GDI, DFW.

So, as you may know, David Foster Wallace committed suicide this past weekend. We're not going to try to eulogize him, one of our favorite writers ever, with memories or stories or anecdotes or criticisms or frustrations. Others have done it better than we could. We'll say one thing: If you haven't read Infinite Jest, do not. It is a life-changing book, and if anyone ever told us to read something because it was life-changing, we wouldn't. We're saving you the trouble.

Also, this week McSweeney's is posting DFW-related contributions by whomever is inclined to submit. They're all worth your time. Below is our favorite excerpt, from an account sent in by a woman who had DFW as a writing instructor way back in 1987, when he was 25:

I used to confuse "further" and "farther," and, apparently, I did it quite often. In one of my stories, I'd confused them yet again, and in the margins, he'd written, simply, "I hate you." I've never confused them since.

Jason & Ben ticket update, y'all.

Tickets are going like hotcakes for our little musical! And we're not just saying that. There's proof.

If you'd like to see it (and you would like to see it because two hot guys make out in it, and also because The Large Hadron Collider didn't kill us), buy yo tix now! There are only, like, three left for the first show, and the rest are either sold out or quickly selling out. And there's no intermission, so you can't sneak in for act two and then tell us how much you loved it. Sah-ree.

Jason & Ben schedule and tickets:

Wednesday, Sep 24 at 8 p.m. SOLD OUT

Friday, Sep 26 at 8 p.m. SOUL-PATROLLED OUT

Saturday, Sep 27 at 8 p.m. SISTAH-SOULJAHED OUT

Sunday, Sep 28 at 4:30 p.m.

Saturday, Oct 4 at 1 p.m.

Sunday, Oct 5 at 4:30 p.m.

Jason & Ben

Hello.

This blog seemed to be dead. But it's not. Today.

Thing is, we've been writing a musical, so cut us some slack. Said musical, Jason & Ben, will have its first performance as part of the 2008 New York Musical Theatre Festival on September 24, 2008. It stars two cute boys doing gay things. You should come.

To buy tickets, hear songs, look at the cute boys, admire the well-designed website (third party, of course), click here.

There are six performances only at the 45th Street Theatre in Manhattan, and tickets are going like hotcakes. (Gays love theater.) Meaning, buy your tickets now, or get left out on a park bench in the cold. Like in the pic below. Which ties into the whole musical. Which we wrote.

Come see.

Heeb-ie jeebies!

If anyone still comes around here, we just want to let you know that we will be doing a reprise of 2006's hit reading/slideshow at Joe's Pub this Sunday, February 10, at 7 p.m. as part of Heeb magazine's Storytelling series. Tickets are a mere $15, and the show will not only be hosted by the adorable Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords, but will also feature a story by the unsexiest man alive, Gilbert Gottfried.

To sum up: For $15, you get the chick from Flight of the Conchords, the voice of Iago and us showing embarrassing slides. AND six other Jewy storytellers. If that's not the bargain of the year, well, you don't know bargains from nothing.

Hope to see Jew there.

Swit, swine and Sondheim.

Sometimes two of our favorite things team up to produce mind-blowing results: chocolate + peanut butter, Google + maps, Steve + Eydie.

Sometimes three do.

Mitts off my Romneys!

We've been having a hard time deciding whether to support Obama or Clinton in the primaries that we're not allowed to vote in because we're registered as independent. Thankfully, a certain MySpace profile has helped us make a decision: On Super Tuesday we will unquestionably not be voting for... Mitt Romney. Why?

Well...

Hello, boys!



VERY nice work, Mitt! (Well, except for Ben, the red-shirt one. But when you're playing with Mormon DNA, something like that is bound to happen.) We'll take one Josh and Matt sandwich with a schmear of Tagg (hold the Ben) and a side order of Craig. Sorry, Barack and Hill, but while your ideals are much closer to ours than Romney's, his ideal boys are closer to our lustful heart. And since, no matter who wins in November, we're beyond fucked thanks to eight long years of whatever just happened, we'd like to watch the giant mercury-filled tidal wave wash over what used to be Planned Parenthood whilst in the sultry throes of passion.

Nervous Breakdown is proud to endorse Mitt Romney for president.

Lil Cake.

Best thing ever of '08, thus far. (A related pic would ruin it, so, instead, enjoy this photo of a collectible Brussels Griffon plate.)

Do you know what the acorns are?

B'WAIT!

We find it necessary to tell/remind you that Food Network will be airing the episode of Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee featuring the exceedingly infamous Kwanzaa cake, this Friday, December 21 at 12.30 p.m. That's THIS Friday. Meaning, stop what you're doing, go home, turn your DVR on and set it for Friday, December 21 at 12.30 p.m. And then don't go back to work. Go to City Bakery, get a special hot chocolate (with marshmallow, bien sûr!) and take all the to-go menus you've been collecting from your doorway over the year and kindly return them from whence they came while screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!", at the top of your gin-soaked liver.

For reals. Happy fucking holidays.

O' little James of Bamber-hem.

Yes, it's been almost two months. We have no excuse but death, disease, work and Alaska to offer (though not necessarily in that order). For reals. If 2007 was the worst year in the history of the 2000s (which, by the by, it was), the finale proved to be...well...grand.

In any case, thusly, such as, speaking of offers, we don't got much to offer today, except the bestest Xmas gift a boy could receive, which this boy did receive today:



Yes, it's our estranged pilot/boyfriend, and he sent us greetings across the galaxy! With three "x"s. Meaning he LOVES LOVES LOVES us. We knew it! It only took the best Christmas ever to make it true.

We hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and that you have successfully avoided both the egg nog and the family. We were this close to pulling it off. THIS close.

See you in '08!

xxx

Lost Horizons.

Just feeling a bit nostalgiac for the future today...

One knight's stand.

Here's the definitive way to prove once-and-for-all you're not gay...

Star in a Broadway musical!

You should have a very bad feeling about this.

You know, if there were two things we were certain of, they were a.) Debra Messing is not funny, and b.) nothing could be worse than the trilogy of Star Wars prequels.

We are now only certain of one thing.

Gest appeareance.

Two posts in one day? Well, we just want to make sure everyone (or, the two people who accidentally came here) sees David Gest's latest...look (courtesy of Go Fug Yourself) It is that important.



If you have any insight into what this may be, please advise.

You have to believe this is magic.

This is a million times entertaininger than the travesty currently on Broadway. And a million times gayer.

Bonanza!

Oh, Wednesday night, how we welcome you back with hungry, hungry arms.

1.) "America's Next Top Model" last night featured maybe the most uggers girls evah (complete with hunchback!), which is why it's going to be the best season evah. Except for the fact that Spontaniouse was spontaneously let go. Tyra, you had a contestant named Spontaniouse on your show—what were you thinking, girl??? Oh, and eliminating Marvita? Really? REALLY?

Anyhoots, we have a little more faith in the country now that clearly all the attractive girls have figured out what a career-non-maker ANTM is. Unless you're Jaslene. In which case you will eventually be employed by the National Association of the Deaf as its spokeswoman.

If this is the Future of Modeling®, we'll be present!



2.) "Kid Nation." Let's repeat. "Kid Nation." We've been excited for this show for weeks, but we had no idea how truly terrifying it would be! Like, at any moment, we were expecting that one 15-year-old Greg (clearly the one who showed up with the STDs) to just walk over and snap the neck of jittery council leader Mike.

Oh, and as hard as ANTM may have tried, "Kid Nation" featured the quote of the evening, uttered by the 10-year-old council leader Taylor:

"I don't do dishes. I'm a beauty queen."

Touché, Taylor. Tou-ché.

And it would be remiss if we didn't mention our favorite kid in the nation, Jared. According to his bio, Jared is both a fan of President Bush and the environment. Imagine that kind of internal struggle personified (and in a hat), and you'll have a good idea of what he's like.



3.) We just posted pics of Tyra in a silver shower cap and an 11-year-old boy in a mock turtleneck and straw hat in the same post. WE LOVE YOU, WEDNESDAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Say hi to Chuck.

Stubborn Sam is SO stubborn, even though the Grim Reaper told him in person, he refuses to believe dear old Brett Somers is ___________.

Rah! Rah! Sis boob bah!

Imagine our surprise when we turned on our DVR last night to find waiting for us the first episode of the second season of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team! Imagine your non-surprise when we insist this is the best reality show you have yet to watch. So, stop downloading porn, and go set your DVR to record the season. Now. NOW.

(Please note that, on the show's homepage, the judges are actually listed as "characters," which should give you some idea of what to expect.)



ADDENDUM: Our friend Joe asks why the show is so good. If we had any spare time right now, we'd write a five-paragraph essay. Instead we'll opt for three reasons: plastic surgery which prevents the director and choreographer from fully opening their mouths, the gauze lens which is always employed when shooting said choreographer and the prospect of another contestant having to do a book report (which actually happened last season). Oh, and the unforgiving uniforms. Four reasons. Oh, and improvised "dancing." Five. Southern hospitality passive aggressiveness. Six. Shimmery faces. Sev... Sorry. We have to go.

Marlboro 100.

Not to interrupt the summer of Blair or anything, but we feel it's imperative to pass this article and, more, this photo on to you. Obviously.



As you were.

It's a fact.

Someone is back. Here's a hint:



Here's a link.

Enhance your fancy dance pants!

Break out those footy franks and the Tia Maria, Leonardo aficionados! The funniest thing to come out of Australia since anything with "crocodile" in its name is back. That's right—all 0 Australian readers of this site have only one week from Sunday until the new series of Kath & Kim premieres at 7:30 p.m. on Channel 7 there. We did a little sleuthing and found Channel 7's official Kath & Kim website featuring a hi-larious sneak peek of the upcoming season. The ladies are foxier than ever, and we hope BBC America or the Sundance Channel brings the new eppies over the ocean pacifically to our living room(/bedroom/kitchen/hamper) asap. (Or maybe someone who's reading this can tell one of their Australian friends to make torrents of the new episodes so someone—not us—can download them.)

In the meantime, why not relive the magic by ordering the season 1 and 2 box set from HMV UK—they're offering it for only £7.99 with £4 overseas shipping (that's about $24 for four discs, including shipping!) What? You say you can't play region 2 DVDs. Pshaw! Unfortunately, for season 3 and Da Kath & Kim Code, you'll have to pay retail. But it's worth it, and you'll be our second-best friend if you do.