.com today, there are approximately 10 billion podcasts created by the writers and producers of Battlestar Galactica, easily the best drama currently on television. We don't listen to podcasts because not only can't we deal with "podcast," but we also don't have time to listen to anyone else but ourselves speak. However, we bring you this information because...

If you really want to understand what makes Battlestar Galactica great, scroll through the iTunes list to the podcasts called "Battlestar Galactica Writers Meeting." These are four hours of unedited recordings from the writers' room, and they're fascinating, even for the uninitiated. The podcasts are like a master class in how to make good television.

If we did listen to podcasts, we'd totally listen to that one. But we don't, so we won't. Here's a pic of Bamber.

Gimme an A+!

Just so you know, if you're not watching this, you're missing out on this:

And so much more. Like freestyle dancing, "sexy walks," gauze lens vs. non-gauze lens, a pocket-sized and bewildered Japanese cheerleader and a move we have affectionately deemed the "lipsmacker." So, like, turn off the snoozefest that is Top Model and turn this shit on. After all, you ain't got no alibi!

Wii are the world.

As long as we don't have a Wii (and we don't because we're kind of not in the mood to stand in front of a store for hours starting at 4 a.m.), we will be forced to amuse ourselves by reading about people accidentally hurling their Wii remotes through their TV and computer screens. Which ultimately will probably be more entertaining than the Wii itself.


Cabin fever.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and be a Big Brother to a baby in Darfur.


Your video clip of the day.

We stole this video from Go Fug Yourself, but it's really important.
1.) It features husband and wife Peter Andre and "Jordan" singing "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. If you don't know who these two are, it would behoove you to do some research.

2.) Or not. Two talentless adults (or one talentless couple) very sincerely singing "A Whole New World" in a black-and-white video should be enough to entertain without any context.

Alpha gamma epsidead.

From Ian:

Kill your own Russian spy!

(Yeah, we're too tired to even write our own bad jokes.)

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Romancing the tone.

It's nice to see that Kathleen Turner's one horrible outfit is reversible. Or...the lapel is...or...something.

Black Tuesday.

Oy. Our body is still in shock from the 762 pounds of food we ate this past week. Honestly, we just cried gravy. Like the guy from Casino Royale. But gravy. Not blood. Gravy.

Anyway, enjoy this bit of nostalgia while we recover. It gets rilly good at the 18-second mark.


I had the most wonderful dream...

Sorry for the intrusion, but we just have to mention that we actually teared up on hearing about the passing of director Robert Altman. He is responsible for our two favorite films, Nashville, the best American film about America ever made, and 3 Women, an homage to Persona and definite inspiration for Mulholland Dr. If you've never seen either of these films, you now have Thanksgiving homework.

Thank you, Mr. Altman. And consider Quintet already forgotten about.



We planned to post today and tomorrow, but we're already in the holiday spirit, so we're going to call it a week. Consider it something else to be thankful for. And, anyway, judging by the New York City sidewalks this weekend, which were filled with only tourists and crazies, everyone else has called it a week. So, use this time to start cookin', get some shoppin' done, see a movie, sell drugs to teenagers so you can afford that $2,200 PS3 on eBay, whatever. But, most of all, buy us a Wii. Sorry. Most of all, have a very happy Thanksgiving.

And, OK, here's something for the road.