Your Globes are golden: the film acting.

The nominations:

Best Actress (Musical or Comedy): Judi Dench ('Mrs. Henderson Presents'); Keira Knightley ('Pride & Prejudice'); Laura Linney ('The Squid and the Whale'); Sarah Jessica Parker ('The Family Stone'); Reese Witherspoon ('Walk the Line').

Best Actor (Musical or Comedy): Pierce Brosnan ('The Matador'); Jeff Daniels ('The Squid and the Whale'); Johnny Depp ('Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'); Nathan Lane ('The Producers'); Cillian Murphy ('Breakfast on Pluto'); Joaquin Phoenix ('Walk the Line').

Best Supporting Actress: Scarlett Johansson ('Match Point'); Shirley MacLaine ('In Her Shoes'); Frances McDormand ('North Country'); Rachel Weisz ('The Constant Gardener'); Michelle Williams ('Brokeback Mountain').

Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney ('Syriana'); Matt Dillon ('Crash'); Will Ferrell ('The Producers'); Paul Giamatti ('Cinderella Man'); Bob Hoskins ('Mrs. Henderson Presents').

The winners:
Actress: Witherspoons, hands down. And is it because we're getting old and our eyes are going, or is Sarah Jessica Parker's name there?

Actor: We'll go with Jeff Daniels here. We like a nice comeback.

Supporting actress: Michelle Williams, scoring the first award ever for a role comprised entirely of sad face.

Supporting actor: Giamatti. It has the most syllables, and the Hollywood Foreign Press LOVES syllables.




OOPS! We forgot the dramatical category! Here 'tis:

Best Actress (Drama): Maria Bello ('A History of Violence'; Felicity Huffman ('Transamerica'); Gwyneth Paltrow ('Proof'); Charlize Theron ('North Country'); Ziyi Zhang ('Memoirs of a Geisha').

Best Actor (Drama): Russell Crowe ('Cinderella Man'); Philip Seymour Hoffman ('Capote'); Terrence Howard ('Hustle & Flow'); Heath Ledger ('Brokeback Mountain'); David Strathairn ('Good Night and Good Luck').

The winners:
Actress: Huffman
Actor: Hoffman

Your Globes are golden: the films.

The nominations:

Best Film (Drama): 'Brokeback Mountain', 'The Constant Gardener', 'Good Night and Good Luck', 'A History of Violence', and 'Match Point'.

Best Film (Musical or Comedy): 'Mrs. Henderson Presents', 'Pride & Prejudice', 'The Producers', 'The Squid and the Whale', 'Walk the Line'.

The winners:
Drama: We'll go with the gay cowboys on this one, and we don't mean Nathan Lane!
Musical or Comedy: We'll go with the singing cowboy on this one, and we don't mean Nathan Lane!

All in all, a grand night for cowpokes, gay and musical. Not so much for Nathan Lane.

I had a dream...

...that today was actually a holiday! Bah ha ha!

Because you were wondering, here are some advantages of having relatives visit on one of the coldest, wettest weekends in our history of NYC living:

1) A visit to the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum and its stellar gift shop
2) A last supper of burgers at the legendary McHale's, closing forever this week
3) Hot chocolate and a cookie at Jacques Torres
3) Shopping, shopping, shopping
4) Dinner at a delightful Cuban restaurant in the Village
5) A viewing of the best movie of the year
6) Taxi rides everywhere!

Thanks, guys. NOW GO HOME!



As today is theoretically a holiday, posting may be light, though we may try to predict some Golden Globe categories. That shit is on tonight, and we are excited, most especially to see and hear what pop song has been disastrously rewritten for the opening arrival montage. Stay tuned...

And so it was done.

Another week slips through our fingers, friends. Have a stylish weekend, and may we all wake up Monday morning to find ourselves in a world full of peace, happiness and a Supreme Court ruined for at least 30 years.

Well, one out of three ain't bad, right?

AMEN!

From the foggy east to the Fantasia West.

This email arrived in intern Prychzewskwsk's inbox a few hours ago:

Not sure if you've already heard this tidbit, but my sources tell me that Fantasia and Kanye West are dating.

As we love any Fantasia news, even if it's good, we did a little research and found that this appears to be true. Our research also indicates that Kanye got so fed up with Fantasia pronouncing his name "Cane" (because, according to her, that's how Hooked on Phonics taught her to read it) that he figured she'd eventually get it right if she were around him all the time.

Good luck to you both!

Panthed.

Here are the finalists for the New Pantheon music award. New Pantheon recognizes "today's most creative music as selected by the world's top tastemakers." These world's top tastemakers include Adam Brody, Elijah Wood and Jason Mraz. Which is kind of strange because we had Jason Mraz design our kitchen, and, frankly, you've never seen a more vulgar use of tomfoolery and clever quips. Anyway, good luck to all you finalists (word has it that John Cameron Mitchell can be bought for $20, an ironic tee from Beacon's Closet and a quickie in the Doma bathroom, but you didn't hear it from us).

Whore.

Whore.

"Did I mention the stripper poles?"

The New York Times has just made our weekend plans for us. Thanks, Gray Lady! Now, we can't figure out which Princess we want to be killed in, but we're leaning toward the Alexandra, as the bright red color will be easy to spot in a mass of roadside trees.

In related news...

Romantic comedy to jump off bridge.

On da fo' real, yo.

Ghetto fabulous!

Music to our ears.

Fourfour has, as promised, posted an mp3 of Santino's original ditty, "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion," from Wednesday night's "Project Runway." Usually we find Renaissance men attractive. Usually! Perpetually drunk blogger Zach summed it up best when he told us, "Santino actually repulses me in a way that I usually exaggerate." Perfect. While we'll continue to keep track of Santino's blog updates, we feel humbled in the presence of both Rich and Zach, who are far better at Santino analysis than we ever could hope to be. Thankfully, we're pretty sure we're the only one who can play Beethoven sonatas. Well, we once could!

Cheerio.

America is now two times safer than it was last week.

Cheers, thanks a lot.

It's always nice to hear from you, Shelley. NOW BACK IN THE BOX!

Um, NEITHER.

Describing Clay Aiken with the word "Thick" just made us throw up on a picture of Paula Abdul throwing up on a picture of Fantasia throwing up on the alphabet. Let's act a little more responsibly, people, K?

This must be a trick question.

Um...

#1) Have a penis?

Santinoblog update.

We actually found something non-comical on Santino's blog today. Last night, Nick and Santino designed an Asian-influenced kimono-style frock for "Project Runway"'s Banana Republic design challenge. The winning dress is to be sold in a limited edition at Banana Republic. Nick and Santino's dress did not win, and, in fact, inspired Deborah Lloyd, head of design at Banana Republic, to say that BR would never sell a dress like theirs.

Santino's blog today points this out.

Perhaps this confusion is the reason that Banana Republic's clothes of late have looked hideous. Mickey Drexler used to head Banana Republic until they got rid of him two years ago because economically the company was in a slump. Well, Drexler is now the head of J. Crew, whose business is booming and whose clothes have never looked better, and Banana Republic is telling designers it would never sell clothes they already sell.

You wanna hear a secret? Scout's honor: a couple of weeks ago Deborah Lloyd was spotted taking snapshots of a certain store's window display. We don't think we need to tell you what store that was.

Oh, snap.

Puri-tan.

Words they use: princess style, snaps between the legs, modest out-of-water look.

Words we use: please call an ambulance, we are dying.

What a scene.

People, the Nick Verros-designed "Project Runway" My Scene Barbie is available for pre-order! We think you should get one just because Santino didn't design it and because what other gift can you give your niece or gay nephew that so seamlessly mixes Steven Tyler, Miss Cleo and a Skittlesplosion?

It don't worry me.

In addition to Jon Stewart, this should make the Oscars a little less utterly insufferable for two reasons: 1)clips of classic movies like Nashville, The Player, Short Cuts, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, Gosford Park and maybe, maybe 3 Women and 2)the fantastically insane acceptance speech Altman is guaranteed to make. Perhaps this year we won't have to fast forward directly to the death montage.

Anorextangle.

Shape shifter, indeed!

Potent potables.

Oh! May we suggest for your next "Lost"/"Project Runway" viewing party these two lovely concoctions:

Ana-Lucia Shooters:
1 part* vodka
2 parts Hawaiian Punch
A splash of Goya "Leche de Coconut"
A splash of lime juice
Can be shot or sipped

Project Rumways:
1 part coconut rum
1 part pomegranate juice
2 parts pineapple juice
Mix in tall glass (or plastic coconut shell cup) with ice



*We don't really know how many parts of anything go in these drinks. We just put the shit in a cup and mixed it. But we like to sound official.

Money trail.

What do Ricky Schroder, Pia Zadora and Ricardo Montalban have in common? They're all DEAD TO US.

What else we learned.

Last night's "Lost"s informed of us the following without telling us anything...

•We can eventually expect a clips show of "Lost" clips shows

•The island "monster" is smoke from Alex Haley's cigarette

•Bernard's wife, Rose, is black. Rose's husband, Bernard, is white.

•If you put a sepia lens on a camera, you get Africa

•Charlie's fucking annoying

•Walt is an impeccable speller

•Jesus is getting a little too comfortable on the island. We know the show is based on the science vs. faith theme, but we're ready for a li'l science. Maybe an abortion? Something.

•Everyone still looks FABULOUS. P-h-e-w.

Short circuit.

Please join us in a moment of silence for the recently deprogrammed Dianabot...



Last night's "Project Runway" once again proves that no matter how smart we make our machines, they are not infallible. In the end, as previously demonstrated by I, Robot and Terms of Endearment, humans will always have the upper hand when pitted against their creations. Especially when said creations enlist in their struggle weaker humans...



Dianabot, we were rooting for you. We liked your Pythagorian designs and your sweet naiveté. You wouldn't have won (once again, machines never win), but you could have gone farther than you did. Marla, if we were you, we'd lock our doors, close the shades and seal up every single hole in your house. You saw Terminator 2, right?

Godspeed, Dianabot. 10000111100111111000000001110101010111101.

Clancy's a whore. Always has been.

And, now, though several weeks old, a missed highlight of 2005, courtesy of the journal of one Lisa Whelchel:

A few months ago, out of the blue, Clancy asked me how I would feel if she married a man who had a tattoo. Attempting to keep my cool, while trying to act cool, I casually responded, "I wouldn’t be thrilled but I understand that what is on the inside of the man is what is most important." She pressed in, "What if the tattoo was of a naked lady?" Pulling my best Dr. Phil, I returned, "Well, the real question is, 'How would you feel about that?" "I don't think I would like it," she answered honestly, "but as a wedding gift he could have clothes drawn on the tattoo for me. Or, better yet, he could leave the clothes off and have the face redrawn to look like me." Yikes, I want my little girl back.

Lost again.

As tonight features the first new episode of "Lost" since Moses parted the Red Sea, we'll get you up to speed on what's going on on crazy island. Well, we'll do our best.

When last we left...
Walt was still making brief cameos as wet-backward-talking-minority-child. There have been rumblings that Emmanuel Lewis has been tapped to take over the role should the actor playing Walt have his growth spurt.

Ana-Lucia and Libby were busted for drunk driving by island security. Libby pleaded guilty, but Ana-Lucia did not. After her hearing, she kicked a baby and told an entire nursing home to fuck off.

Hurley was eating. Well, chances are!

Kate and Jack and Sawyer were looking suspiciously at each other's perfectly plucked eyebrows.

Locke and Eko were busy forming an actual yin-yang sign in the sand.

Charlie was saying something to Claire's baby that no one could understand, not even another Scottish person, of which there are four. We just haven't met them yet.

Sayid became the father of a love child.

Nicky Hilton picked Santino's hideous dress over Nick's lovely one.

Sun and Moon spoke English to each other but didn't understand a word of it. So he beat her.

Michael kept wandering around screaming "Walt!" when, obviously, the kid only responds to "Tlaw!"

It became 2006.

Did we mention Claire? Kind of. Wait, Claire?

Rose and Bernard were given a medal of honor for being a living, breathing interracial couple. They were also given a medal of distinction for not being gay.



Tune in tonight at 9 for an all-new episode of TV's ABC's "Lost." (You no longer need to tune in to the 8 p.m. recap episode. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

NJ devil.

"Yeah, I eyed up naked Johansson, and I'd do it again. I'd eye up naked Johansson all day long. Who doesn't love some naked Johansson? Find me one person who doesn't like a little naked Johansson, and I'll stop eyeing it up. Otherwise, you best leave me alone with my naked Johansson."

It's like that.

Hey, Peter Jackson. Yeah, you. Why not for the next King Kong you give Andy Serkis a break and get the actual King Kong to play the ape?

Seen and heard.

This is somewhat old, but it's still good. It's The Smoking Gun's 2005 mugshots of the year. Clearly one surpasses all the others, but we won't tell you which because, if we did, we wouldn't have used the adverb "clearly" to begin this sentence.

Also, here are the 1001 albums you should listen to before you die. Get busy, all you 106-year-olds!

Bump.

Ladies and gentlemen, blogger.com is being a little bitch today. Alas, we are having technical difficulties. Please bear with us. PLEASE! For the love of god.

"U" is for KILL ME.

This is what it's come to.

Santinoblog update.

After meeting Kiefer Sutherland, Santino couldn't stop. He had to meet more drunk celebrities! Well, he had to meet more drunks. Which is why he "hung out with ["America's Next Top Model"'s] Lisa at an undisclosed Photo Studio [sic] in L.A." Hey, Santino, what the fuck is an "undisclosed photo studio"? Do you think if you tell us the name of it, we'll all run there in hopes of meeting you? Um, that's so not going to happen, so you can go ahead and tell us the name of it. Seriously. No one cares.

Is Lisa still there?

In motion.

Friends, the interns are out buying roller skates for skating night at the Roxy. We'll be back a little later. In the meantime, take comfort in the fact that preggers Angelina Jolie is meeting with lawmakers on Capitol Hill. She's such a multi-tasker.

Retraction.

Oh. Our earlier post regarding the unveiling of the iDildo was incorrect. At today's Macworld Keynote address, Steve Jobs announced that Apple would be creating a brand-new...computer. We regret the error.

Help a struggling artist.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

That show is so gay.

"I LIKE RUINING OTHER NETWORKS, TOO!!!!!!!!! BLARGHAGHGAGAGGGHHHHHH!"

Macworld keynote revealed!

Rumors are flying about what Steve Jobs will announce today during his keynote speech at San Francisco's Macworld. Speculation has included Intel-powered Mac Minis to Apple-branded plasma TVs. However, we have a reliable source in San Francisco that has just sent word that, today, Apple is prepared to announce the latest in its groundbreaking portable entertainment line: the iDildo.

According to our source, the iDildo is a sleek, pocket-sized vibrator with a 30GB hard drive. It's the first dildo that holds up to 10,000 songs*. As well, it's possible to watch your favorite episodes of such shows as "The Office," "Lost" and "Battlestar Galactica" on the handheld device. However, unlike with the video iPod, the iDildo allows you to listen to music and watch video while pleasuring yourself. The iDildo comes in white, black or Apple's signature "Shuffled" and carries a retail price of $299. It has a fully rechargable 12-hour battery and includes Apple Earbuds, a bedside dock for recharging and lube. The one caveat is that the iDildo is non-returnable. There is a one-year warranty on parts and labor, though.



Well, we think it's safe to proclaim that Apple does it again! Unfortunately we have no word on the street date, but we can't imagine it's too far off. The iDildo sounds like another hit for Apple and one that will broaden its user base while retaining loyal customers so addicted to the company's trailblazing designs. Congratulations, Steve Jobs and Apple, on a job well done!

*At 160kbps

No noose but this noose.

2-disc special edition?!?!??!?? Isn't life hard enough, people? Geez.

Reason why.

Hmmmm. We think we know what happened. SHE FUCKING SUCKS. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

As you were.

The Adventures of Teeth and Chin.

Auld lang sigh.

For all you fans of nostalgia, here's a pic of Keanu Reeves and Amanda Lepore at Joe's Pub on New Year's Eve. We're so happy to see Amanda's been to the tanning salon—it really makes her look healthy.

Projected.

Dear TV aficianados,

Here's a nice, long preview of tomorrow night's Very Special Banana Republic Design Challenge episode of "Project Runway." On this episode, the characters are asked to split into teams of two after which they will have to decide whose design they're going to create, whose fabrics they're going to use and whose model will be walking the runway. The Project Runway. The teams are as follows:

Chloe/Emmett—we're guessing they'll be desigining a porkpie hat in turquoise, of course.
Marla/Dianabot—the luckiest mom in America and the math genius will probably create something Banana Republic would never, ever show for fear of causing a coup. Because Mob-tied Marla is on the team, they will not be eliminated.
Santino/Nick—they will ultimately utilize all of Santino's ideas, fabrics and models because Nick will get tired of fighting with a ring of greasy hair.
Kara/Lunestra—lots of yelling and crying leading to an outfit we envision as a patchwork of crazy.
Daniel V./Andrae—just let him freak out, Danny. It's been so long since the meltdown. We're due for another. Kisses!

Set your DVRs, people! What with the first new episode of "Lost" since the Kennedy assassination and "Kath and Kim," it's going to be a night full of fun times with fun folks.

Love,
Please make sure everything is on on Wednesday night at 9.

Rock your Gibson.

Sweetheart, go back to sleep. Justin Timberlake is learning to play the guitar. Everything is OK. Shhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhh. Go back to sleep.

Star of wonder, Star of light.

OK, people, here it is. The one blog that can scientifically be proven to be more retardedly unnecessary than this one:

Shine: The Official Blog

Because, like they said in Mahogany, "Success is nothing, without someone you love to share it with!"

(We're going to be busy between this and Santino. Oy. If anyone knows how to disable the Internet, now would be a good time.)

Just so you know...

Our prices are officially going up.

Good night, India!

Million dollar windfall.

OK, so who gets the Charles Street townhouse? What, us? Really?!? You're too kind. TOO KIND!

Yeah, maybe you'd better get a towel.

Hey, ministers—remember the last time God was asked to help 13 people?

Read alert.

The average in-flight weight of a domestic airliner is about to decrease by several hundred pounds.