And not sad and loving the men.

And the winner for most outstanding headline for a Brokeback Mountain Oscar nomination story goes to...

The New India Times for its stunning...



Congratulations.

Star Magazine Says: We Need Ediitor!

Curious George.

Oh, Clooney. Say it ain't so. We like you, Cloons. We're proud of your 36 Oscar nominations. Don't make us have to hate you. Please.

Blocked out.

LEGOs + suicide = genius.

Fandango!

OH! How could we forget? The movie version of Strangers with Candy will be in theaters this summer. So, just pretend you never heard the disappointing buzz, and get ready for pizza, pizza, pizza!

Watts going on.

We knew it. Naomi Watts is totally a whore for the E. Oscar doesn't like a druggie, Watts. Today's snub is no one's fault but your own.

Hot stamps.

Please make sure the envelope containing the dollar for the item in the previous post is stamped ONLY with this postage. Absolutely no substitutions or exceptions, however tempting, will be accepted. Thank you.

Terri cloth.

Hey, if 500 of you send us a dollar, we can start bidding. And if we win, we promise to totally Santino it up and post the pics. Let's go!



UPDATE:
The Terri Schiavo hospital gown has, of course, been removed. Initially we suspected some typical eBay cunt's complaining, but now we're inclined to believe it was Justice Alito's first ruling. Either way, fuck you.

Oscar fever!

This morning it was announced that Martin Luther King's wife, Coretta Scott King, died last night at age 78 at her home in Atlanta. But enough about that...

The nominations are in, folks! Which really is such fantastic news. Blue-state favorite Brokeback Mountain leads with eight nominations! Whoo-whee!

Nominations for best picture are Brokeback Mountain; Good Night, and Good Luck; Crash; Capote; and Munich. Obviously the Academy overlooked favorite Walk the Line for lighter fare this year.

Best director nominations are Ang Lee, George Clooney, Paul Haggis, Bennett Miller and Steven Spielberg (We don't have the exact figure, but if memory serves, this is the first time in a LONG time that all five best picture nominees' directors were nominated.)

Nominations for best actor are Joaquin Phoenix, Heath Ledger, Terrence Howard, Philip Seymour Hoffman and David Strathairn (We must admit that we were five for five in our predictions for this category, so good for us.)

Best actress nominations are Reese Witherspoon, Felicity Huffman, Judi Dench, Charlize Theron and Keira Knightley

Best supporting actor nominations are George Clooney (again!), Jake Gyllenhaal, Matt Dillon, Paul Giamatti and William Hurt

Nominations for best supporting actress are Michelle Williams, Amy Adams, Rachel Weisz, Catherine Keener and Frances McDormand

For screenplay nominations, visit the above link. Woody Allen did score one for Match Point. And Clooney did, too, because apparently there was a rule that he had to be nominated for everything this year.

Other fun bits:
•Best song nomination "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow, meaning lots of pimp references during the telecast
•Best song nomination "Travelin' Thru" from Transamerica, suggesting a Dolly Parton performance at the ceremony, unless Beyonce has signed up to sing all the songs again.
•No best song nomination for the new song from The Producers. Ouch.
•Um, that's it.

So, there you go. All in all, three words: Clooney...



Clooney...



Clooney.



And one more: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Coretta, you had the right idea, babe. R.I.P.

Chalk it up to insanity.

Make room for Babby.

Here's Nimpho Babby, née Bobby Kristina Brown's MySpace profile. She's a big fan of Whitney Houston but not of Bobby Brown, apparently. Gurl, let's see if that over-$250,000-a-year income of yours continues once daddy finds out. Righeeet?

And the predictions aren't...

Tomorrow, January 31, the nominations for the 78th annual Academy Awards will be loosed upon the world. Last year we did a comprehensive nomination prediction post. This year, we're totally phoning it in. So...

For best picture, our predictions are...
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Walk the Line
Good Night, and Good Luck
The Constant Gardener

Actor...
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Heath Ledger
Joaquin Phoenix
Terrence Howard
David Strathairn

Actress...
Felicity Huffman
Reese Witherspoon
Judi Dench
Maria Bello
Ziyi Zhang

That's about all we can stomach. Lie. That's more than we can stomach. Could anything be less exciting? They're gonna need to bring back some Debbie Allen singin' and dancin' to get us even mildly interested again. Otherwise, wake us when it's over or at least when Reese Witherspoon's forehead has its own spinoff.

Wait—are they broadcasting in HD this year? That could change everything...

Just crumpets, please.

Here's a way to get that awful British person out of your life once and for all. Cheers!

Keep the penny.

Courtesy of the always subtle FemaleFirst, the newest addition to McDonald's 99¢ menu.

Furbulous.

FINALLY!

Thanks to the wonderful archive.org, we have managed to locate some (not all, god damn it) glorious pics from Mo'nique's late clothing line, BBLI—Big, Beautiful and Loving It!



For your enjoyment...

Some "FURbulously MO'"



We can't imagine why these didn't sell! Unfortunately, if you want to dress as an enormous teddy bear or bonbon this Halloween, we're afraid you'll have to find other means. Still, what lovely, lovely inspiration.

Godspeed, BBLI and the tens of zebras who were allowed to live.

Full heart.

For those of you who have had particularly bad weekends, like those involving being dumped at a bar, our girl Jodie is here to offer her support. Stay strong.

Razzed.

The nominations for the most important awards of the year are out! The site's taking FOREVER to load (good for you, America!), but we have to assume that congratulations are due to George Lucas.

In related news, the SAG Awards were on last night. Those "Grey's Anatomy" folks are just so darling.



UPDATE:
Wow. Lucas escaped unscathed and Christensen took the fall for him. That's some heavy shit, Razzies. That's some heavy shit, indeed.

Well, well.

Mazel tov! What a breath of fresh air.

Face it, you're both half of what you could be.

Mornin'! We'd just like to thank the Discovery Health Channel for an utterly stupendous hat trick of programming last eve: "Living with Half a Body, "Born Without a Face" and "Born with Two Heads." The laugh track was kind of weird, though.

Cut.

We're done, kids. Enjoy the weekend! XOXO.

Top up.

Don't worry, your "Top Model" is safe (please be warned that an extreme close-up of UPN president Dawn Ostroff will attack you when you click).

In related ANTM news, Haaaaaaay, Toccara!

New best one.

Why, oh, why were these not brought to our attention sooner? You've let me, Mei and Kei down, K? Single, angry tear.

Imperfect.

Whose hairpiece is this, inadvertently captured by what we humans like to call a camera?



Click here for the answer to this white man's burden!

You're metal and you're gorgeous.

Courtesy of YesButNoButYes, here are the top 10 sexiest female robots. Attention must be paid to any site that promotes Eve of Destruction.

Be my Gest.

Fuck you, Brangeloona or Bennifgarners, David Gest and Da Brat is so right now.

Riches untold.

We were just silently reminiscing about one of our old favorite shows, "Rags to Riches." You know, the one where millionaire Joseph Bologna adopts six kids and launches Tisha Campbell to stardom? And they all occasionally sing? And it all lasts for less than a year? Yes, that one.

We wanted to do a big "Rags to Riches" extravganza, but, as there's a dearth of available information regarding the show, please enjoy the summary of the series finale entitled "Sweet 16":

The Cuban missile crisis hits the girls full blast as Russia threatens to attack the United States. Nick decides to build a bomb shelter when Mickey becomes afraid of being vaporized. Diane plans a very emotional sweet 16 party, with the idea of creating harmony with Russia.

Wonderful. Simply wonderful. Ever since glasnost, TV hasn't been the same. How we miss you, childhood. You, too, Tisha.

Scarry.

And now...celebrity scars! Yeah, nice, but come talk to us when you've had pyloric stenosis at six weeks old—that's a scar. Don't believe it? Come here. NOW!

Starved for attention.

Geez, some people will do anything for food. (Come on! Circa 1984 jokes are all the rage now! We are the world, people. We are the world.)

Success!

Kudos to intern Zing-Zao Trang for getting Daniel V. out of our clean, short hair! Who knew that all it would take was one listen to this to send him running for the hills? Well, it's pretty obvious, but still. We were about to resort to setting him on fire. The downside is all the other interns fled, but they know to stay in a one-mile radius of headquarters, otherwise their explosives-laden Battle Royale-style chokers automatically detonate.

Thank you ever so much for bearing with us today. We promise never to allow Daniel V. into our hearts and home again.

Except when he left he did smile that smile. God damn it.

Flushed.

After today, Elmo, we do. Sheesh.

Listen.

All right. We thought this relationship would work out, but clearly it's not. Seriously. You get one "Project Runway" designer to stay the night, and suddenly you and your interns are their hostages. People, no matter how many times you may say it to yourselves, "What at night seems OK reveals teeth come the day" is an adage that's never wrong. Never.

Alas, this seemingly innocuous and quite cute designer...



...as crazy as it may seem, has, in sunlight, turned into this...



Fortunately, we've discovered that it's somewhat easy to distract him if you throw sequins in his direction. It happens that we have a large bag of sequins left over from an honorary birthday party we had for Helen Gurley Brown, so intern Yskediew is throwing them one by one at Dan while interns Injlundtstedt and Paco try to procure a gun with a silver bullet. Or just a net. We knew that Daniel went to F.I.T., but we thought he had his own place in the city by now. It's time for him to go. He's already ruined our day w/r/t the NB. At least let us shower, Dan. Please!

In fairness, the scarf does look fabulous.

The nose is smoke and mirrors.

Dan is forcing us not to watch him sew, so here's some Brangelinaniston news via Star magazine. Yeah, we know, totally lame, but with the interns doing thank-you cards and our desk being used as a scarf factory, it's all we could muster.

Help us. Please. He's crazy. You have no idea.

No thank you.

Ah, Daniel bought 3,000 thank-you notecards from Kate's for our interns to fill out for him. Nice. He says he really wants to respond to his fan mail himself but the (unsolicited) sparkle chartreuse scarf is going to take up his time. We tried to tell him that none of the interns really speaks English, but he insisted. Which is why we're pleased to show you the thank-you note that Kwang-Lin prepared for Dan:



He hasn't seen it yet because he's "totally busy," so we're just going to let Kwang continue.

(If anyone wants to call a bomb scare into NB headquarters, go for it. We don't know how much longer we can take him.)

The smile.

Consider yourself lucky, dude. Srsly.

Oh, shit. He's back. Why is he holding a bag from Kate's Paperie?

Santinoblog update.

Holy shit! Today's Santino post does not include a picture of him! What is going on? It does invite us to leave comments, which Santino promises will be unmoderated. Much like the first one:



(Daniel went out to get a Big Mac and some sparkle charmeuse. Apparently our scarf collection is in "dire need of some flair." People, this kid really has been edited kindly.)

Clarification.

Daniel V. is making us apologize for the last post. He's sitting here asking us how we could promote a site that endorses unsafe sex. Um, it just promotes sex. The unsafe part is up to the sex-participant. In fact, we highly endorse safe sex. All the time. Especially in truck stops.

Kidding, Dan! Geez.

You want what? A Scruncie for your hair? Um, we don't have any. Just use that scotch tape!

Nothin' but class.

Oy! What a day.

No, Daniel, you cannot have another Pop Tart! (Truth be told, this Daniel V.'s a bit of a handful.)

Sorry. Anyway, here's something that should keep you busy, gays. It's Squirt, the demurely named Web site on which you can find public places in your area where the gays have the sex. Truck stops, people. Now that's hot.

Biased.

Yeah, we're here. No, we don't have time to entertain you right now. WE'RE BUSY BAPTIZING CLAIRE'S BABY!!! We hear that PAX may pick up the syndication rights to "Lost" on one condition: that they tone down the Jesus talk.

In other news, Nick just copyrighted the bias cut and Chloe copyrighted turquoise. Oh, what? Daniel V. needs sugar for his morning coffee. BRB!

Late item.

...and, finally, in sad news, it was made clear today that the first two seasons of "The Facts of Life" will not, in fact, be released on DVD in June.

In happy news, it will be released earlier.

For Eastland School for Girls, this is Natalie Green.

Good night.

If you ever get close to a human.

If you'd rather talk to a person than a robot, click here. If you realize that all customer service specialists are in India and reading from a script, say "Namasde." If you are trying to drop Earthlink as your Internet provider, kill yourself right now. Seriously. RIGHT NOW.

Rat on someone your own kind.

We don't quite remember what a Joe Pesci is, but we do have to say that being in Boca Raton will bring out the very worst in anyone. So, Mr. Montenegro, cut the guy some slack, K? Some people aren't used to being in 95-degree weather in January and blinded by pink buildings and hair.

Name that goon.

OK, people, who is this?



Hint: pay attention to the child whose face is smothered in a black scarf. Also, though the robe, an abaya, is traditionally worn by a woman, it's not woman. Arguably.

Answer!

Crispin!

Datalounge led us to this pic of a recent Crispin Glover (with Courtney Peldon of, appropriately, gofugyourself.com). We though you'd enjoy. Enjoy.

Forg-'etta-ble.

Oh, just have to say that one-hour-and-forty-five minute buildup to Rhonetta Johnson's audition last night on "American Idol" was not appreciated. Comparing the unexceptionally bad Rhonetta to the likes of the glorious Mary Roach was like comparing apricot jam to Vegemite. Rhonetta Johnson had one wonderful moment, when she waved away the drink that Paula offered her, but, besides that, was routinely forgettable. More memorable was the poor thing in the pink cowboy hat. Or the white Michael Jackson. Or us drinking Pinot Grigio and checking email whilst fast-forwarding through Simon's birthday party. Please, people, get it together.

But he sounded like James Earl Jones.

How do you get revenge on Jude Law? Date a gay guy.

Truth.

Madonna and Guy have split.

Whip it. Please.

If you listen closely, you can hear us sobbing.

Wicked joke.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

American Idol, after dark.

Apparently tonight's "American Idol" contestant, Stephen David, Jr. of the U.S. National Guard, once did something else non military-related or singing-related. Holla, Anthony! (And, no, we didn't figure this out ourselves. You think we pay for this smut???)

Anyway, we're wondering who disappears first, Stephen or Anthony. Our money's on Stephen.



Good night.