Two posts in one day!?!? What is this, December? Well, we found this over on the DL, and, well, er, um, uh, hmm, erm...
3.21.2007
"The View" from here.
Ugh. So American Idol was passable last night. Except that how did a song from a James Bond flick and "As Long As He Needs Me" from Oliver! become part of the British Invasion oeuvre? That's like us singing "Dancing on the Ceiling" on Sheila E. night. Which we plan to do. Oh—we have Sheila E. night the fourth Thursday of every month. But everyone has to bring his own drum kit.
The point is, The View has unveiled its new spring '07 mug!
This Warhol-meets-UNO monsterpiece can be yours for a generously overpriced $15.95. If you order this week, you can pick up the mug and the new View tote for only a mildly overpriced $20.90. But don't fret! Once you check out, ground shipping is $7.95 which brings the total to a generously overpriced $28.85. PHEW! We just ordered ours—look for us carrying around our View mug collection in our new View tote at a park near you this summer.
ADDENDUM:
Sorry sorry sorry! We disparaged Idol as if nothing memorable happened. Obviously we forgot about Crying Ashley. We're searching for a pic, but we have yet to find one. If you didn't tune in, imagine a blubbering starstruck eight-year-old girl's teary face on your high-definition screen every two seconds. That's Crying Ashley. And it was doubly uncomfortable and awkward (read: totally entertaining) because it happened mostly during Sanjaya's Kinks number. O, gods of television, we owe you.
ADDENDUM ADDENDUM:
Ladies and gentlemens, Crying Ashley...
The point is, The View has unveiled its new spring '07 mug!
This Warhol-meets-UNO monsterpiece can be yours for a generously overpriced $15.95. If you order this week, you can pick up the mug and the new View tote for only a mildly overpriced $20.90. But don't fret! Once you check out, ground shipping is $7.95 which brings the total to a generously overpriced $28.85. PHEW! We just ordered ours—look for us carrying around our View mug collection in our new View tote at a park near you this summer.
ADDENDUM:
Sorry sorry sorry! We disparaged Idol as if nothing memorable happened. Obviously we forgot about Crying Ashley. We're searching for a pic, but we have yet to find one. If you didn't tune in, imagine a blubbering starstruck eight-year-old girl's teary face on your high-definition screen every two seconds. That's Crying Ashley. And it was doubly uncomfortable and awkward (read: totally entertaining) because it happened mostly during Sanjaya's Kinks number. O, gods of television, we owe you.
ADDENDUM ADDENDUM:
Ladies and gentlemens, Crying Ashley...
3.20.2007
Fat ice.
We're totally repulsed by erotic fan fiction (no, we don't want to read about Frodo seducing Gandalf the Gray OR White), but when erotic fan fiction features Tonya Harding and is hosted by Tonya's official Web site, well, then, we're...um...totally repulsed.
(via I have a hate on)
(via I have a hate on)
3.16.2007
Cover it up!
Here's something for the weekend:
There's going to be a musical of Mask. No, not The Mask. Mask. As in Cher, Sam Elliott and Eric Stoltz. By Brill Building songwriting team and composers of "You Lost That Loving Feeling," Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. All directed by crapmaster supreme Richard Maltby Jr.
That is all.
There's going to be a musical of Mask. No, not The Mask. Mask. As in Cher, Sam Elliott and Eric Stoltz. By Brill Building songwriting team and composers of "You Lost That Loving Feeling," Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. All directed by crapmaster supreme Richard Maltby Jr.
That is all.
3.15.2007
America, America, this is you.
This is the first and will probably be the last time we post about it this season, but we really have to take a moment to give special recognition to this year's American Idol. Not since Pink Lady and Jeff has there been such a varietal CRAPFEST being beamed into the homes of millions of viewers. The sheer power of this season's dearth of anything resembling talent has caused us to wholly reconsider our viewing tendencies. Meaning, we so weren't interested in watching this time around, and now we so are. Sorry. We SUH are.
Obviously reason number one is this...
Boy, can this girl not sing! Or dance! Or just stand there! It's ALWAYS awkward. Which is why we voted for her about 10 times Tuesday night (and we don't call anyone anymore). We plan to see Miss Malakar through till the end. Or at least until she has to do a Gwen Stefani number. Wind it up, indeed!
Reason number two? This...
Oh, sorry. There would have been a photo of the entire group of finalists here, but FOX's American Idol Web site is perhaps the least user-friendly site not made by a 52-year-old man sitting in his underwear on a Tuesday at 3:27 p.m. while Judge Judy plays loudly in the background. So, we're not scouring that site for a pic (nor are we linking you to it—you're welcome!). We'll just say that the other remaining 10 are not much more talented than Sanjaya. And, yes, that includes Kiki and Doolittle. Sure, those two are better than the rest, but you could throw a Cheetoh off our roof and hit five more talented people than either of those two girls. And, yes, that does include the homeless man who sits in front of the Minetta Garage and with his legs hidden so we think he's just one of those torsos.
Reason three...
Oh, girl. If you're going to take a five-minute entrance during which your name is emblazoned on a giant LCD screen while your past hits are played and sung by a band and other singers, you BEST practice walking in those giant red platform heels you insisted on wearing. Oh, and also? Being able to sing would be good, too. Seriously, Miss Ross, we love you, but wethinks it's over. You kind of made Sanjaya look like a musical genius. Listen—it's totally FINE if you just make a quick entrance, say a few thank-yous and take a seat. We're TOTALLY with you. Truth is, Di, you've never been a great singer, so, you know, it's OK to rest on your laurels and just allow a new generation of mediocre talent to take the torch. And by "torch," we mean "distracting red boa."
The point is, we're not actually complaining. We completely approve of all this garbage that FOX is foisting upon us this spring. But we just had to point out that as long as it continues (and with 11 talentless individuals, how could it not?), we'll continue watching. Either you're very clever, FOX, or you're stupider than we ever imagined. Whatever it is, damn you. And congratulations.
Obviously reason number one is this...
Boy, can this girl not sing! Or dance! Or just stand there! It's ALWAYS awkward. Which is why we voted for her about 10 times Tuesday night (and we don't call anyone anymore). We plan to see Miss Malakar through till the end. Or at least until she has to do a Gwen Stefani number. Wind it up, indeed!
Reason number two? This...
Oh, sorry. There would have been a photo of the entire group of finalists here, but FOX's American Idol Web site is perhaps the least user-friendly site not made by a 52-year-old man sitting in his underwear on a Tuesday at 3:27 p.m. while Judge Judy plays loudly in the background. So, we're not scouring that site for a pic (nor are we linking you to it—you're welcome!). We'll just say that the other remaining 10 are not much more talented than Sanjaya. And, yes, that includes Kiki and Doolittle. Sure, those two are better than the rest, but you could throw a Cheetoh off our roof and hit five more talented people than either of those two girls. And, yes, that does include the homeless man who sits in front of the Minetta Garage and with his legs hidden so we think he's just one of those torsos.
Reason three...
Oh, girl. If you're going to take a five-minute entrance during which your name is emblazoned on a giant LCD screen while your past hits are played and sung by a band and other singers, you BEST practice walking in those giant red platform heels you insisted on wearing. Oh, and also? Being able to sing would be good, too. Seriously, Miss Ross, we love you, but wethinks it's over. You kind of made Sanjaya look like a musical genius. Listen—it's totally FINE if you just make a quick entrance, say a few thank-yous and take a seat. We're TOTALLY with you. Truth is, Di, you've never been a great singer, so, you know, it's OK to rest on your laurels and just allow a new generation of mediocre talent to take the torch. And by "torch," we mean "distracting red boa."
The point is, we're not actually complaining. We completely approve of all this garbage that FOX is foisting upon us this spring. But we just had to point out that as long as it continues (and with 11 talentless individuals, how could it not?), we'll continue watching. Either you're very clever, FOX, or you're stupider than we ever imagined. Whatever it is, damn you. And congratulations.
3.12.2007
Our Birdland debut.
Just so you know — and your children will someday know — tonight we will be performing at NYC's legendary Birdland as part of a show called Speakeasy. According to this article on Playbill.com, the show will feature the songs of John Lennon, Joni Mitchell, Rufus Wainwright and Stephin Merritt. That is 0% correct. Tonight's show will feature songs in the style of those people. Well, kind of. Well, not really.
ANYWAY, we're playing two of our original hits with the magnificent Michael Conley and a full band. So, you should totally come out if you have $35 and a desire to see Malan from Project Runway sing Charlie Chaplin's "Smile." No, as much as we'd like to be kidding, we're not.
Here's the info:
Birdland is located in Manhattan at 315 West 44th Street. There is a $25 cover charge and a $10 food/drink minimum. Call (212) 581-3080 for reservations.
Awesome.
ANYWAY, we're playing two of our original hits with the magnificent Michael Conley and a full band. So, you should totally come out if you have $35 and a desire to see Malan from Project Runway sing Charlie Chaplin's "Smile." No, as much as we'd like to be kidding, we're not.
Here's the info:
Birdland is located in Manhattan at 315 West 44th Street. There is a $25 cover charge and a $10 food/drink minimum. Call (212) 581-3080 for reservations.
Awesome.
3.09.2007
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
It's Friday. Which means if you're in Manhattan, your island turns into Universal CityWalk for 48 hours! Which is why we're pleased to bring you two activities you don't have to leave your tiny apartment for.
First, on BBC America tonight at 9pm, it's the premiere of Clatterford. It's really too much to try to talk about, so just go to the link. Seriously.
Second, thanks to our friend Frank, you can enjoy the recycled hits of late-80s Tampa public access queen Sondra Prill. No, apparently it's not a joke.
Between the many offerings of Ms. Prill and the many times you're sure to watch Clatterford, you should be occupied well into, oh, early Saturday morning. You're welcome!
First, on BBC America tonight at 9pm, it's the premiere of Clatterford. It's really too much to try to talk about, so just go to the link. Seriously.
Second, thanks to our friend Frank, you can enjoy the recycled hits of late-80s Tampa public access queen Sondra Prill. No, apparently it's not a joke.
Between the many offerings of Ms. Prill and the many times you're sure to watch Clatterford, you should be occupied well into, oh, early Saturday morning. You're welcome!
3.08.2007
Attitude adjustment.
We would just like you to know that tomorrow's View (3/9/07) is a must-see in our books for two reasons:
1.) It's completely about depression
2.) Guest host: Linda Dano
And, if the gods are smiling on us, the episode will culminate in Linda D. hawking her QVC crap as a prime method of retail therapy.
It looks good, guys. No. It looks great.
1.) It's completely about depression
2.) Guest host: Linda Dano
And, if the gods are smiling on us, the episode will culminate in Linda D. hawking her QVC crap as a prime method of retail therapy.
It looks good, guys. No. It looks great.
3.06.2007
Until you cry.
Yes, yes. We're quite aware that no one really comes around here anymore. And, yes, it is sad. Well, sad for those of you who still do. Not because we think you're sad! No. Because this site's sad. Well, sadder than it was when it was just regular sad. With so much sadness in the world, here's something to give you some chuckles—one of our most favorite TV clips in the history of ever.
2.27.2007
Debbie does delts.
Oy. Such a week. It feels like we've been through a workout. A workout? Well, that reminds us! Watch this!
Yes, that's Debbie Reynolds leading a bunch of old broads in floor exercises. And, by old broads, we mean Teri Garr, Florence Henderson, Rose Marie and, yes, ol' Dionne Warwick herself. It's a clip from Do It Debbie's Way, a workout video Miss Reynolds put out in 1990, most probably in between downing three Bloody Marys and fielding drug-induced prank calls from Carrie Fisher. There are a few other clips available, but this one's the best, especially with poor Rose Marie barely breathing in the back.
Yes, that's Debbie Reynolds leading a bunch of old broads in floor exercises. And, by old broads, we mean Teri Garr, Florence Henderson, Rose Marie and, yes, ol' Dionne Warwick herself. It's a clip from Do It Debbie's Way, a workout video Miss Reynolds put out in 1990, most probably in between downing three Bloody Marys and fielding drug-induced prank calls from Carrie Fisher. There are a few other clips available, but this one's the best, especially with poor Rose Marie barely breathing in the back.
2.22.2007
No questions answered—ever!
Truth be embarrassingly told, we are still watching Lost. And, after last week's excellent Desmond/time-continuum episode, we thought we were back on track. Especially exciting was the promise that three long-standing mysteries would be answered on last night's episode. Well, imagine our kind-of-non-surprise when the Bai Ling-addled heap of boring made its way across our high-definition LCD TV. We counted exactly 0 questions answered. What about Jack's Chinese tattoo? you might ask. Usually we wouldn't answer a question with a question, but, as we're talking about Lost, we'll just say, Who gives a shit about Jack's Chinese tattoo? And even when we were told its translation, Jack had to get all "That's not what it means" on us. Come awn.
Alas, 0 Lost mysteries were explained last night. Instead, old characters returned and new characters were added, fueling our suspicion that the endgame of Lost is to provide every actor on the planet with a role. Which, come to think of it, did manage to answer one long-standing mystery: What ever happened to creepy "adult Christina Crawford"?
She's now creepy "Isabel, the island sheriff."
Alas, 0 Lost mysteries were explained last night. Instead, old characters returned and new characters were added, fueling our suspicion that the endgame of Lost is to provide every actor on the planet with a role. Which, come to think of it, did manage to answer one long-standing mystery: What ever happened to creepy "adult Christina Crawford"?
She's now creepy "Isabel, the island sheriff."
2.21.2007
Is this a normal day at Norma's house?
After last night's American Idol debacle (seriously—we turned it off after Sunspots), we had to check out one of our favorite Idol-related blogs, Vote for the Worst. Vote for the Worst is entertaining enough, but it then linked us to this woman's videos on YouTube. We have since assembled an ad-hoc committee to attempt to figure out if the videos are legitimate or not, and we're not having an easy time of it. However, we figure any old broad who's willing to make her Shirley Temple doll dance while she sings about being a douche bag is totes worth our time.
Totes.
Totes.
2.16.2007
No tell.
If you're a longtime reader of this longtime site, you're a.) crazy and b.) familiar with our proclivity for "Worst of" lists. However, if you are "a" and "b," you still may not be aware of our c.) obsession with Trip Advisor. That's why we're pleased to bring you Trip Advisor's recent list of the 10 dirtiest US hotels. If you're a longtime resident of Earth, it should come as no surprise to you that four out of the 10 offenders are located in that cesspool of human existence, Florida. (We're allowed to say that—we're a.) from Florida and b.) cognizant.)
Anyway anyway anyway, we highly encourage you to a.) check out all the reviews of the dirty hotels on Trip Advisor and b.) pay special attention to those of the Hotel Carter in New York City. Said reviews should keep you entertained for a.) very, very, very, very long time. Enjoy!
Anyway anyway anyway, we highly encourage you to a.) check out all the reviews of the dirty hotels on Trip Advisor and b.) pay special attention to those of the Hotel Carter in New York City. Said reviews should keep you entertained for a.) very, very, very, very long time. Enjoy!
2.09.2007
Just say yes.
We just wanted to share this video with you. It's what happens when 200 people snort 200 pounds of cocaine, in case you're thinking of doing the same this weekend. Enjoy!
2.05.2007
Aboot time.
The N has been so spotty with Degrassi's schedule in the past year that we kind of forget to check when new episodes air. The N also runs old episodes of Degrassi approximately 384 times a night, which makes it very difficult for us to spend our very valuable time trying to figure out if an episode is new or not. The point is, there have been new Degrassi: The Next Generation episodes in 2007. The first two featured the return of our fave Degrassi guy, Craig Manning, and a little problem he's dealing with. More importantly, the third episode of 2007 featured the shocking death of a character who's been on the show since the beginning. We must admit, we got a bit choked up at the end of said episode as the unhappy news was revealed to the rest of the characters.
The episode is available for viewing at The N's Web site, but please be warned, you may find out who dies before it actually happens, as The N has plastered spoilers all over the site. If you want to record it from The N itself, the episode is called "Rock This Town." Enjoy! Well, enjoy.
The episode is available for viewing at The N's Web site, but please be warned, you may find out who dies before it actually happens, as The N has plastered spoilers all over the site. If you want to record it from The N itself, the episode is called "Rock This Town." Enjoy! Well, enjoy.
2.02.2007
2.01.2007
Gone South.
We would just like to take a moment to mourn the passing of one of our oldest groups of hooligan pals. According to their Web site:
The Beautiful South have split up due to musical similarities. The band would like to thank everyone for their 19 wonderful years in music.
Sniff sniff. Should you not be familiar with these wry, cynical pop songsters who fill up Wembley Arena in their native UK but have never filled up much more than their gas tank over here, please immediatelydownload buy Welcome to the Beautiful South and Choke.
For your viewing enjoyment, here's the video of one of our favorite Beautiful South songs, "A Little Time":
We're sad, but we'll carry on, regardless.
The Beautiful South have split up due to musical similarities. The band would like to thank everyone for their 19 wonderful years in music.
Sniff sniff. Should you not be familiar with these wry, cynical pop songsters who fill up Wembley Arena in their native UK but have never filled up much more than their gas tank over here, please immediately
For your viewing enjoyment, here's the video of one of our favorite Beautiful South songs, "A Little Time":
We're sad, but we'll carry on, regardless.
1.25.2007
Right on!
We're back with two VERY important bits of information. No, they have nothing to do with Moesha killing a woman or Tyra asking us if we call this fat. It's that on March 20 and 27, 2007, respectively, the first season of Maude and volume 1 of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman will FINALLY be released on DVD.
We shall repeat ourselves.
On March 20 and 27, 2007, respectively, the first season of Maude and volume 1 of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman will FINALLY be released on DVD.
You now have this information. We trust you will act accordingly.
We shall repeat ourselves.
On March 20 and 27, 2007, respectively, the first season of Maude and volume 1 of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman will FINALLY be released on DVD.
You now have this information. We trust you will act accordingly.
1.19.2007
4 women.
Hi!
Two things.
If you're as big a fan as we are of Welcome to My Home (and, if you're not, you should be), please enjoy Miss Brenda Dickson's Web site. She's back in Hollywood, folks, and she's meeting such luminaries as Ace Young and Oscar de la Hoya.
She also met Marc Cherry, creator of Desperate Housewives, and had this to say about him...
The remarkable Marc Chery honored, Creator and Producer of Desperate Housewives. Please write Marc at ABC for a possible part. We talked about me.
Er...as soon as we decode that, we'll be sure to get right on it.
Please enjoy the rest of the site, most especially the photo gallery, where you can see Brenda standing undreneath a Christmas tree almost as big as her new boobs.
And, yes, believe it or not, that is Brenda Dickson, the same woman from Welcome to My Home. She's just happened to reach that generic post-2,346-plastic-surgeries phase.
Poor thing.
Eh.
More importantly...
Today and today only, as part of its Robert Altman retrospective, the IFC Center here in NYC's Manhattan is showing one of our favorite movies ever, 3 Women. We've written several times about this film here on the NB, and we urge you to check it out if you've never seen it. 3 Women stars Shelley Duvall and Sissy Spacek and can only be described as a film whose closest relatives are Bergman's Persona and Lynch's Mulholland Dr.
Alas, Robert Altman, Sissy Spacek, Shelley Duvall, Persona, Mulholland Dr. What are you waiting for??? Buy tickets here.
Two things.
If you're as big a fan as we are of Welcome to My Home (and, if you're not, you should be), please enjoy Miss Brenda Dickson's Web site. She's back in Hollywood, folks, and she's meeting such luminaries as Ace Young and Oscar de la Hoya.
She also met Marc Cherry, creator of Desperate Housewives, and had this to say about him...
The remarkable Marc Chery honored, Creator and Producer of Desperate Housewives. Please write Marc at ABC for a possible part. We talked about me.
Er...as soon as we decode that, we'll be sure to get right on it.
Please enjoy the rest of the site, most especially the photo gallery, where you can see Brenda standing undreneath a Christmas tree almost as big as her new boobs.
And, yes, believe it or not, that is Brenda Dickson, the same woman from Welcome to My Home. She's just happened to reach that generic post-2,346-plastic-surgeries phase.
Poor thing.
Eh.
More importantly...
Today and today only, as part of its Robert Altman retrospective, the IFC Center here in NYC's Manhattan is showing one of our favorite movies ever, 3 Women. We've written several times about this film here on the NB, and we urge you to check it out if you've never seen it. 3 Women stars Shelley Duvall and Sissy Spacek and can only be described as a film whose closest relatives are Bergman's Persona and Lynch's Mulholland Dr.
Alas, Robert Altman, Sissy Spacek, Shelley Duvall, Persona, Mulholland Dr. What are you waiting for??? Buy tickets here.
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