Monkeys.

Before we go drink play the piano (we do have a skill!), here's a story regarding a monkey who hates sports almost as much as we do. Particularly enjoyable (and not because grammatically it appears to have been written by an ESOL student) is the story's first paragraph:

Padraig Harrington's preparations for a first tournament of the new year was spoilt when a monkey escaped with a laser gun as he practised for this week's Malaysian Open.

We're pretty sure Harrington, and not the monkey or the laser gun, was practicing for the Open, but, as we do not know what a Harrington or an Open is, it's anyone's guess. Obviously the laser gun was there to kill the robots. We're not completely ignorant.