Janice Dickinson needs your help.

Yes, we did watch the "Surreal Life" last night. Here's what we learned:

1) Janice Dickinson is hilarious.
2) Janice Dickinson is a drunk.
3) Janice Dickinson had the first of what looks to be many, many, many breakdowns.
4) Janice Dickinson will tell a mentally retarded bowler to "Bite me" in a future episode.
5) Bronson Pinchot constantly talked about screwing women.
6) Bronson Pinchot, therefore, is gay, as we thought.
7) Bronson Pinchot is balding.
8) Pepa is a doll.
9) Omarosa's face looks more compact than it did on "The Apprentice."
10) Jose Canseco is gri-oss.
11) There are some other people in the house.

All in all, it was an OK TV-going experience. Hopefully subsequent episodes will be a half-hour. One hour is too long, even with a drunk, crying Janice Dickinson.