The National Enquirer, that rascally tabloid that broke the Clay Aiken/John Paulus gay hookup story, is now apparently being paid by Clay Aiken to just declare everyone associated with American Idol gay. And, no, if you're worried that we might be posting about celebrities again, let us remind you these people are not celebrities. They won (and lost, in Clay's case) a contest. Just like we did in 1984 when we won the Boca Raton spelling bee. Speaking of which, we sure hope you tuned in to ABC last night for the nail-biting Scripps National Spelling Bee finals. Boy, now we know what it feels like to care about sports. Except how did "kundalini" manage to make it as one of the 25 championship words with the likes of "weltschmerz" and "poiesis"? That was totally gay. Like Taylor Hicks.