Southern hospitbullshity.

The list of most-polite cities was released on Friday for the 28th year in a row by etiquette "expert" Marjabelle Young Stewart. The list is as follows:

1. Charleston, South Carolina
2. San Diego, California
3. Seattle, Washington
4. Peoria, Illinois
5. Omaha, Nebraska
6. The Quad Cities (which, apparently, count for one)
7. Hollywood, Florida
8. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
9. Houston, Texas
10. Salt Lake City, Utah

The list seems mostly quite unremarkable. Most all the places seem innocuous and pleasant enough, and Phildelphia is, after all, the "City of Brotherly Love." HOWEVER...

There is no such thing as true southern hospitality, and if there is, it has yet to be experienced by me. Never in my time in the South was any Southerner sincerely and, more, honestly hospitable. Sure, on the surface it's all magnolias and tea and "We'd love you to stay for lunch," but once you're gone, you're torn to shreds (if it's not done subtly right in front of your face). The hospitality is an air, folks. That's it. An air. A tradition. A "this is how we're supposed to act" act. It's years of pent-up rage for losing the Civil War released as "effusive friendliness"—seething passive aggressiveness dressed up in a Jubilee Day gown with a sparkly tiara. So, Charleston, SC, you and your smoke and mirrors may have fooled this woman for the 11th year in a row...



...but you got nothin' on me, bitch.

And, furthermore, what the fuck is Hollywood, Florida doing on the list??? The only significant thing that's ever happened there was my birth. Other than that, it's a nasty speed bump between Ft. Lauderdale and Miami. Do people even live there anymore? Really? And, if they do, they're polite? There must be something in the gross, disgusting water. Anyway, congratulations to the rest of you. New York will always be the most honestly polite place in the country, and if you don't agree, you can fuck off.