Dear al Qaeda,
It's Tuesday! And what a day it's been so far. As I was leaving the PATH Station at Grove Street, some crazy woman actually pushed me aside purposely and said "excuse me." Obviously, I followed her and told her she bumped into me, to which she began yelling and screaming and calling me a man and that since I'm a man I should get out of the way even if it meant becoming one with the wall to my right. Well, she didn't say that last part because she didn't realize I had nowhere to go because she a)clearly was taking out her failed life on me and b)was crazy. Life has obviously dealt her a losing hand. I happened to be the pit boss today. Don't you love metaphors? What's a metaphor? You almost got me.
Also, my moving situation is, of course, awful. The current tenant in the apartment we're moving to will not return my calls, and the broker, who's been paid already, won't return my calls, either. I just called the landlord's company. It's my last hope. The call was short, albeit hopeful. Should everything get figured out this week, I won't name names. But if at this time next week, I'm still in this state of, well, terror, I'll make a list. I have no problem calling people out on their bullshit, especially if they have my money. If I knew the crazy woman's name, I'd so totally leave it here. Alas, I don't. But, if y'all are bored, judging by the way she was dressed and talked, she can probably be found at the receptionist's desk of some low-end shipping company.
So what else. The Golden Globes. Yeah.
Oh! One of my letters to you elicited a death threat! Someone said I was guilty of treason and if he/she saw me on the street, he/she would shoot me. Perhaps the crazy woman was a scout. Anyway, you can't imagine how excited that made me. It means my writing is affecting people, and, really, that's why I do it. Someone once said you can change the world but only one person at a time. Consider the world changed. Of course, you like to do it several thousand at a time, which, quite honestly, is a little much. Have you ever thought of just asking someone how he/she's doing rather than killing them? I think you'd be surprised to find out we all want things we can't have. Sure, it operates at different levels, but we're all miserable. Some of us just have access to pills that stifle the misery until it all comes out on, say, some random Saturday afternoon. I'm simplifying complex issues. I know. Easier just to kill.
OK. I have an US Weekly to catch up on. Maybe I'll do my Oscar picks later. I don't know. The thing is, the Iraq elections are coming up. But the Americans aren't leaving until they can train the Iraqis to fight the "terrorists" in Iraq. The Middle East much feel so much better that now that Saddam Hussein isn't killing Iraqis, we are. Better we do it, right? See? Democracy is spreading! That's what you get for attacking us! A puppet regime full of terror, some yours, some not yours. Basically, you really fucked things up for yourselves. I think that's my point. Before you change the world, think about the people you're dealing with and the change you'd like to make versus the change you actually might make.
P.S. The carrot cake at Taylor's in the West Village just gets better and better. You should really try some.