By the grace of some higher being (and a good friend with free tickets), we were able to catch the final performance of Suzanne Somers's Broadway "One Woman Musical Joyride," The Blonde in the Thunderbird. Obviously, this post could be the longest post ever created for the NB, but we'll provide a short list Somerizing how we felt...
1) Justifying doing a one-woman show because you were the child of an alcoholic is insulting to an audience, especially a New York audience, because chances are that audience is made up of at least 78% of children of alcoholics. And the rest are related to one in another way or are one themselves.
2) Yes, Suzanne, we're glad you got through your problems, but taking a hot, relaxing bath while your five-year-old plays alone outside and gets run over, and breaking up a marriage does not make us sympathetic to your plight. It makes us uncomfortable.
3) The above topics, plus sibling death, cancer, poverty, arrest and more, do not constitute a "joyride."
4) Not being able to sing negates "musical."
5) If you're going to have the coat rack, spring for the coats. No one likes a sad mime.
6) Childbirth should NEVER, EVER be re-enacted using a Lay-Z-Boy and a throw.
6) When "Three's Company" is really the only thing of note that you've ever done, best spend more than three minutes talking about it. And it wouldn't hurt to mention Joyce DeWitt and John Ritter.
7) Etc., etc., etc.
8) We loved every long, excruciating minute of it, especially the curtain calls that happened after the applause had stopped.