You created a monster.

In our completely lazy search for all things crap, we came across this song, surely a low point in Dolly Parton's songwriting career. It's called "Drinkin'stein," and it's from the 1985 classic Rhinestone, surely a low point in Dolly Parton's acting career. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how masochistic you are), it's sung by Sylvester Stallone in a scene in which he blames his problems on beer, surely a low point in beer's existence career. Thank you suh much, Record Robot.