No, that's not a monster. It's Jacqui Stallone, Sly's mom! Apparently she's been the first person voted out of the celebrity Big Brother house. Obviously Europeans take their reality TV very seriously because, honestly, how could anyone looking for pure entertainment vote that off a show? Maybe she was the reason Germaine Greer walked. Ah, we'll never know. Damn you, Europe!

We Americans do, however, have a similar show in the form of the Surreal Life 4. Not that anymore needs to be written about it, but the first episode, when entirely viewed, proved surprisingly entertaining. There's a distinct chance it could surpass last season as the best season yet. Why? Let's see...

1) Jane Wiedlin
2) The scooter
3) No Ryan Starr
4) Peter Brady's shocking hotness
5) Joanie Laurer's unshocking stupidity
6) A tolerable "model" and a model who doesn't speak
7) No Ryan Starr

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