Unauthorized.

We were just reading TIME magazine (OK—just looking at the pictures. Of Senators. But that's because we needed something to do on the porch*) Hanyway, we'd just like to officially state that we absolutely, unabashedly, thoroughly loathe book ads that include a headshot of the author. Just because Tim Green kind of looks like a circa-1991 Dennis Quaid doesn't make us want to buy his "unforgettable tale of a shocking act—and its devastating consequences" anymore than we wouldn't want to already. Really. It doesn't. In fact, it makes us want to go to every airport bookstore, find every copy of Tim Green's unforgettable tale of a shocking act—and its devastating consequences, and write "ONE OF PRINCE'S DANCERS" next to each picture of Tim Green sure to be located on the back of the dust jacket.

Speaking of airports, if you need us, we'll be at the bar. Good night.



*Fire escape