Boot.

Hopefully you made it through your day with your female workmates dressed like a ___________ hooker and your male workmates dressed like your female workmates. We're locking ourselves in our apartment tonight with a pint of julienned Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a gallon of vodka. Dyed orange, of course. You do whatever you're going to do, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Once again...

Happy Halloween!

Boone.

Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

Bloo.

Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightening.

B.O.O.

Deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly.

Your video clip of the BOO.

BoooooooOOOOOOOOOooozzzzzzz..........

Spooooooooooooooooooooooooooooky.

B...

Terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrifyyyyyyyyying.

Boo!

Scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaary.

Boo.

Happy Halloween!

When Kats attack.

The alcohol's really starting to go to her cane.

Ryan, over you.

We don't read gossip blogs because we like to pretend this site is the unfunniest site in existence, but we, like them, do have to give attention to this if only to say...

YOU CAN CRY ON OUR SHOULDER, RYAN!!! AND BY "SHOULDER," WE MEAN "BED." AND BY "ON," WE MEAN "IN." AND YES WE'RE YELLING BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO HEAR US OVER THE 5,329,539 GAY MEN SCREAMING THE SAME THING RIGHT NOW.

That is all. Good luck with the custody crap. We hate kids, just so you know.

Fly me to the loon.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and fight terrorism.

Unladylike.

We knew this would happen. Well, just pretend we turned our clocks back early and posted this before the last post. It's an utterly fascinating account (by Stefan Fatsis, who wrote the Scrabble-related book, Word Freak) of the recent record-setting Scrabble game played by two intermediately-rated players. Now we know how watching the World Series feels to people who like baseball!

More time.

Good day, sirs. We're off to perform in a state we've never been to before, so we'll leave you with this:

TURN YOUR FRICKIN' CLOCKS BACK THIS SUNDAY MORNING!

And enjoy that extra hour of drinking. It's the last time in October you'll ever be able to do it. Until Congress passes another arbitrary law regarding the sun.

Please have a good weekend. Lisa and I will see you Monday. Ish.

Your own personal Anne Sullivan.

Which aesthetically displeasing Web site lists all the major blind items so you don't have to lose those last few remaining brain cells trying to find them?

FYI.

Occasionally we like to let you know what makes us LOL. But we think it's always imperative to let you know what makes us ROFL. K? XOXO. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

One eye is better than none, in most cases.

None of this means anything to us, except, of course, the spoilers for the November 8 episode of Lost. Perhaps this guy will play the man with the eyepatch seen in last night's preview, the man who we're calling McPatchy because we don't watch Grey's Anatomy and are super jealous of the 46-year-old supply-cabinet-organizers who get to constantly argue over McDreamy and McSteamy.

Oh. Yes, we still watch Lost. So sue us!

Your video clip of the day.

Blogh.

Whilst searching for a gift, we came across this blog dedicated to all things knockoff and counterfeit (you make the connection). We urge someone computer-savvy to make a knockoff of the site so the universe will fall in on itself saving us from having to find this gift.

We lost a hand in the war.

Sorry we haven't posted in a while. We've been reading this list of bloggers' excuses for not posting in a while (via Kottke). It's not really all that amusing until you realize just how much utter crap is on the Web. And that's not even taking into account all the clips of Asian girls singing "The Reflex" on YouTube. Or this site.

When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.

This could be considered a second video clip of the day, but when there's crap to share, we share! So, enjoy!

Super steamy.

Just so you know, this is happening on November 1:

"In the first-ever comic-soap crossover, Marvel's mightiest heroes (and villains) meet some of daytime drama's steamiest characters."



You know, if there's one superhero we could use, it's Insta-More-Space-on-Your-DVR Man! (It's funny 'cause it's true!)

Special effex.

Yes, but it could be argued that when you're dead, you're no longer depressed.



(Great. Now if we ever commit suicide they're going to say, Look at the stupid blog. It was so clear all the time. How did we not know this would happen?

Ugh. So depressing. We need more Effexor.

FUCK!)

No professional experience necessary.

Lorenzo Lamas is about to do for singing what he's done for acting. Which begs the obvious question...

WHO'S IN?

Your yes it's a boy video clip of the day.

Beauty rest.

Project Runway may be over, but that doesn't mean you can't always be put to sleep by the god-awful music the contestants used during their Bryant Park shows! Enjzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The devil wears A Pea in the Pod.

Mazel tov, Nina!

Paper work.

We found this minutes' worth of entertainment on the Best Week Ever blog, a Viacom-subsidized blog dedicated to the constant promotion of all things pop culture, which is why we're wondering how the dude who writes for it got 12 correct and we, who are responsible for this sinking ship, got 16.

2749 Amenhotep Lane, Falconcity, Dubai, UAE

We've long been obsessed with Dubai and especially its Burj Al Arab. But we don't quite know what to make of the Falconcity of Wonders (via our favoritest Web site, Things Magazine), a new residential (?), entertainment (??), commercial (???) complex dotted with replicas of a handful of modern and ancient wonders, including the Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall of China. Honestly, this shit's even crazy for Dubai. And that's C-R-A-Z-Y!

Your video clip of the day.

City of frights.

Via Mental Floss, perhaps the most interesting syndrome since last night's "When the Cute Bartender Says No More, It Actually Means He Wants Your Phone Number" syndrome.*



*Yes, we realize that was totally labored. But we're kind of tired of changing "r"s to "l"s and vice-versa when dealing with Asian trivia.

Here's what we'll say.

We're on the verge on renouncing our gay. Srsly.

Taken off.

England's all in a tizzy because supermarket chain Tesco's Web site was offering the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Set in its Toys and Games section. It has since been removed. But don't worry, aspiring Scores entertainers, the set is still available on Amazon.com for a mere $104.99. Or you can just shell out five pounds and get the Peekaboo Lap Dancing Kit. Both sets come with Peekaboo Dance Dollars, which are not good toward the purchase of another kit, but may be used to bribe your delusional wife to stop using your hard-earned cash on her stupid whore-y dreams.

Video gayme.

Yeah, we're not afraid to say we have an Xbox. And now we might actually use it. (Oh, and watch the video at the link. Trust us. Really.)

Love "My Love."

The Stranger pointed us in the direction of this remix of Justin Timberlake's "My Love." It's an 0h-so-rare rare remix that improves on the original. Just try to stay in your cheap desk chair whilst listening. JUST TRY.

Oh, it also gives us the opportunity to yet again repost this photo, of which we'd like a framed wall-size glossy version for Kwanzaa. (Please Photoshop out the retarded guitar.) Thanx.

Hi5!

Our friend Bart (who wrote about Lance Armstrong in this month's Details and Matthew McConaughey a few months ago—just saying) reminds us today to whip out your little best friend and wish him a happy birthday.

So...

Happy 5th birthday, iPod! You've really made it worth all the time spent illegally downloading free music.

Here are our birthday wishes for you, for us:

1.) Please eventually work longer than 4 hours.

2.) Please eventually work.

Don't worry. We'll keep buying you, but we're just, you know, wishing.



In honor of the iPod's 5th birthday, here's a way to record with your iPod using nothing but the iPod and the earbuds. Yes, it's true. We've done it many times, and it does, in fact, work.

Finally, kudos to you, Apple, for finally making AIDS cool to get. If that's not a five-year milestone, really, what is?

Your choice.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion over at the Blair Necessities. And it's short! So, as always, click here to read it.

Or don't, and save an angel.

Itsy bitsy sleepy creepy.

Haaaaaaaay!

Yeah. Well. Let's just say last night involved dirty gin martinis that tasted vaguely like Lemon Pledge, a DJ who should really thank the lighting and, we think, a Mercedes. Meaning, every day is a struggle, but not like today.

To make up for our transgressions, here's a 10-year-old modeling a bikini:

And...cut.

Ouch.

Your video clips of the day.

Here are some of your favorite pop stars in your favorite musical sensation, Les Miserables!

Ricky Martin:



Debbie Gibson:



And, of course, Shanice!

Nuts.

Dudes, we are suh busy right now with "other things." So sorry. However, we do want you to enjoy the front page of the UK Sun's Web site today just, well, because...

Staff infection.

Our new most favorite site right now is that of The Block, a hotel in Lake Tahoe for snowboarders, by snowboarders. Or something like that. Hotel Chatter turned us on to it, and now we're totally enjoying the profiles of the hotel's staff members. That's right. The hotel's staff has each posted a profile on the site's "Staff" page. For when you're really drunk on hot toddys and trolling the halls at 4 a.m. for someone, anyone, to hook up with.

Like, for instance, front desk agent Gilbert Perez...



...who likes money, Beeatches, 40's, hus'lin but dislikes Skantless Ho's, Stuck up bitches, people who don't ride on motherfucker's and Ho's who talk too much.

Or, perhaps, Tyler Roberts, lead front desk agent.



The only things that will wake him up at 4 a.m. are "a warm body next to me and...snowboarding." You'll have to try extra hard for him.

Or, maybe you're feeling a little spicy and would like to meet housekeeper Carlos Torres.



He gustas escuchar musica y ver videos musicales acompanado por amigos y ron Bacardi solera but does not gusta creo que no tengo porque el que se enoja pierde.

Really, any way you look at it, bring your own sheets.

Your video clip of the day.

(We've been dying to get some Kirkland up here forever!)

It's all a blur, anyway.

Thanks to Mental Floss for pointing out that it's not 2006 but really 1709. Which means we have to go pay our respects to newly crowned Emperor Nakamikado of Japan. BRB.

Here, drink this. You'll need it.

Not that a retarded amoeba couldn't have done it, but, we just want to say, we called it.

Runaway.

Well, folks, after 92 weeks, the third season of Project Runway comes to a close tonight. Who do we think is going to win? Can someone remind us who's playing?



Oh yeah.

Ehnyway.

Michael? No. His final collection was too hooch. And, sorry, he's boring. But we're glad he got braces. His grill has been driving us bananas since week 34.

Uli? No. We love that she finally used her name as an adjective in week 87, but she should stay in Miami and make beach dresses for the assistants at Ocean Drive. Uli as winner = Chloe as winner and not because we can't understand a word that comes out of either of their mouths. Because zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Laura? No. She does one thing and, even though she does it very well, it's still one thing. (We're talking about making babies. Just to be clear.)

Jeffrey? No. Like his neck, Jeffrey's designs have been indecipherable and inconsistent. They're occasionally thrilling, yes, but they're also occasionally Angela's mom.

Which leaves us with...oh. We have to pick one of those? Really? We can't pick Santino?

Fine.

We'll go with Laura, though we think it could be Jeffrey. Or Uli. Or...never mind.

Two train wrecks running.

Here's the pilot episode of the Liza Minnelli and David Gest reality show that was supposed to air on VH-1 but didn't because he was gay they hated each other the show features Liza eating pudding oh, just watch it before someone at Viacom with a "V" finds out about it.



UPDATE:
We finally made it through the whole thing. Three words: Ashford and Simpson.

Dangling part-disciple.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it.

Or don't, and keep the dream alive.

Misshpelled.

Apparently the correct spelling of "surprise" is as much as surprising to the hipsters at Misshapes as the guest DJ himself. Easy solution: just borrow the "r" from whatever the fuck TKOmri is. We're sure it won't notice.

Foxy fire.

People in NYC, do us a favor. Go here, figure out how many tickets you would like for tonight's show at Town Hall and buy them. We attended last night's show and would be returning tonight if we could. And it didn't even matter that the sound mix was shitty and that, as usual, the New York audience acted like assholes throughout. It was that good. And, we might add, there was a costume change, which Dolly Parton, both times we saw her in the past year, didn't bother to do. Real singing, real playing, real choreography, hot girls onstage and a peppering of hot guys in the audience. And sequins. GO.

Oh, and here's Jenny Lewis's IMDb page. Before Rilo Kiley and this gig, she was an actress with an extensive resumé, and, yes, she did appear in Firefox (see below, far left) and Troop Beverly Hills and on one episode of the Golden Girls, which, obviously, makes her today's our most favorite person ever.

Your video clip of the day.

(It gets really good at the 3-minute mark.)

Not since 10/11.

The most horrifying threat to humanity is about to become a reality to New Yorkers.

Not so slick.

OK. We knew we should never have made a blanket statement. How 'bout this? If we see something we want to share with you, we will. If we don't, we won't. Which may sound a lot like before, but the point is we need to not feel pressured to post. Which is what was happening. Big time. Oh, and also, Blogger.com is being more and more of an asshole lately, and, frankly, it's getting tiresome.

So, to amend yesterday's statement, there may be days with 10 posts, and there may be a week with nothing (at least until tomorrow when we change our mind). And who should you thank for today's non-blanket blanket statement?

Grace Slick.

She's the man on the left presenting original artwork to San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom at a dedication ceremony for the new Virgin Atlantic Jefferson Airplane.



Clearly we could not have slept tonight knowing you did not see this photo. XOXO.

Brokedown.

We're presently pulling back from posting on this site as often as we usually do. Which we kind of have done anyway without making any official statement. The main thing to note is that we still love you, and everything's fine. We'd just rather not give you so much of the sub-subpar edutainmentation we've been giving lately. The "good" news is that the Blair Necessities will remain quite active, as long as Lisa Whelchel remains quite active, which we're sure won't be a problem.

So, you know, thanks for understanding. Do continue to check back because we may be inspired here and there to post something too good not to be mentioned. In the meantime, please enjoy one of our most favorite TV moments ever:

Miss Maple.

We just posted a new Coffee Talk Companion at the Blair Necessities. Click here to read it!

Or don't, and be a good role model.

Bambye!

We hope you enjoyed Jamie Bamber Day! We sure did. It nearly prevented us from finding out the girl from Whale Rider is pregnant.

Nearly.

Have a Galacterrific weekend! We, and Lisa, will be back on Monday.

Air hugs and kisses!