Dunst checks up.

Ted Casablanca has been hitting us over the head with his Toothy Tile character forever now. Those lucky enough to be in possession of the Casablanca Rosetta Stone have deciphered these items and made the rest of us aware that they're about a closeted male actor. General consensus has that male being Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal. Which is fine with us because he is a looker, that one. Recently we read an item (we can't find it, but we did. Scout's honor.) that said Mr. Gyllenhaal was this close to coming out of the closet but got cold, gay feet and decided to jump back in. We shouldn't be surprised, the item told us, if we next began to hear pregnancy rumors of Gyllenhaal's perennial sweetheart, the might-as-well-be-male Kirsten Dunst.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you this.

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