Success!

Kudos to intern Zing-Zao Trang for getting Daniel V. out of our clean, short hair! Who knew that all it would take was one listen to this to send him running for the hills? Well, it's pretty obvious, but still. We were about to resort to setting him on fire. The downside is all the other interns fled, but they know to stay in a one-mile radius of headquarters, otherwise their explosives-laden Battle Royale-style chokers automatically detonate.

Thank you ever so much for bearing with us today. We promise never to allow Daniel V. into our hearts and home again.

Except when he left he did smile that smile. God damn it.