911.

After 1,263 episodes of pure, unadulterated torture, American Idol comes to a close this week. Which is why we're showing you this site now: it's called Dialidol.com, and it features software you can download to speed dial your favorite contestant. So, get your phones ready to cast your vote for either, um, Taylor Hicks or, er, Katharine McPhee. Wait. What's that sound? Oh, right! It's the sound of one hand clapping while the other hand loads the gun. For, no matter who "wins," as per usual, we all, every single one of us, lose. And, as Yoanna House once said, you have to lose before you can be free.