Hail Caesar!

We're obsessed with honeymoon destinations, and none makes us happier than Caesars Pocono Resorts. As the Mount Airy Lodge has closed its doors, Caesars seems to take the top spot in premeditated post-wedding ventures.

There are several different types of rooms available at the resort, but obviously the Champagne Tower suites are the highlight...



... for what's more romantic than making sweet love in a Chernobyl-sized clear plexiglass champagne flute/hot tub that's been used by a bazillion couples before you? Nothing, that's what. And if you get tired of two-story jacuzzis, each suite has a regular heated heart-shaped pool, from which you can gaze upon your new sleeping bride...



Mmmmmmmm. Can't you just feel your fingers running through the plush industrial carpeting? And don't forget to look for a gift basket on the red formica furniture.

Go ahead, explore the Web site. We're sure you'll find something utterly enticing. Just read this bit of a TripAdvisor user's experience:

"The activities and entertaiment were weak, but amusing. The house band and singer Byrd Pressley was HILARIOUS. He simulated a five minute orgasm onstage. Oh, did I mention that there are constant sexual innuendos that never stop? See the XXX Not-so Newlywed Game if you'd like to see what kinky stuff your dinner table mates like. If you're the slightest bit prudish or conservative this place is not for you!"

We recommend reading the entire review just so you can get a true feel for the place before you pack your silky unmentionables and head out for your romantic retreat. Enjoy, lovers!