This is not a plea for advice, but an observation. Since I don't have a television, I took to the internets for a look at Andy Samberg and Daniel V., the objects of your masturbatory inclinations. I was shocked at how un-hot these two guys looked! In a way, this exercise was helpful: You are turned on by average, ordinary, and not-so-cute guys. Knowing you were gay, I naturally assumed that they were supermodel-hot. Thanks for the learning experience and for defying my assumptions about the average gay male! -Lola
It's a sad fact: Andy Samberg and Daniel V. do not photograph well. That means you will have to catch Samberg on Saturday Night Live and Daniel V. on Project Runway to fully appreciate their all-around hotness. For instance, Daniel V.'s eyes? Dreamy. His basket? Impressive. Andy Samberg's hair? Shaggy. His mouth? He could suck your dick sideways.
And, good night.