Had Catherine "Casey" Fish not choked to death on a mouthful of marshmallow rabbits in 1999, she would have gone home with her friend Elissa Henricks for a sleepover. They would have talked about Harry Potter and how cute Ricky Martin is and watched a tape of some episodes of "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" until Elissa's mom, who could sometimes be a bitch, would have come upstairs and would have been all like, "Girls, it's past midnight. You really have to go to bed." And Elissa would have been all like, "But mom, it's a weekend. We can stay up as late as we want." And Elissa's mom would have been all like, "Do not talk to me that way, Elissa. I'm still your mom." And Elissa would have been all like, "Fine." And Casey and Elissa would have stayed up talking until 3 a.m. despite Elissa's sometimes bitchy mom trying to always run their fun. And Casey and Elissa would have got up at 10 the next morning and would have gone downstairs to have some Frosted Flakes which Casey's mom wouldn't let her have and then they would have watched some TV until about noon when Casey's mom would have come to pick Casey up. The two girls would have hugged each other goodbye, and Casey would have gotten in the car with her mom, and they would have gotten on the interstate where Casey's mom would have unsuccessfully merged with a tractor-trailer. Casey and her mom would have been pushed off the interstate into a ravine where their would have rolled over four-and-a-half times before coming to a rest on its roof. Casey's mom would have been killed instantly, and Casey would have survived in a coma for three days before ultimately dying.
So, basically, not only would Casey not have been graduating from high school this Sunday, but her mom would not have been there to not see her graduate from high school had Casey not choked on a mouthful of marshmallow rabbits during a game of "Chubby Bunny" in 1999. We're sure The Chicago Sun-Times regrets the error.
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