If you're looking for that one reason to completely hate the world, here's something that should do the trick: a Barbie musical! According to the linked article, Barbie: Fairytopia will play 80 North American cities next spring (does North America even have 80 cities?), and producers are looking for "'an actress with athletic capabilites and singing and dancing skills,' in addition to the requisite physical attributes." Requisite physical attributes should include blonde hair, perky breasts, and—let's all say this together—no vagina.

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