On porpoise.

Meet Kelly Ann Hueston. She's an aspiring... surfer, apparently. That's what we gleaned from her video in which she describes a harrowing run-in with a fin that turned out to belong to a porpoise that her grandmother with one eye saw. Shit. We just ruined it. Oh well—if you watch the video, you won't be paying attention to what she's saying, anyway. You'll be staring at her enormous breasts and the black bra she chose to wear under a white tank-top. Book her!