Thank you, Kenny Chesney.

Thanks, guy, for taking Renée Zellweger off our hands. Well, for four months, at least. The thing is, you tried, and that's all anyone can ask of you. What a pleasant four months that was for us all—we think about it, oh, at least seven times a day. Ah. Such tranquility.

That she called you a fraud doesn't matter, Ken. What matters is your taking on such a singular force of nature singlehandedly and living to tell about it. Screw the armed forces—you are a true hero. Thank you. Have some turkey on us, will ya? De-tacular!

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