Keeping on today's literary bent, kind of, we need to get personal. And, please understand, this post is in no way meant to be a means of self-promotion. Yes, we realize the sheer absurdity of such a statement on an unsolicited, self-published entity such as this one. But, really, it's the absurdity we're into, not the attention. Quite honestly, we're shocked when we get attention. Which is the reason for this post.
Yesterday, upon being woken up at 5 a.m. by the illegally subletting neighbor for the 10th day in a row, we decided to do some myspace perusing. When we type in our name for fun, we don't expect much to come of it. Well, please visit this profile and scroll down, way down, to her "Heroes" section. An important fact to keep in mind is that the full name of your NB editor is Matthew Loren Cohen.
So. Um. Yes. Apparently this 17-year-old has decided that I am one of her heroes, ranking just above Mariah Carey (obviously). The reason for this, in case you were wondering, is that circa 42 B.C. I had a short story published in an MTV compilation, and apparently this chick really dug it. Which is honestly very nice. I've always said that if your work can inspire one person, it's done its job. But, um, a hero? For lack of a better phrase, You have gots to be kidding. In fact, I am almost outraged enough to write her a "cease and desist" myspace message. But I'm afraid that might open some kind of crazy door, if you know what I mean.
On the flip side, however, I can now legitimately list "hero" on my resumé. Unless she's talking about a sandwich. Which would be more appropriate.
The point is, clearly I am not "hero" material. I am a shy, quiet coward who avoids confrontation at all costs. I speak only when spoken to and make sure my stairwell is completely empty when leaving my apartment. I am a wallflower and, often, a victim but only in my own mind. I like to stay way, way under the radar. Basically, I'm a puss. Which is why, as you may be aware, I write this site in third person. Which is something we need to get back to immediately.
The wings above the wind
Oh, Jesus. People, your comments reflect exactly the opposite of the purported point of this post. The point of this post was to make it known that there's a 17-year-old in Massachusetts who calls us her hero. That should not, never, ever be an encouraging thing. See, this is why we don't get personal here. Shit like this happens. Lesson, though already known, learned.