Ladies, ladies, ladies.

It's Friday. Which means if you're in Manhattan, your island turns into Universal CityWalk for 48 hours! Which is why we're pleased to bring you two activities you don't have to leave your tiny apartment for.

First, on BBC America tonight at 9pm, it's the premiere of Clatterford. It's really too much to try to talk about, so just go to the link. Seriously.

Second, thanks to our friend Frank, you can enjoy the recycled hits of late-80s Tampa public access queen Sondra Prill. No, apparently it's not a joke.

Between the many offerings of Ms. Prill and the many times you're sure to watch Clatterford, you should be occupied well into, oh, early Saturday morning. You're welcome!

Attitude adjustment.

We would just like you to know that tomorrow's View (3/9/07) is a must-see in our books for two reasons:

1.) It's completely about depression
2.) Guest host: Linda Dano

And, if the gods are smiling on us, the episode will culminate in Linda D. hawking her QVC crap as a prime method of retail therapy.

It looks good, guys. No. It looks great.

Until you cry.

Yes, yes. We're quite aware that no one really comes around here anymore. And, yes, it is sad. Well, sad for those of you who still do. Not because we think you're sad! No. Because this site's sad. Well, sadder than it was when it was just regular sad. With so much sadness in the world, here's something to give you some chuckles—one of our most favorite TV clips in the history of ever.

Debbie does delts.

Oy. Such a week. It feels like we've been through a workout. A workout? Well, that reminds us! Watch this!



Yes, that's Debbie Reynolds leading a bunch of old broads in floor exercises. And, by old broads, we mean Teri Garr, Florence Henderson, Rose Marie and, yes, ol' Dionne Warwick herself. It's a clip from Do It Debbie's Way, a workout video Miss Reynolds put out in 1990, most probably in between downing three Bloody Marys and fielding drug-induced prank calls from Carrie Fisher. There are a few other clips available, but this one's the best, especially with poor Rose Marie barely breathing in the back.

No questions answered—ever!

Truth be embarrassingly told, we are still watching Lost. And, after last week's excellent Desmond/time-continuum episode, we thought we were back on track. Especially exciting was the promise that three long-standing mysteries would be answered on last night's episode. Well, imagine our kind-of-non-surprise when the Bai Ling-addled heap of boring made its way across our high-definition LCD TV. We counted exactly 0 questions answered. What about Jack's Chinese tattoo? you might ask. Usually we wouldn't answer a question with a question, but, as we're talking about Lost, we'll just say, Who gives a shit about Jack's Chinese tattoo? And even when we were told its translation, Jack had to get all "That's not what it means" on us. Come awn.

Alas, 0 Lost mysteries were explained last night. Instead, old characters returned and new characters were added, fueling our suspicion that the endgame of Lost is to provide every actor on the planet with a role. Which, come to think of it, did manage to answer one long-standing mystery: What ever happened to creepy "adult Christina Crawford"?



She's now creepy "Isabel, the island sheriff."

Is this a normal day at Norma's house?

After last night's American Idol debacle (seriously—we turned it off after Sunspots), we had to check out one of our favorite Idol-related blogs, Vote for the Worst. Vote for the Worst is entertaining enough, but it then linked us to this woman's videos on YouTube. We have since assembled an ad-hoc committee to attempt to figure out if the videos are legitimate or not, and we're not having an easy time of it. However, we figure any old broad who's willing to make her Shirley Temple doll dance while she sings about being a douche bag is totes worth our time.

Totes.

No tell.

If you're a longtime reader of this longtime site, you're a.) crazy and b.) familiar with our proclivity for "Worst of" lists. However, if you are "a" and "b," you still may not be aware of our c.) obsession with Trip Advisor. That's why we're pleased to bring you Trip Advisor's recent list of the 10 dirtiest US hotels. If you're a longtime resident of Earth, it should come as no surprise to you that four out of the 10 offenders are located in that cesspool of human existence, Florida. (We're allowed to say that—we're a.) from Florida and b.) cognizant.)

Anyway anyway anyway, we highly encourage you to a.) check out all the reviews of the dirty hotels on Trip Advisor and b.) pay special attention to those of the Hotel Carter in New York City. Said reviews should keep you entertained for a.) very, very, very, very long time. Enjoy!

Just say yes.

We just wanted to share this video with you. It's what happens when 200 people snort 200 pounds of cocaine, in case you're thinking of doing the same this weekend. Enjoy!

Aboot time.

The N has been so spotty with Degrassi's schedule in the past year that we kind of forget to check when new episodes air. The N also runs old episodes of Degrassi approximately 384 times a night, which makes it very difficult for us to spend our very valuable time trying to figure out if an episode is new or not. The point is, there have been new Degrassi: The Next Generation episodes in 2007. The first two featured the return of our fave Degrassi guy, Craig Manning, and a little problem he's dealing with. More importantly, the third episode of 2007 featured the shocking death of a character who's been on the show since the beginning. We must admit, we got a bit choked up at the end of said episode as the unhappy news was revealed to the rest of the characters.

The episode is available for viewing at The N's Web site, but please be warned, you may find out who dies before it actually happens, as The N has plastered spoilers all over the site. If you want to record it from The N itself, the episode is called "Rock This Town." Enjoy! Well, enjoy.

A real Pearl, Mary!

Best Week Ever beat us to it, but we just want to wish everyone a very happy...

2/2/07!

Gone South.

We would just like to take a moment to mourn the passing of one of our oldest groups of hooligan pals. According to their Web site:

The Beautiful South have split up due to musical similarities. The band would like to thank everyone for their 19 wonderful years in music.

Sniff sniff. Should you not be familiar with these wry, cynical pop songsters who fill up Wembley Arena in their native UK but have never filled up much more than their gas tank over here, please immediately download buy Welcome to the Beautiful South and Choke.

For your viewing enjoyment, here's the video of one of our favorite Beautiful South songs, "A Little Time":



We're sad, but we'll carry on, regardless.

Right on!

We're back with two VERY important bits of information. No, they have nothing to do with Moesha killing a woman or Tyra asking us if we call this fat. It's that on March 20 and 27, 2007, respectively, the first season of Maude and volume 1 of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman will FINALLY be released on DVD.

We shall repeat ourselves.

On March 20 and 27, 2007, respectively, the first season of Maude and volume 1 of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman will FINALLY be released on DVD.

You now have this information. We trust you will act accordingly.

One more woman.

Shame on us for overlooking the most important bit of news today...

HAPPY 61st BIRTHDAY, DOLLY!

4 women.

Hi!

Two things.

If you're as big a fan as we are of Welcome to My Home (and, if you're not, you should be), please enjoy Miss Brenda Dickson's Web site. She's back in Hollywood, folks, and she's meeting such luminaries as Ace Young and Oscar de la Hoya.



She also met Marc Cherry, creator of Desperate Housewives, and had this to say about him...

The remarkable Marc Chery honored, Creator and Producer of Desperate Housewives. Please write Marc at ABC for a possible part. We talked about me.

Er...as soon as we decode that, we'll be sure to get right on it.

Please enjoy the rest of the site, most especially the photo gallery, where you can see Brenda standing undreneath a Christmas tree almost as big as her new boobs.



And, yes, believe it or not, that is Brenda Dickson, the same woman from Welcome to My Home. She's just happened to reach that generic post-2,346-plastic-surgeries phase.

Poor thing.

Eh.

More importantly...

Today and today only, as part of its Robert Altman retrospective, the IFC Center here in NYC's Manhattan is showing one of our favorite movies ever, 3 Women. We've written several times about this film here on the NB, and we urge you to check it out if you've never seen it. 3 Women stars Shelley Duvall and Sissy Spacek and can only be described as a film whose closest relatives are Bergman's Persona and Lynch's Mulholland Dr.



Alas, Robert Altman, Sissy Spacek, Shelley Duvall, Persona, Mulholland Dr. What are you waiting for??? Buy tickets here.

Here's the thing.

Kiddies, we know it's been slow around here. We were out of town for a few days and we returned to some bad news, indeed. So, right now, it's (un)fortunately kind of hard for us to focus on the NB. We'll be updating The Blair Necessities as much as we can, and we'll try to pop in here and there, so don't give up on us completely. We just need some time to get some actual work did.

To keep abreast of all things inconsequential, visit our friend Rich. Or Frank. Or April. Or play a round of Deal or No Deal. Did you know all the Deal or No Deal girls have bios? Or that the Banker has a blog? Well, they do and he does. It's true.

Most of all, please search for "Lisa Whelchel" on Google and click on The Blair Necessities as many times as you can stomach. We're not asking to actually read the site. We'd never do that. We just want it to be as close to the top of the first page as possible. Right now it's sixth. Not bad, but we can do better. All of us. Together.

Well, maintained.

We haven't been able to post all day thanks to scheduled maintenance. Not that we would have. But you can't blame us if you happened to stop by. Well, you could blame our lack of HTML knowledge that forces us to use a "service" like Blogger, but, really, where does it end, people?

Anyway, watch this.

Keeps on giving.

We posted a new Coffee Talk Companion to the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and start 2007 with dignity.

Run for your life.

OK. Sorry! We're back once more. And, yes, it's another video. But you won't be sorry for taking the time to watch it. Well, you will, but you won't. You know? This clip just arrived in our inbox, and, before we actually hit the long and winding road, we just had to share it with you. It's a 15-minute segment from the Rolling Stone 10th Anniversary TV Special that aired in 1977. The segment is entitled "A Day in the Decade," and it's, well, get ready to jump out the bathroom window.

House call.

We're just popping back in to bring you something very important. We found it at Datalounge, and it is, quite possibly, the best video ever uploaded to YouTube. Honestly.

Now, you may be thinking, all this video is beginning to make the NB feel like Stereogum! And to that we'd say, Shut up and click "PLAY." The video is called "Welcome to My Home," and it was made in 1987 by a soap actress named Brenda Dickson. Don't worry—you need not know who she is to enjoy this thoroughly informative, instructional and, yes, glamorous video.

Without further ado, then...

"Welcome to My Home"

The future is here.

We hope you had a marvelous new year. We're basically on the road this week, so, in the meantime, please enjoy the pilot of everyone's favorite '80s robot sitcom, Small Wonder. It's divided into two parts, so you don't have to watch the whole thing before you kill yourself. Kidding! How could you want to die after hearing a small girl talk in monotone for a half-hour? Or Harriet? How 'bout that nosy Harriet? Or the gay son. His real name's Jerry, you know.

And should the pilot somehow not be enough, there's plenty more on good old YouTubes. Of course there is.

Have a small but wonderful week!