Your Heiress Diary #1.

Pages 32 and 33 of Your Heiress Diary feature the line "I'm with Paris" in 3,492,574-point curly swirly font across the tops of the pages. On the right-hand side of page 33 is a very small column into which you are to write "The friends I love best in the world:" We assume this space is teeny-tiny because you're not supposed to have many friends who you love best in the world—an Heiress must remain mysterious and surprising! We only wrote one name in our copy: Anderson Cooper. Well, he is who we love best in the world! Who did you write in your Heiress copy? We're dying to know!

The rest of the two pages are taken up by an enormous picture of Paris, Nicky and some other girl, and there is, of course, a pearl of Paris wisdom:

"Try not to date guys your friends have dated. It's disloyal—but worse than that, it's unoriginal."

Touché, Paris! We'd like to add a bit to that, however. Chalk it up to experience, if you will...

"Try not to date guys your friends have dated, unless the only openly gay guys are the four guys in the theater department of your Southern college. Then, date them all."

Thanks, Paris, for helping us begin to expose our inner Heiress (she capitalizes it—so can we!). Readers, how's your inner Heiress coming along? Is she feisty? Demure? A little bit salty, but a little bit sanguine? Come on—don't be shy!

(Oh—as for pics, you all know what Paris Hilton & Co. look like, and, again, we no know how to work scanner, so we'll just post random visual aids with each entry. After all, "Visual aids is the best type of AIDS to have." That's from page 163.)