CNN raised the video bar.

CNN.com has three outstanding video selections for you right now, ranging from "Causing Complete Sensory Failure" to "Causing Complete Hilarity." Oh, the one in the middle is kind of a combo of both. You're gonna need Windows Media Player and a desire to want to be unconscious to watch most of them.

Crap from a rose.

How do you make sure we won't see the next James Bond film? Here's one way!

Merry Sithmas!

OK, kids, Christmas has arrived early! Jessica Alba and Hayden Christensen are here to pretend they're not completely uncomfortable around you! Get up! Come on! Santa doesn't like a slowpoke!

You better think.

If Aretha Franklin's stylist approaches you, slowly move backward without making any sudden movements and waiting at least five seconds before doing an about-face and running for your life. If Aretha Franklin approaches you, godspeed.

Whither Posh?

Fuck. There goes our shot at being "Beckham of sumo." Thanks, dude.

It's Christmastime in the city.

Dear friends,

Happy holidays!

Peace and love,
New York

To the dogs.

To those of you who braved the cold last night, thank you. To those of you who didn't, here's a sample of what you missed:



Your loss, obviously.

Watch us WYSIWYG.

We're taking a personal day today. Our hands are frozen to our face. We're typing this with our elbows. Impressive, huh?

Oh, here are the Golden Globe nominations. Big day for gays, including George Clooney. Not so much for gorillas and the women who love them.

Hanyway...

Tonight is the big Jewy WYSIWYG Talent Show at which we'll be completely humiliating ourselves. So, if you haven't bought your $7 ticket already, go ahead and do so. The show's at P.S. 122 at 9th Street and First Avenue in New York's outrageously hip the East Village. It starts at 7.30pm and will be done by 9pm, at which point we'll either join you for drinks or jump off something very tall. L'chaim.

Over and over.

Apparently repeatedly quitting school is the new bulemia.

Sheep-Cop-Clod started it.

Some crazy holiday shit's goin' on in Iceland. Well, according to the Sausage Snatcher, that is.

Fuckin' Iceland.

Singly.

Here's Stylus magazine's picks for the Top 50 Singles of the Year. Number 50 is the Mountain Goat's utterly phenomenal "This Year," which includes the Top 1 line of the year: "I am going to make it through this year even if it kills me." Number one on the list? Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone." Shit. If that's anything like the Mountain Goats' worst stuff, we gots to give it a listen. Also on the list? Antony and the Johnsons and R. Kelly. Together. At last.

Moneyback.

For your consideration, some hi-larious "For Your Consideration" Oscar-time ads for Brokeback Mountain:






And our favorite:



We'd like to add our own:



And don't even ask us why it cost us $85 to see. Don't even ask.

Project Friendster, season finale.

Honestly, we had no idea this would happen. None of the other contestants has a Friendster profile. Or, he/she did 10 minutes ago and removed it because he/she heard someone was getting all Woodward and Bernstein. Um. So. How about that snow? You know who captures snowy days really well? Thomas Kinkade, that's who.

Project Friendster, episode 2.

Here's Chloe's Friendster profile. She's single, and she's interested in dating men, men! She likes tennis and reading. That's about it. Now, is it us, or are none of these peoples' occupations "fashion designer" yet, even though that's what they all list as "occupation." Our favorite pic? Easy...



Asians always have the most beautiful smiles.

Daniel F. seems to be profile-less, though we did find this guy. He likes the Doors, so if you see him at the apparently new University of Florida–Ft. Lauderdale campus, kill him.

Our favorite contestant, the pioneer of what we like to call mathshion, Diana, is single. She truthfully lets us know she's a student in fashion design. Thank you, Diana. She would like to meet "someone with a decent job who will marry me in three months and save me from financial independance," which is a clever callback to her "About Me" entry: "panicking about being financially independant in 3 months." We hope Diana finds who she's looking for and that he/she tells her how to spell "independent." After all, Di, you can't add the binomials of the letters of a word and make it into a hoodie if the word is spelled incorrectly. Fave pic? Obvs:

Project Friendster, episode 1.

It's time to (sing along with us)...

FRIENDSTER THE "PROJECT RUNWAY" CONTESTANTS,
OH YEAH!
FRIENDSTER THE "PROJECT RUNWAY" CONTESTANTS,
HOT DAMN!
FRIENDSTER THE "PROJECT RUNWAY" CONTESTANTS,
ONE MORE TIME...
FRIENDSTER THEIR HIGH-DRAMA
ASSSSSSESSSSSSSSSSSS!

Here's Andrae. He's in a relationship, guys. He likes German speakers and skiing. However, there's nothing in his profile that says anything about suddenly breaking out into fits of insane cry-laughing, so no one really could have prepared themselves for that minute of amazingness. Our favorite pic has Andrae, with hair, doing his best Jocelyne Wildenstein...



Now, let's take a look at adorable Daniel V. He's single, gents, and he wants to meet "Anyone who can make me laugh or makes me want to be a better person... male or female, young or old, rich or poor it doesn't really matter... As long as they're male, young and rich." Ooooh—he funny! But his favorite movie is Lord of the Rings, so he likes elves, and he also enjoys American Beauty, so he's a fan of pseudo-intellectual exercises in suffering. He should be on "Project Runway"! Anyway, he's only 24, so cut him some slack. He may be able to make it into a chic gown! Our favorite pic?



More in a moment...

New project.

Oh, this snow thing's getting old already. Let's do something more fun, shall we? All right. Stay tuned...

White mistress.

Out of the bosom of the Air, Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken, Over the woodlands brown and bare, Over the harvest-fields forsaken, Silent, and soft, and slow Descends the snow.

–Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's coming down.

Ladies and gents, consider today a Thomas Kinkade-sponsored SNOW DAY!

Made for TV.

We've just gotten exclusive word that Benjamin Bratt will star as Rigoberto Alpizar and Edie McClurg will star as his frantic wife in TBS's TV movie "Flight 924: Stopover of Terror" based on yesterday's horrific events at Miami International Airport. Release is scheduled for September 11, 2006, as part of 9/11 fifth-anniversary sweeps.

Once upon a-lookin' for Donna time.

Kids, this is just the right gay for you. Parents, however, it's TOO GAY. TOO GAY FOR YOU, PARENTS!

Incidentally, if you do read the article, which you should because it's hi-larious, you might want to call Donna Mansolillo and make her aware that there's more than .1% gay in the two towns she represents and that, before she tells people what's good for them, she should base her proclamations on fact, not idiocy. Her number is 401.397.5435. That's 401.397.5435. You may also want to let her know that she's taking a musical way too seriously. Oklahoma! never made us want to be farmhands, for Christ's sake! It just made us want to sleep with them.