In the eye of the beholder.

Our good friend Ian wrote a piece on Dallas's the Beautiful Room for this month's Details magazine (the one with Ashton Kutchers on the cover). If you don't know what the Beautiful Room is, let us explain very simply...

The Beautiful Room is a club in Dallas that's open to members only. To become a member, you have to be invited by another member. After you apply, you have to be approved unanimously by a panel of Beautiful people. The Beautiful Room's Web site puts it as such:

It is an exclusive community where membership is by invitation only. The Beautiful Room is discreet. Most people will not know about The Beautiful Room unless they should know about it.

Apparently, though the club is called the Beautiful Room, its emphasis is on social networking rather than beauty. However, Ian was kind enough to forward us this MySpace page belonging to Summer, a member of the Beautiful Room. The page is full of photos, photos whose emphasis is on beauty. Except not. Well, you decide...











Perching spread-eagle on a leather chair is our new most favorite pose ever, by the way.

Oh, and let us just say that Ian's article was hardly complimentary. Apparently, literacy is not a pre-requisite for joining the Beautifiul Room...





If you want more of this glory, and you know you do, visit some of Summer's 73 MySpace friends. We suggest this one, which might honestly be the best MySpace profile we've ever seen. We especially enjoy the combination of photos like this one...



...with "By My Side" from Godspell.

All in all, we have one word for this:

BEAUTIFUL!

Chaka! in retrospect.

Well, that's it for our latest NB Book Club. It's safe to come back now. Hi.

You know, today's adventure really helped us work out something we've always wondered: Is it better to read a book by Danielle Steel or, say, Chaka Khan than not to read anything at all? And we can finally say, with authority, the answer is yes. For if we had not delved into the world of Chaka! today, we'd never have figured out that from now on, every Chanukah we will be preparing, with love and care, Chakalatkes.

See you tomorrow. If any of y'all are going to see the Hidden Cameras tonight in NYC, say hey. We'll be the short one bitching at the tall asshole who pushed his way in front of us. G'night!

Chaka! Coda, page 183.

Chakawear is on the drawing board (stylish daywear, eveningwear, anywhere-wear for us zaftig chicks), with Cousin Dwayne working on development (based on his experience with Fubu clothing).

Also on the launchpad, Chakaroma (scented candles, natural oils, along with creams and other healthy body care) and who knows, I might even expand into a line of all-natural remedies. Simone, El, and the rest of the crew call me "Dr. Khan," because whenever they're a little under the weather, I'm at the ready with a "prescription" (usually my apple cider vinegar, honey, and garlic blend).

At long last, I'm reviving my Chakalates, which I'd launched in the 1990s but hadn't given the right energy. This time around, I want to do seriously better because, like Chakaroma, Chakalates proceeds are earmarked for my foundation. And I want my foundation to get a lot of proceeds!

Chaka! Chapter 19: Stranger to Love, page 137.

I had always felt so comfortable in Europe, especially in England, where I had a huge following and where people has just gone mad over the remix album of my shake-your-booty hits, Life Is a Dance. So Londoners saw me, knew me, and were, for the most part, pretty cool. Sure, a bobby, a shopkeeper, or a lorry driver might say hi, smile, wave, ask easy for an autograph, but nobody got all stupid and in a frenzy. I was able to go about my business in peace—to pick up some herbs and garlic or even a box of sanitary napkins—without finding myself at the head of a parade. Made a girl feel respected, appreciated for her talent, versus being merely a fixation for stargazers.

Chaka! Chapter 16: Papillon, page 120.

My favorite on that album is "Caught in the Act." I never get many requests for that, but just let me do a concert and leave "I Feel for You" out—I'm likely to be tarred and feathered! This is the ball and chain.

And, thanks to that song, I have guys forever coming up to me and telling me they want "to rock" me.

Puh-leeze—don't tell me what you feel for me!

Chaka! Chapter 13: Have a Good Time, page 94.

As I would tell a writer from Circus magazine I was tired of the leather-and-feathers. "I'd like to wear some fabric for a change. I'd like it to be Eastern-looking—it could be tight-fitting and very little of it, maybe Arabian and Egyptian, all mixed up."

I sure was.

"I'm having a silver headdress made up now, with two real bird wings on it, like a Mercury's skull, the messenger," I continued.

Chaka! Chapter 10: Pack'd My Bags, page 71.

"How are we going to make a star out of you if you're going to have babies?" scolded ABC exec, Otis Smith, when he found out I was pregnant.

"Listen, motherfucker, I'm gonna have babies and be a star—with or without you. How' bout that?"

Don't get me wrong, Otis was our ace boon coon; he was getting good things done for us. But who was he to intrude on my biology?

Chaka! Chapter 5: Street Player, page 38.

"No, I'm not going to the sock hop tonight! That's slave shit."

Homework? That was "slave shit," too, I thought. Because as far as I could see, they weren't teaching us anything R-E-L-E-VANT! "I just knew I had the world figured out.)

And I had only one word for anybody who was not down with our program—stupidmuthafucker!

Chaka! Chapter 3: Destiny, page 23.

The next day, I took the little knife from my sculpture set to school. If anybody messed with me, I was going to use it. As it turned out, the only thing that happened that day was that a teacher somehow got wind of my "weapon," and I got suspended. (But at least I didn't get jumped.)

Chaka! Chapter 1: Baby Me, pages 9–10.

For the longest time, I believed my mother had tried to abort me, which means, of course, that for the longest time, I thought I wasn't wanted. It's one thing to know you weren't planned. But unwanted? Try as I can, I can't remember what I thought I had heard that led me to believe my mother had tried to abort me.

The NB Book Club: Chaka!

Welcome to our third installment of the NB's internationally renowned book club. It's been a while since our last foray into the world of literature, and it's not because we don't read. It's because there was nothing to not read. Until today. We were lucky enough to get our hands on a gratis copy of the out-of-print Chaka! Through the Fire, Chaka Khan's autobiography. Now, please understand, unlike Fantasia and Paris Hilton, our previous book club authoresses, we respect Chaka Khan. And she can read. However, when any celebrity sees fit to publish an autobiography, we like to investigate. Especially when there are sparkles and an exclamation point involved.

So, today, we'll be quickly flipping through Chaka! and posting some of our favorite excerpts. And if you'd like to flip along, you can order a used copy from Amazon for 28¢. And if you choose not to, please know, we feel for you.

Dress to kill.

Oooh. Kiefer Sutherland's going to have a totally hilarious evil female twin on the new season of 24. Count us in!

Come on, drive that train. And drive it.

Via our new most favoritest blog, things magazine, here's the Enoshima Line Simulator, so, you know, if you've ever wanted to drive a Japanese commuter train, well, go for it. (Truth be told, it's kinda fun. Don't overshoot the station, though. Or you'll be gonged.)

Hangin' with Mr. Cooper.

Yay! Nearly naked Bradley Cooper pics. Unfortunately they feature a shaved Bradley Cooper. Well, at least it makes clear why Kitchen Confidential was canceled. Besides that 0 people watched it.

Platinum, really.

EUREEEEEEEEEEEKA!

Thanks to trusty WFMU, we can now bring you this site, which is clearly the reason for which Al Gore invented the Internet. The site is so fantastic that each season has been listed with its respective dancers! Meaning, you get to see when Lezlie leapt on board and when Cooley cooled off! And don't even get us started on the group dancer shots. Just don't. Really, the only thing that could be better than this site is one dedicated to the Pink Lady & Jeff dancers, but since we can't believe they actually existed, this site is, for us...



Solid gold!

Your video clip of the day.

Sister acts.

One word:

JALEESA.

Pehsh.

We just love the Daily Mail this morning for pointing out how our beloved Posh came to our beloved city for Fashion Week and donned five different outfits, all unsuccessful. Good eye, good eye.

Lucille, she does as she pleases.

We've been a "Hairdresser" enthusiast for years now. Certainly if you've been with the NB in its early days (and haven't killed yourself), you have, too. Well, we were searching the YouTubes today, and we found Lucille Cataldo, authoress and singer of "Hairdresser," in her inital appearance on Stairway to Stardom. She sings "Arthur's Theme," and, while it's obviously and unfortunately not an original compostition, the Cataldo trademarks are ever present: the Staten Island alto, the hyper-emotive face and arms, and the beautiful clothing. It all adds up to a video too important to merit a random "Your video clip of the day" mention.

Enjoy!

How Rudy.

This is from yesterday (hey—it's better than our usual week-later track record), but we feel obliged to report on anything Rudy-related. Even if the site we're linking you to doesn't know that it's not Different Strokes, it's Diff'rent Strokes. We know that because we wrote "diff'rent" when taking a spelling test in third grade. Serio'sly.

Your video clip of the day.

Leave-a.

Cool. Now if we can get everyone involved in making movies never to hire her, we should be safe. Otherwise, really, the terrorists have won. (Yes, "the terrorists have won" is totally '01, but we feel like it's got some new punch after yesterday.)

It's showtime, geeks.

For all you Apple enthusiasts out there (You know, the people who keep buying the same beautifully designed crap that never works. Oh, hush—we're part of that group.), here's an unconfirmed agenda for today's event scheduled to begin at 1 p.m. EST.

• Welcoming of Media Members
• Discussion on iTunes software, iTMS integration into iTunes, and iTMS sales and facts.
• Announcement of iTunes version 7.0
• Announces better search feature for Music Store
• Announces Movie Store. Available Immediately will be movies from Disney and Pixar, among other studios.
• New iPod Nano Announcement (nice brushed casing, while it will have same features as first gen, only a longer battery life)
• New iPod Announcement (Widescreen, Bluetooth, and featuring virtual touchweel. Does not include Wi-Fi, or any other protocols)
• One More Thing....TubePort. A $99 2-piece set that includes a dongle that connects via USB to your mac, and another dongle that connects via included HD cables or regular Component cables to your TV. The movie is accessed on your Mac via an iDisk-like storage component hosted by Apple.
Jobs will then explain the pricing structure of the Movie Store. Movies will be available as either a smaller iPod-format (which will cost $9.99 per movie), or as a larger, streamed movie to be streamed to your TV via TubePort. This cost $14.99 per movie. To purchase an iPod-formatted movie and a streamed version of the same movie, it will cost you $19.99."

Desert brainstorm.

Aw. Saddam Hussein just made us nostaligiac for The Kids in the Hall. Aw.

Oh, child.

A new Coffee Talk Companion has been posted at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and avert another tragic 9/11.

Out of fashion.

To honor September 11, we think it's only fitting that we list our three favorite things about our weekend Olympus Fashion Week visit:

1) Moments after we set up in the W VIP Lounge at the back of the tent, sorry, The Tent™, the place was cleared because imminently arriving Brooke Shields stipulated that no one be in the lounge while she was in the lounge. Honestly. Obviously the most hilarious thing about that was that Brooke Shields assumed it was necessary for something more than her person to clear the place.

2) In the Official Program of Olympus Fashion Week, all the designers scheduled to show were asked to provide a sentence or two about their collection. And, believe it or not, the most hysterical part of that isn't that Jay McCarroll is one of the designers who's showing. It's clearly Kimora Lee Simmons's contribution regarding her spring '07 Baby Phat collection:

"Brazilian Rainforest."

3) It's... Then... Kristin Cavallari... Um, well, there were really only two highlights. The rest was exactly as you might imagine: scenes more horrific than what befell NYC a mere five years ago on this very day.

Alas, take it easy. We're going to take the day to post a new Coffee Talk Companion, another 9/11-appropriate action if we do say so ourselves.

TTYL.

OH!!! If anyone has an extra Lacoste tote, preferably in yellow, do send it on. We were not quite drunk enough to grab one and run.

Kisses.

Absolut memorial.

Enjoy the weekend, everyone. Be warned—you will be hearing about 9/11 every single minute of every day through Monday, so, you know, just take some of those vodka-dipped Peanut M&Ms you're going to be shoving in your mouth in handfuls and put a few in your ears. Works like a charm. We know because we've done it before. On the actual 9/11. Well, you try waking up with your roommate-by-application, Perez Hilton, shrieking in the next room!

No, we're not kidding.

Bah!

But lady...

Via WFMU's blog, here 's Прекрасное странное, which, when placed in front of a mirror, spells out "hilarious, shocking and creepy advertisements." Including a baby shaving. Which is not the most shocking or creepy one, though it may be the most hilarious. Maybe.

Your video clip of the day.

Kids' movies.

We've received approximately 911 emails from people telling us they're sick of observing a moment of silence for 9/11 and could we please post something to keep them entertained. Geez—must we do everything around here?

Well, fine. Here's Entertainment Weekly's 50 best teen movies of all time. No, you're not wrong—The Breakfast Club is not a better movie than Dazed and Confused, Election, Donnie Darko, The Last Picture Show or Brick. But none of those other movies had Molly Ringwald, "Don't You Forget About Me" or a retarded ending. And you know how we like our endings here in America. Retarded, that's how. Anyway, once you're done being entertained by this post (which should have already happened), do yourself a favor and rent The Last Picture Show if you haven't already seen it because you refuse to watch anything involving Cybill Shepherd. We don't blame you, obviously, but even Christine Baranski's sidekick can't bring the thing down.

Totally bombing.

It's one of those days, people. Sheesh.

Use this time to reflect on the events of 9/11 and the fact that MSNBC is actually giving its lead story space to 9/11 conspiracy theories. Good work, media!

Mostly we'll be back later. Mostly.

You can stop the eat.

And... here's John Travolta as Edna Turnblad in the upcoming movie musical version of Hairspray. To be honest, we were a little bit worried when Travolta was announced to play Edna, but we're totally relieved to see he managed to lose some weight for the role. Good night!

Putin danger.

Don't you hate it when newspapers or news programs come up with a "[Blank] of the Day Award" for an item they just can't think of anything clever for? We totally do, too. That's why we're pleased to give the NB Redunant Headline of the Day Award to this story. Congrats to all involved!

I do but don't but do but don't but do.

Little Britain star and the funniest thing to come out of Britain since Rupert Everett's career, Matt Lucas, has announced he will be marrying his partner of four years, Kevin McGee. The only thing we can think of writing right now is another labored takeoff on one of the better-known quotes from the show, so we'll spare you additional unfunny awkwardness and just wish Matt and Kevin hearty congratugaytions.

Oh, snap.

Besides providing housing for crazies, the New York Public Library has an unbelievable and, better, free online digital gallery at which you can search for old photos of such NY mainstays as Coney Island, the Flatiron Building and Jews.

Children will shudder.

Because of her proven acting and singing skills, Madonna will take on the role of the Witch in two benefit performances of Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods in London on October 22. This could quite possibly rank as the gayest news ever.

Your video clip of the day.

Ends.

Yeah, we could just tell you about Paris Hilton getting arrested or Britney going to Taco Bell again or the toxic brew of "9/11 dust," but, quite frankly, eh. Rather, we think it's much more imperative to let you know that Matthew Perry is going to get a colonic.

Mamma mysteria!

Here are a few shots from David Lynch's upcoming film, The Inland Empire. The site at which the photos are found is in Italian, so we can't tell you anything about the pics as we took only one year of Italian in high school. We can safely say, however, that nobody wants a Coca-Cola.

A face in the crowd.

Finally! In the midst of the Suri smoke, an important story emerges that we can feel extremely proud to pass on.

Turn around!

23 years later, it's still completely traumatizing.

Always better than nothing.

Via Jason Hare via Stereogum, here's a bunch of versions of the Doobie Brothers "What a Fool Believes." Why? Because it's a fucking great song with fucking great riffs and fucking great melody. So fuck you. Fool.

Baby steps.

Sorry, but a certain be-wigged Asian baby is hogging the crap spotlight right now, so we're in a holding pattern for news that actually doesn't matter. Like Mr. Eko getting arrested for a traffic violation. (Jesus, what's going on down there with the Lost and the driving?)

Your video clip of the day.

Scaled down.

Please forgive us—we are about to get serious, and you know how we feel about serious (please see previous post). But we read this in last week's New Yorker and felt the need to, well, pass it on. It's a paragraph (phew!) from a story called "Learning the Score" by the New Yorker's music critic, Alex Ross, and it is political. So, you know, consider yourself warned...

When President Bush signed into law the No Child Left Behind Act, in 2002, he probably did not intend it to have a debilitating effect on arts education in the United States. The law rewards schools that meet certain testing standards in core subjects—reading, math, the sciences—and punishes those that fall short. Seventy-one percent of school districts have narrowed their elementary-school curricula in order to make up the difference, and the arts have repeatedly been deemed expendable. In California, between 1999 and 2004, the number of students enrolled in music courses fell by nearly half, from 1.1 million to five hundred and eighty-nine thousand. Music education has been disappearing from schools for decades, but No Child Left Behind has transformed a slow decline into a precipitate fall.

Taj mahuh?

Just so you know, this exists. In high definition. Meaning, you can totally see where the toupee meets the head. In India.

Just so you know.

Lordy, lordy.

There's a new Coffee Talk Companion over at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it.

Or don't, and be a hero to your brain.

Back and tan.

We're back. And totally tan. Don't be jelis. Be happy.

We're working on a Coffee Talk Companion, so, you know, chill.

In Labor.

Enjoy the long weekend, dudes. We're leavin' on a jet plane. Unless a hurricane fucks it all up.

In any case, see you Tuesday.