Lost again.

As tonight features the first new episode of "Lost" since Moses parted the Red Sea, we'll get you up to speed on what's going on on crazy island. Well, we'll do our best.

When last we left...
Walt was still making brief cameos as wet-backward-talking-minority-child. There have been rumblings that Emmanuel Lewis has been tapped to take over the role should the actor playing Walt have his growth spurt.

Ana-Lucia and Libby were busted for drunk driving by island security. Libby pleaded guilty, but Ana-Lucia did not. After her hearing, she kicked a baby and told an entire nursing home to fuck off.

Hurley was eating. Well, chances are!

Kate and Jack and Sawyer were looking suspiciously at each other's perfectly plucked eyebrows.

Locke and Eko were busy forming an actual yin-yang sign in the sand.

Charlie was saying something to Claire's baby that no one could understand, not even another Scottish person, of which there are four. We just haven't met them yet.

Sayid became the father of a love child.

Nicky Hilton picked Santino's hideous dress over Nick's lovely one.

Sun and Moon spoke English to each other but didn't understand a word of it. So he beat her.

Michael kept wandering around screaming "Walt!" when, obviously, the kid only responds to "Tlaw!"

It became 2006.

Did we mention Claire? Kind of. Wait, Claire?

Rose and Bernard were given a medal of honor for being a living, breathing interracial couple. They were also given a medal of distinction for not being gay.



Tune in tonight at 9 for an all-new episode of TV's ABC's "Lost." (You no longer need to tune in to the 8 p.m. recap episode. YOU'RE WELCOME.)