Riding the bus with my other sister.

We would like to discuss last night's Hallmark Hall of Fame TV movie, Riding the Bus with My Sister, in which Rosie O'Donnell portrayed a mentally handicapped adult whose father's sickness brings her closer to her busy photographer sister, played by Andie MacDowell.



1)Andie MacDowell successfully retained her title of worst actress ever from her first moment onscreen. She was required to be woken up by her alarm clock. This entailed the alarm clock ringing, Andie MacDowell opening her eyes, casually getting out of bed, moving her arms to look like she was stretching and making her way to her bathroom mirror, in which her reflection said, "I have definitely not been sleeping."

2)Rosie O'Donnell, who would be the worst actress ever if we considered her an actress, apparently based her mentally handicapped character on a combination of Animal from the Muppets and Amy Pohler's Caitlin character from "Saturday Night Live" (the bus driver's name was even Rick). This unique, very loud characterization was peppered with bits of material from Rosie's stand-up act. This movie also marked the first time in history a retarded person ever used the word "joint," as in "Can we get some help in this joint?"

3)The patrons of the buses O'Donnell rode were either overwhelmingly delighted to be in the company of a screaming special person or thoroughly disgusted. Because this was a Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation, most were overwhelmingly delighted (not to mention of all colors and races possible, except Asian). One delightee chided a disgustee with the line, "Pay no attention to her. She's only a harmless retarded person." As well, when the bus driver, Rick, had to make a detour to take O'Donnell to the hospital, the other riders were mostly happy to oblige. Just like they would be in real life.

4)Anjelica Huston directed the movie, or so we're told. When O'Donnell looks up the night sky while sitting on a bench and eating a doughnut, we get a shot of treetops and a huge, full moon, the kind no one has ever seen because it's never happened. Huston obviously gave up early on this one.

5)We could go on and on and on about this, and we may, if we ever watch the remaining hour and forty-five minutes we did not see. Until then, our friend put it best when he said, "It's not so much that she's retarded as it is that she's an asshole."