Amazon celebrity delivery roulette.

So, now that we're addicted to watching celebrities deliver Amazon.com packages ("It's Don Cheadle with your copy of...Hotel Rwanda!"), we were wondering who we might want to come to our door with a special delivery. Then, we thankfully thought ahead, and figured out that if you order something solely in the hopes of getting a specific celebrity to pay you a visit, you are, in effect, gambling in the high-limit room in that any celebrity involved with the product of your choice is a candidate for delivery. Let us illustrate scientifically:

Hypothesis: If I order A.I. on Amazon.com, Jude Law will deliver it and we will have coffee and possibly sex.
Conclusion: I ordered A.I. on Amazon.com, and the kid that was also in that Sixth Sense movie delivered it and he's in that awkard stage and I wouldn't want to have sex with him even if he weren't.

Hypothesis: If I order Get Behind Me Satan on Amazon.com, Jack White will deliver it and we will talk about music and life and possibly have sex.
Conclusion: I ordered Get Behind Me Satan on Amazon.com, and the girl showed up.

Hypothesis: If I order Closer on Amazon.com, Clive Owen will deliver it and we'll play cricket right before we have sex.
Conclusion: I ordered Closer on Amazon.com, and was told Jude Law was supposed to show up, but, as usual, UPS messed up the deliveries, so he ended up delivering a copy of the Sixth Sense to someone in Utah while the kid from the Sixth Sense is here with my copy of Closer, which I already illegally downloaded and burned to a DVD. The UPS guy's kind of hot, though.

Thus, may we be the first to warn you against ordering from Amazon.com just to get a particular celebrity to come to your house, as chances are it will result only in awkwardness and disappointment for everyone involved. We recommend such a line of action only to serious and starstruck gamblers and fans of Haley Joel Osment.

1 comment:

Michael said...

While I definitely wouldn't mind a special delivery from Nick Lachey, I'd divorce anyone who bought me Newlyweds on DVD as my anniversary present.