Say hi to Chuck.

Stubborn Sam is SO stubborn, even though the Grim Reaper told him in person, he refuses to believe dear old Brett Somers is ___________.

Rah! Rah! Sis boob bah!

Imagine our surprise when we turned on our DVR last night to find waiting for us the first episode of the second season of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team! Imagine your non-surprise when we insist this is the best reality show you have yet to watch. So, stop downloading porn, and go set your DVR to record the season. Now. NOW.

(Please note that, on the show's homepage, the judges are actually listed as "characters," which should give you some idea of what to expect.)



ADDENDUM: Our friend Joe asks why the show is so good. If we had any spare time right now, we'd write a five-paragraph essay. Instead we'll opt for three reasons: plastic surgery which prevents the director and choreographer from fully opening their mouths, the gauze lens which is always employed when shooting said choreographer and the prospect of another contestant having to do a book report (which actually happened last season). Oh, and the unforgiving uniforms. Four reasons. Oh, and improvised "dancing." Five. Southern hospitality passive aggressiveness. Six. Shimmery faces. Sev... Sorry. We have to go.

Marlboro 100.

Not to interrupt the summer of Blair or anything, but we feel it's imperative to pass this article and, more, this photo on to you. Obviously.



As you were.

It's a fact.

Someone is back. Here's a hint:



Here's a link.

Enhance your fancy dance pants!

Break out those footy franks and the Tia Maria, Leonardo aficionados! The funniest thing to come out of Australia since anything with "crocodile" in its name is back. That's right—all 0 Australian readers of this site have only one week from Sunday until the new series of Kath & Kim premieres at 7:30 p.m. on Channel 7 there. We did a little sleuthing and found Channel 7's official Kath & Kim website featuring a hi-larious sneak peek of the upcoming season. The ladies are foxier than ever, and we hope BBC America or the Sundance Channel brings the new eppies over the ocean pacifically to our living room(/bedroom/kitchen/hamper) asap. (Or maybe someone who's reading this can tell one of their Australian friends to make torrents of the new episodes so someone—not us—can download them.)

In the meantime, why not relive the magic by ordering the season 1 and 2 box set from HMV UK—they're offering it for only £7.99 with £4 overseas shipping (that's about $24 for four discs, including shipping!) What? You say you can't play region 2 DVDs. Pshaw! Unfortunately, for season 3 and Da Kath & Kim Code, you'll have to pay retail. But it's worth it, and you'll be our second-best friend if you do.

The Sean of spring.

We haven't posted any Degrassi news in a while, mostly because we lost of track of when seasons were beginning and ending. For all we know, Liberty is the size of a house and is terrorizing Canada. Oh, wait, that's what was happening the last time we watched. Anyway, this winter, Degrassi's own ne'er-do-well, Sean, will join the Broadway company of our favorite musical in a long time, Spring Awakening. No word on who he will play, but there's a one in eight chance you will get to see Sean ass. If you're into that.

We are hoping this will lead to an entirely Degrassi-populated Spring Awakening, with Snake and Spike playing the adult roles. Are you listening, Broadway??? Eh???

And a Rudy in a pear tree.

Our friend Tim yesterday was all, “You gots to updates your blogs.” And we were all, “You try living with the fallout of having a steam pipe explode in front of your building and imagining you’re going to die with YOUR OFFICEMATES.”

However, because we like Tim, we’re updating today with a special “Christmas in July” post! We proudly bring you all five parts of Andy Williams’s NBC Kids Christmas Special in which you’ll enjoy Andy’s holiday shenanigans with Soleil Moon Frye, Tempestt Bledsoe, Joey AND Matthew Lawrence, Alfonso Ribeiro and… Mindy Cohn (among others)!

Pour yourself a frosty mug o’ egg nog, kindle some wood in the fireplace and relive some fantastic memories of a time when NBC made true Must-See TV®. Merry Christmas!

Diary of a mad actress.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. In the mid 1980s, James Kirkwood, one of the book-writers of the musical A Chorus Line, wrote a play called Legends!, a comedy about two aging film legends reunited to help finance a producer's movie. The parts were played by Carol Channing and Mary Martin, and after the play flopped out of town, Kirkwood wrote a book, Diary of a Mad Playwright, chronicling the backstage antics of the two ladies. (The book, though about as well-written as Legends!, is still definitely worth reading if only to get a picture of two legendary old broads misbehaving.)

This year, Joan Collins and Linda Evans starred in a touring revival of the play. Though Kirkwood passed away in 1989, Collins apparently took it upon herself to keep her own backstage diary of the current production, which the UK's Daily Mail has so graciously printed excerpts of here. We could post the Linda-Evans-effacing highlights, but that would mean you might not read the other parts, which are also Linda-Evans-effacing highlights. Rather, pour yourself a flute of champagne, click on the above link, put on your best Alexis Carrington voice and read aloud the scintillating, saucy ramblings of a self-regarded legend.

Development.

Oh, and please enjoy this website (starring our new fake boyfriend, Michael Cera (hey—he's legal!)) and the glories therein.

Rough.

After all this time, it turns out it's not dog.

We feel pretty tonight somewhere.

You could combine Cher's defunct gothic tchotchke catalog, "Sanctuary," with her entire Bob Mackie wardrobe, and the result still wouldn't even come close to being as breathtakingly gay as what's below. Enjoy!

Old clips bite tenderly.

Happy July! It's 7/7/07, and because people seem to care about that, we decided to post. What do we have for you today? Unfortunately, it's nothing that involves Bea Arthur or original songs about a national tragedy. However, because we missed posting on Independence Day, we thought today we'd do a better-late-than-never tribute to July 4, 1776, the day on which we so proudly claimed our independence from Japan. You may have seen some of these truly inspired clips on other, more...active, sites, but, really, does human Tetris really ever get old?

Iiya.

The little dog laughed.

Three posts in June?!?!? It's true! This one we're a little late with, but we think you'll find it was worth the wait. In case you missed the travesty (both clothes-wise and everything else) that was the 61st annual Tony Awards (and chances are if you're human, you did), here's your 6.5-minute makeup session. When you're done, come join us at the Olive Garden; we'll be sitting with Donna Murphy's people.

Spelled out.

Please join us, 3,285 Bunsen burners and one tablecloth that was pulled off the table without upsetting any of the dishes or silverware, for a moment of silence.

It's more than you plus me plus infinity.

We now proudly give to you three-and-a-half minutes of NBC's 60th Anniversary Celebration that takes the two hours of Dreamgirls, puts it in a half-nelson and doesn't just choke it, but rips its head off.

No. Seriously.

All of us, victims.

Well, hello! It's true—we haven't written in nearly a month. It's also true that that's not likely to change. However, while we may have taken a break, the world certainly hasn't. And, while we have no idea what's going on in said world because we no longer have the luxury of a workless workday to peruse the onlines, we still occasionally do come across a diamond in the rough. Or, in this case, diamonds in the rough. Well, actually, they're not really diamonds. They're more like pieces from Lainie Kazan's QVC collection.

The point is, you probably thought not much could be more horrific than last month's terrible tragedy at Virginia Tech. We're here to proudly tell you you would be wrong. Very, very wrong.

Without further brouhaha, then, please enjoy Nervous Breakdown's Tribute to Tributes to the Victims of the Virginia Tech Massacre. We begin with our favorite and proceed from there in order of favorite finally ending with our favorite. Peace be with you.

Allow us to explain.

No, we're not dead, nor have we forgotten about you. We're between jobs and enjoying the glorious time off. How do we feel exactly? Kind of like this...

Lil Spizzy.

It's not truly spring in New York City until banners announcing Spiderman Week NYC pop up on lampposts all around Washington Square. After all, April showers do bring May movie tie-ins! We visited the official SWNYC Web site to find out more information about what exactly we would not be attending and were almost finished when we spotted this:

IT'S A RAP: CLOSING NIGHT CELEBRATION
THE APOLLO THEATER
www.apollotheater.org
Sunday Only
The Apollo will host the Spider-Man Week in NYC closing-night celebration. Urban poets from the five boroughs will compose original raps about Spider-Man and his many adventures. The winner takes home a Sony Bravia™ TV.

Obviously, this little nugget made us reconsider our whole non-attendance plan. "Urban poets" composing original raps about Spider-Man and his many adventures?!?! Um, color us there! Well, color us possibly there. Honestly, there's a 2% chance we'll go to that. Fine. 1%. Er...someone's going to film it and put it on YouTube, right? Because, really—we'd hate to miss something like that.

Hey!

Someone at Ubuntu is very clever gay.



(Pic courtesy of Rich.)

Reality check.

OK. We just have to say that this "cycle" of Top Model is proving to be one of the best evah, and the reason for that can be summed up in one word:

WHOLAHAY.

Oh, and Whitelle. And NeNe, Moe, Nata, etc. Dionne was already becoming our most fave, and "Wholahay" obviously sealed the deal. And Tyra's Wholahay rechristening of "Brown" made us fall off our chairs and knock over all 36 half-empty champagne bottles on our coffee table*. And that wasn't even taking into account Brittany's Pippi-Longstocking-on-meth weave or Melrose's cameo as "name consultant."



Nice work, Ken Mok. Nice work, indeed.

And, as we may have mentioned earlier this year, we weren't planning on watching American Idol, but we most certainly are. Sanjaya was fun for a few weeks, and, of course, we are still voting for him. We think it's very unfair that the judges don't even critique him anymore—they're the ones who put him there, after all. For shame, Paula, Randy and Simon.

No, now we're absolutely enthralled because we loves some Chris and Blake. Those boys are somethin' special! The secret to keeping the love for them alive is to turn the channel when each sings, talks or moves. Simple! Oh, and also to join the Blake fan club. So, how 'bout you follow our lead and be a Blaker Girl, too?



And of you have no idea what any of the above means, what exactly are you doing with your life?

*We don't have a coffee table. We live alone in NYC. We don't have any table.