The theme of the post is Top Model!

OK. Maybe we were just in the mood, or maybe it was Project Runway withdrawal, or maybe, just, maybe, it was as good as it seemed, but the return of America's Next Top Model was an unqualified success.



How do we love thee? Let us count the ways:

1.) "The theme of the house is Tyra!"

2.) Troublemaker Monique stealing another girl's bed by pouring water on it and then telling her she peed on it.

3.) Tyra's 93-minute kind-of-French diva "acting" introduction to the first official photo shoot. We kept looking away from the TV in horror and discomfort and then looking back to see if it was over. But. It. Was. Not. Ever. Over. Yet.

3a.) The cape.

4.) A much-earlier-than-anticipated...ASWIRL!

5.) "You want neck? I give you neck."

6.) The garter.

7.) Mr. J.'s ever worrisome hair. We think it may soon crumble. Fingers crossed.

8.) The collective of four designers whose name we thankfully can't remember (Eden Ave? Crap Ave?). Those were actors, right? We mean the clothes.

9.) The expert use of "Iraq," "plane crash" and "cancer" to secure a place in the final 13. To the booted girls who didn't employ one of these: we're on Cycle 7 here. Mere crying won't cut it now.

9a.) Where was our Katrina survivor? Girls, girls, girls, "Katrina survivor" is still very much in play! "9/11 survivor" is not. A good Superdome story and you would have been in, Evita. (And we would have gotten to write "Evita" for at least 0 more week.)

10.) Grand prize? The cover of Seventeen magazine!

Seventeen!

Hold on.

Seventeen!

Honestly, we sat next to a girl in 12th-grade retard math who was on the cover of Seventeen. Not in it. On the cover.

Damn you, Gilles Bensimon!!!



OK, we could go on forever here, but we'll stop at 10 just so you don't actually kill yourself.

However, there is one more thing...

Most of all, we've never had better names than in this unicycle of Top Model. So, in honor of Eugena, Melrose, Anchal, CariDee, Jaeda and the similar others who didn't make it to the final 13, here's the NB's formula for figuring out your Top Model name:

The first three letters of your favorite female TV character's first name + one syllable of solfege (i.e. do, re, mi, etc.) + the last three letters of your favorite flower

Allow us to demonstrate:

Our favorite TV female TV character's first name = Maude

One syllable of solfege = Sol

Our favorite flower = Tulip

So...

Maude + Sol + Tulip =

Mausollip

Beautiful! Figure out yours, too! (And, remember, if you don't like it, you can always change that second part. Or you can choose a different character. Or flower. It's all totally arbitrary!)