Are we there yet?

Things we're still waiting for:

• The pope to die
• Stockard Channing's mug shot
• Lena Olin's surprise return on Alias
• Senator Clinton's response to my letter informing her I'd be leaving the Democratic party unless she could give me a good reason why she was in favor of the Iraq resolution
• President Bush to explain why he created an Iraq resolution stating that he'd check with Congress and the UN before attacking Iraq and then attacking Iraq without doing either
• More "Freaks & Geeks"
  
• Catherine O'Hara to be given the praise she deserves
• The talent competition to be fully restored to the Miss America pageant
• A drug-free, good night's sleep
• Marisa Tomei to give her Oscar to Judy Davis
• Mira Sorvino to give her Oscar to anyone
  
• The Rolling Stones to make like Grace Slick and refuse to be senior-citizen rock stars
• An inexpenivse, attractive, wood bedroom set
• Anthony Minghella, Wes Anderson and Brett Ratner to stop making movies.
• A Gary Coleman/Emmanuel Lewis buddy flick.
• A 10,000 Maniacs reunion for one night only in my living room (sans Robert Buck's corpse, of course)
  
• Calorie-free fondue
• Being able to register for wedding gifts without having a wedding
  
• David Foster Wallace to write something readable again
  
• D-eath