1. John F. Kennedy Jr.
1960–1999
Oh, John John, we'll always adore you. From all those times we saw you in the elevator to the time we saw you exit the bathroom to that time you said hi and we all started giggling uncontrollably, we love you.
2. Judas
ca. 0
Our number two man was also God’s number two man. You gots to be hot to be best friends with the almighty. And so what if he betrayed Him? More points for staying true to bad-ass style!
3. Cary Grant
1904–1986
The definition of suave, handsome and dashing all rolled into one delicious cupcake.
4. David
1501–1504
Based on the religious story of David and Goliath (not the eerie religious claymation "Davey and Goliath" series), this sculpture is a sight to behold. We could spend hours staring at certain parts of his physique. HOURS.
5. Casanova
1725–1798
This spy, soldier, violinist and translator of Homer’s Iliad is mostly remembered for his adventures with scores of women. It was his diligent service in the Italian army that got him on this list, though.
Kidding! It was the chicks!
6. James Dean
1931–1955
The eyes... the sneer... the death car. America's picture perfect teen rebel that still gets 'em swooning.
7. John Lennon
1940–1980
Imagine if this visionary were alive today. On second thought, don't—he'd probably be fat and opening for the Rolling Stones. All we need is love for John and his beautiful corpse.
8. Sitting Bull
1831–1890
This noble Sioux warrior was famous for taking a stand against the white man's onslaught, and told the white settlers to go home because they were scaring the buffalo. His nickname was Hunkesi (1. derived from the Latin prefix hunk 2. hunky or having a hunk-like nature 3. hottie).
9. Rudolph Valentino
1895–1926
Before Leo, the Beatles, and even James Dean, teenage girls had someone to faint over. The first real screen idol, Valentino oozed sensuality from every swarthy pore. So hot he even made it into a Bangles song.
10. Elvis Presley
Although his later years were filled with a smorgasbord of drugs and PB and mayo sandwiches, we must never forget that he started out as a real southern cutie who could gyrate till the cows came home.
11. Marc Antony
61-30B.C.
This fiery Latin, not to be confused with present-time’s drugly salsa sensation, headed up the left wing of Julius Caesar’s army and had three wives, one of whom was Cleopatra. When in Rome, do as the Romans do? You ain't kiddin'!
12. Che Guevera
1928–1967
This wild, romantic revolutionary became a legend for discontented youth. And we think anything that has to do with Cuba is pretty sexy, especially someone who’s as cute as his dreamy pic!
13. Ponce de Leon
1460?–1521
How do we know this Spanish explorer was more than just your average adventurer? He pioneered the search for eternal youth. And he didn't just browse a shelf in Duane Reade for the perfect antioxidant. No sir, Señor de Leon went halfway around the world to find the Fountain of Youth. And so what if he didn't find the oil, we still say olé!
14. Sir Laurence Olivier
1907–1989
To Sir, with love. This guy made Shakespeare sexy, brought Heathcliff to fiery new wuthering heights and even managed to look dreamy with a moustache.
15. John F. Kennedy
1917–1963
This sexy 35th President and Prince of Camelot had the country ooh-ing and the world ahh-ing. And he also had two of our top five ladies, Jackie and Marilyn. And he also fathered our number one guy, JFK Jr. Damn, just writing this is making us all hot!
16. Khan Family
1167?–1227 and 1215–1294, respectively
Okay, so these are two people. But how to choose between Khans? Admittedly not an easy task. So both grandfather and grandson are here representin’ what the Mongolians called hot and spicy.
17. Leonard Bernstein
1918–1990
Lenny’s lovely look is sweet music to our ears. He kept it cool. Real cool.
18. Nelson A. Rockefeller
1908–1979
When we look at Nelson Rockefeller, we see money in the bank. And that's always beautiful, baby.
19. Alexander the Great
356–323 B.C.
It was difficult to select one representative beautiful ancient Greek. But you’ve never heard of Sophocles the Fabulous or Euripides the Outstanding, have you? No, only Alexander was called something more than just a name, and one look into his dreamy eyes will have you longing for him to conquer your world! That's grrreat!
20. F. Scott Fitzgerald
1896–1940
Tender is the feeling we get when we look at this babe. Sigh. All this and he's smart too.
21. Leonardo Da Vinci
1452–1519
A real multi-talented beauty. He got Mona Lisa to smile and made a huge splash in Titanic. Unfortunately, Da Vinci enjoyed his last supper almost 500 years ago, but some screaming fans were excited enough to see him in his skivvies to endure The Beach.
22. River Phoenix
1970–1993
This ultimate teen hottie OD'd in Johnny Depp's Viper Room in the early nineties just as his career was taking off. We'll always remember him as the kid in Stand By Me who made everybody "skin it" when they were fighting.
23. Ramses
Rumor has it that Egyptian hottie Ramses would spend long hours sunbathing on the terrace of his pyramid with nothing more that a little golden speedo! WOW!
24. Kurt Cobain
1967–1994
Unarguably he's the cutest little ragamuffin of the 1990s. With his girlish sweaters and tendencies towards self-destruction, who wouldn't want to nurture him?
25. Roddy McDowell, a.k.a. Cornelius
The Very Distant Future
No need to beware the Beast Man: there is nothing wrong with someone who can fall head over heels with an intelligent simian from a future gone mad.
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